My Raw Journal

To view my recipe booklets, Raw foods and appliances click HERE.

Jan 19,2005
Well, today is the day that I decided to change my life.

I have thought about it, dreamed about it, fantasized about it, and here I am actually doing it. I am eating only 100% Raw food.
I was 100% raw for 3 weeks, right after I took Victoria Boutenko's class in 2001, then I fell of the Raw wagon, and have been struggling ever since. How do I know I will succeed?

Well, I ate some cooked crackers last night, and felt desperately ill, so when I woke up this morning, I just knew in my heart that Today was the day, that I would no longer not only NOT eat cooked food, but I wouldn't crave it anymore.

10 years ago this happened with meat, and I have never eaten meat since, nor have I even been interested in it.

This also happened when I quit smoking, drinking and everything else in my life that I desperately wanted to release from my lifestyle, but grew up with.

I will do my best to post in this journal each day with my thoughts, and ramblings, and I invite anyone to email me, or chat with me about the raw lifestyle.

Today, I ate 1 pear, it wasn't ripe enough, but it was still good, I also ate 1 banana, and 1 blood orange (one of my favorite fruits), then I sat down with my lover this evening and we ate 1/2 a pineapple together before we jumped into our new sauna.

I also drank several glasses of water, and had a handful of macademia nuts.

I am feeling a little hungry so will have a few more nuts. Also put some almonds in to soak for tomorrow, will make my famous Creamy Corn Chowder, which has received rave reviews from everyone, even the non-raw community. They never believe me when I say it is Vegan, or raw.
Many of you know that I send out a FREE e-zine once a month with many Raw recipes, and lots of natural lifestyle choices.
Some of you have come to my Raw potlucks, or have taken my Raw un-cooking classes, and many of you know that I have manifested being overweight my entire life. I have been a vegetarian for about 10 years, and was vegan for several years also. Wheat and Dairy were my real downfalls, I had real challenges giving them up.
I want to let you all know that this is different, there is no "try" here, I am just doing it.

Someone once said to "Thinking about doing something, and actually doing it, takes the same amount of energy." And I believe this is the case.

Jan 20, 2005

Hi, day 2, seems odd.

Raw used to be something I wanted to "DO", but it isn't, it is something I "AM". I suppose that is the difference from before, when it was a struggle, to now when it just simply is.

I ate a kiwi and a banana for breakfast, then a large bowl of corn chowder for lunch, then an orange for dinner.

I had a really bad headache yesterday just before going to bed, and thought that it might be detoxing already even the first day, but nothing this morning.

And today I feel fine, except I was tired this afternoon, so took a nap.

That is the beauty of being self employed, you can work when you want, and sleep when you want. I love that part of it.

Will post again tomorrow, thanks to the people who are giving me on-line encouragement. Blessings to you.

Jan 21, 2005 day 3

Well, here I am at day 3, and it seems easy now. No headaches, no challenges, other than I am finding it difficult to sleep, of course, that could be because I took a nap yesterday.

I ate two bananas, two kiwis, one apple, two bowls of my delicious corn chowder (my own recipe), 1/4 enchilada, about 6 macademia nuts, 6 brazil nuts and one cup of orange spice tea.

I am sitting here wondering for what purpose it has taken me so long to finally realize that I am a raw foodist, and that that is the way I am choosing to eat for the rest of my life.

It is exactly like when I quit smoking, drinking, eating meat, and quit my job. It came as an "aha". One moment, I identified with one image of myself, and then the next moment, I identified with another image.

I find this very interesting.

Before, when I "tried" to go 100% Raw, it was difficult, I had cravings, it was a struggle, every single minute of every single day, I was thinking about food, making food, buying food, preparing food, or thinking about NOT thinking about food.

I was obsessed with food, and trying not to be. It was indeed a terrible struggle.

My beloved partner, My boyfriend was desperately trying to help me.

My boyfriend chooses to eat cooked food on some occastions, and at times will eat meat. However, he is in total support of me, and my lifestyle. He moved all of the cooking equipment out to the garage, and made himself a kitchen out there. He cooks all of his food outside on the grill or in the garage, and even stores all of his meat and prepared food out there.

I never even knew what he had. He simply cooked, and prepared his meals away from me, and my cravings.

He is truly a marvelous man.

But if I ever smelled cooked food on his breath or in the air, I would crave it desperately, and really want to eat it.

Now, I don't even care if I see or smell food. It is totally interesting to me.

The difference is the magick.

Jan 22, 2005 day 4

Well, it keeps getting easier day by day.
I woke up hungry (which never happened on cooked food) ate two bananas for breakfast, two kiwis for morning snack, then had a huge bowl of corn chowder for lunch, then a cup of tea, for dinner, 1 enchilada with a huge green salad and tomatoes, and a chocolate milk shake (almond milk, dates, a dash of salt, and cocoa), and a handful of hot peppers. For some reason I really wanted hot spicy, super tasty food today. It was great.

My boyfriend has been so sweet, we live very rural, in the mountains of Washington State, and we usualy only go into town one day a week for ecology and economy reasons, but he has gone into town every day, just to buy me fresh produce. He seems to really love to go and get me fun things that I love to eat.

He brought me home some more kiwis, and has looked in three different stores for some ripe pineapple, bless his heart.

He grows several wonderful organic gardens at our home, so he is planning on all the fun things that I love, that he will plant this spring.
I have actually noticed some changes in my body already. I have no headaches, I used to have them about 3 to 4 times a week, so was expecting another one today, and none. I have been feeling energized today, and feel like I have my old energy back.

The last two years I have felt like I had no energy. Although I do allot of things, and run several businesses, I still felt like I wasn't working near as hard as I used to.

Now today, I finally feel like my old self, like the energetic person I used to be a couple of years ago.

I have been really warm lately too, usually I am cold, and have to have the heat turned way up, but I have been turning off the heat the last couple of days.

I noticed that my temperment has been much more cheerful than when on cooked food.
So, I don't know how much is physical, because of the food, and how much is psychological because of my belief structure of the accomplishment of going 100% raw.

Jan 23, 2005 Day 5

Had 4 kiwis a hand full of almonds, an almond milk and date shake, some celery and some olives.
I am soaking some almonds, lentils and sun dried tomatoes so I can make some fun and interesting raw things.
I love the enchiladas, the pesto stuffed mushrooms are really fantastic, the zucchini pasta and marinara sauce is really good, the strawberry crepes are great, so far, everything I have made is truly wonderful.

So, I am going to make the BBQ chicken fingers and honey mustard sauce, the meatloaf and BBQ sauce, and the pizza wraps tomorrow.

HUM, seems like I want a lot of heavy tomato-y type stuff.

I know I have wanted salty foods today, so I ate celery and green olives, that was good.
I also like sweet things, so I've had the almond/date milk shake the last couple of days, and I must admit it is really good, although each time I make it, I make less and less, and it satisfies me with one cup, where before two full 16 oz milkshakes didn't seem like enough. FUNNY.

What I really find interesting is that I don't miss any of the old food that I used to eat, and I had a lot of rituals around food.

I suppose it is okay to NOT miss any of the food, but it seems strange to me.

My boyfriend and I used to go out to eat lunch or dinner about 3 to 4 times a week, and now nothing.

He is being so wonderful, today he went into town to buy me more kiwis because I love them so much, he never says it's too much trouble, he simply does it and asks me if there is anything else he can pick up for me.

He was really excited when he came home because he was able to get me some really good looking fruit and vegies.

It is like he is bringing me home a bushel of roses and (better than) a box of chocolates. I (of course) thank him abundantly and give him big kisses and lots of hugs.(which he so richly deserves)

He is the very best.

He used to do this same thing when I was desperately struggling to go raw before, he never once "told me so", he never said I spent too much time or money on produce or kitchen appliances.

He would never say anything about my weight either, he always says he loves me, for who I am, and I am his Goddess. And I am always beautiful and always will be.

I have gained over 100 pounds since I met him, and he has always said I am a gorgeous Goddess. I am so blessed with my man.

I also did a weight loss spell for myself, I believe that is the reason I "finally" became RAW 100%.

Jan 24, 2005 day 6
Well, today I didn't eat until really late in the day, so I was pretty hungry when I did. I had a glass of water for breakfast, then about 2PM I finally ate two bananas. Then around 7PM I ate a pizza wrap with lettuce tomatoes onion, and hot chili peppers, with hot salsa. Man that was really good.

Then for snack at around 9PM I had some walnut/date truffles.

I usuallIy go to bed around 2am, so this isn't as late to me as it would be to some people.

I have noticed some changes physically already. I have no headaches, and no runny nose. For those of you who know me, I always (used to) have a headache, AND allergies.

It is really nice to wake up without a headache, and being able to breath through my nose.

I have also noticed that my clothes seem to be fitting looser. Seems awfully quick to be loosing any weight.

I did weigh myself prior to going raw, but haven't weighed myself since, I was going to wait until it was a couple of weeks.

But I have noticed allot more energy, feeling much better, no aches and pains, and just a general feeling of well being.

All this in less than one week on Raw food.

So far, no healing crisis, so I am concerned, as I know there is always a healing crisis, unless there person is really too ill to have one.

The only other thing that I could think of is that I have been a vegetarian for about 10 years, and a vegan for around 7, so maybe I won't have a healing crisis, or at least not one right away. Or hopefully, maybe I have gone through enough of them.

If anyone has any thoughts on this please let me know.

When I tried to go raw before, I always had several days of feeling awful, and I would use that as an excuse to NOT go raw whenever I was thinking about it. I would always come up with an excuse to stay eating unhealthy because I couldnt' be ill for a couple of days.

Funny, what we can come up with.

I heard an old saying, "When you really want to do something you will find a way, when you don't want to do something, you will find an excuse."

Jan 25, 2005 day 7

Well today was beautifully sunny, we sat on the deck for a half and hour or so and just enjoyed the sunshine, it was so beautiful on the lake.

I ate one banana, one kiwi for breakfast. I had two glasses or orange juice and a handful of almonds, then drank some green tea for lunch, then for a snack had a walnut/date truffle. YUMMY.

I made some RAW veggie burger patties, I ate one, it was really good, and have nibbled on 1/2 of one, just while it was dehydrating.

I also made the BBQ un-chicken fingers and have been nibbling on those, man are those hot and spicy and delicious.

It is very hard to believe that all this great food is RAW vegan and totally healthy.

I keep trying new recipes and enjoying all the food. It really hasn't taken over my whole life like it did before when I tried to go raw.

I am just enjoying the time that I am preparing food and eating it.

It all tastes so good now. For some reason this RAW food is so much tastier than all the cooked food I used to eat, and it is actually easier to prepare.

No pans to wash, no oven to clean, nothing has to go in the dishwasher because it all just rinses clean.

And I get to play with so many fun kitchen appliances, my Cuisinart, Vita Mix, Champion juicer and Mandoline.

I even have ceramic knives that I love.

It is fun to play with all the toys.

Well, I pulled out some of my other RAW un-cook books today to see what I can come up with, and I think that I will just try about a thousand new recipes.

I also am writing several raw un-cook books, starting with Dairyless delights, how to make all the tasty dairy without using dairy, like cheeses, nut milks, creams, cream sauces, milk shakes etc.

I also am writing some fun menu un-cook books, Italian, Mexican, Mediteranean, Picnic, American etc. It is so fun coming up with interesting and fun ideas for un-cook books.

Jan 26, 2005 day 8

Well, I am into my second week, and all is well.

I had one banana and a cup of green tea for breakfast.

Lunch was a large bowl of my famous corn chowder, this was the best I ever made, or at least it tasted like it, maybe my taste buds are changing because I am 100% raw.

I had a raw barley burger pattie with hot sauce for dinner and it was wonderful, and a chocolate nut milk shake for desert.

I also have been drinking a lot of water with ice. The ice really seems good to me. I love to chew on it, of course I liked to do this before I was raw too.

I take a Sauna ever day or every other day, I think that really helps with the detox and cleansing.

I had a little headache this morning, but it went away after I had a glass of water, no aspirin (of course).

So, I will start drinking more water consciously instead of waiting until I don't feel well.
I seem to forget to drink anything early in the day.

I thought about charcoal cooked meat today. This is something that I haven't eaten in over 10 years.

This happened the last time I went raw, I started thinking about meat. Funny, because there is no way I would ever eat it. I just thought the charcoal smell was nice, and the really funny thing about this, is that there was nothing cooking anywhere, charcoal or not.
My boyfriend hadn't cooked anything inside the garage, or out in the yard, and no neighbor was cooking outside, as it was really cold here today, and we had a really horrific torrential rain shower.

So, I think that is very strange. It must be something that comes up with me when I am raw, or maybe some of you feel this way too, if any of you reading this are 100% RAW.

Luckily, I know I will never eat meat again, so I have no challenge with this, but I did think that bar-b-que shishkabob mushrooms and peppers sounded good.

So, I ate a barley burger pattie with hot sauce instead.

It wasn't actually a craving, it was more of a, "Hum, that sounds tasty."

I can say that if it was sitting in front of me, I would NOT have eaten it, so I feel good about that.

I just thought it was an interesting observation of myself.

I lost 10 pounds. I finally decided to weigh myself again, although I was going to wait until two weeks, but hey, I wanted to know.

I know my clothes are much looser, around my tummy especially.

I never had a big tummy in my entire life, until about 1 1/2 years ago. Then all of a sudden, I had a big tummy and a double chin. What the heck is that for?

Of course, I am --haha--WAS heavier than I have ever been in my entire life. By about 25 pounds. Although it felt like a million.

I was having a hard time, getting in and out of our hot tub, and I haven't been in the bathtub for over a year, because it was too difficult to get out, so only showers which are fast, but not as sexy or fun, we have sliding doors on our bathtub, so that doesn't help. I also was finding it difficult to get up our two steps in our house, from my studio to the main house area, and also just getting dressed was even getting to be a challenge.

All my life, no matter how big I was, I never had any physical challenges, I built houses, remodeled houses, worked on my car, put up walls, tore out windows, up and down ladders, under houses, putting on roofs, etc. But lately the last couple of years, it has been very difficult for me physically.

But, at least I am feeling better now. I can get up and down the two stairs easily, in and out of the hot tub easily, get dressed with no challenge, and pretty much feel great. I haven't tried to build any houses this week. LOL But I am sure that will come.

Thank you to all of you who have sent me best wishes on my RAW Lifestyle change.

I will keep posting what I am eating, what changes my body is going through, and what I am feeling.

Jan 27, 2005 day 9

Well today was a truly wonderful day.

I woke up feeling marvelous, and totally energized. Although my beloved had a headache. So it was straight to the hot tub so he could relax his muscles a bit.

I had an big sweet orange, and a banana for breakfast and green tea, and a glass of spring water (we have an artesian well-yummy water-no chlorine).

I had a banana for snack.

NOW this is the really neat part. For Lunch we had a business meeting with friends, so we met at our "usaual" place, which is a fun 50's diner, all decorated with old 45 records, and old toys, and pictures of old cars, and the waitstaff all knows our "regular" orders.

I used to order a garden burger and a huge salad, with -- goddess forgive me-- a Pepsi. (YES, I know-I know--pure sugar, and garbage).

So we all sit down, and our favorite waitperson comes over and I tell her I want herbal tea, and only a large salad, with fresh mushrooms, tomatoes and onion and green peper (I know they have these things fresh) anything else would probably not be raw.

So, she tells me it will cost me as much as a Chef salad, so how about she brings me the ham, turkey and cheese on the side, which I say "sure" to, and give to my boyfriend, who loves these things, that I can't even touch.

One of the other people sitting at the table, said that my salad sounded so good, that they ordered the exact same thing.

How marvelous. I was a little afraid that it might "trigger" some feelings within me, because we used to go there 3 to 4 times a week, and I always got the same thing.

I didn't miss my "regular" dinner at all. I truly enjoyed the salad, with all the trimmings, my boyfriend loved his dinner, and our friends enjoyed theirs.

No one thought I was weird because I didn't want anything cooked, not that it would have mattered to me, but it was nice to be totally accepted by my friends who love me as I am.

I told my friend about the raw barley burgers I made the other day, and she wants the recipe. So, I will have to send that to her.

I felt so good going out to dinner, and NOT feeling deprived at all. I really enjoyed the company, and the atmosphere, and didn't even think about the food, or the lack of food in front of me, as I had the greatest tasting meal there.

Came home and had a bowl of corn chowder for dinner with a raw barley burger patty and bbq sauce. It was great.

I still have 1/2 of a chocolate nutmilk shake left over from last night that I couldn't drink, so maybe I will have that for late night snack before bed, and maybe not.

Again, thank you to each and every one of you who has emailed to let me know that you are supporting me and my decision to "BE" 100% RAW.

I truly love you all.

And to all of you who would like to "be" raw. I am with you 100%.

Be it, don't just Do it.

Jan 28, 2005 day 10

Today I woke up very tired. Not feeling icky or anything, just kind of blah.

I ate one banana, one kiwi and had some jasmin and green tea for breakfast.

For lunch I ate only one small bowl of my famous corn chowder, yummy.

For snack a handful of brazil nuts. I am all out, will need to go to the Health Food store tommorow for more. I really love those.

Dinner was a big salad with lots of greens, tomatoes, mushrooms and a pizza wrap, with two BBQ mock chicken wings -- these are so spicy and hot, super yummy.

Snack was 3 olives, yummy.

A really fantastic thing that happened today was my boyfriend and I went into town -- no easy treck-- we drive into town usually only once a week because it is a 20+ minute drive. We feel it is best for the ecology of our planet, to use as little fossile fules as we possibly can. Recycle, solar heated house, only cotton clothes, no disposable paper towls, napkins, paper plates etc. that type of thing.

We used to go to the little Bakery in our town, and buy really fun and exciting home made breads, all kinds of truly magnificent ones that you can't buy in any store anywhere. They would use spelt flour, which is something that I could digest much easier than regular wheat, so we always bought from them.

Boyfriend, my boyfriend, wanted some of those breads and things, so instead of making me sit either in the car and wait for him, or go in and be "tempted". I went to the nursery and looked at all the cool stuff, while he went and bought whatever he wanted.

When he came to pick me up, he had had them triple wrap the breads so I couldn't smell them. He wanted to make sure that I would not be tempted by anything that he was buying or eating. He is such a dear man.

I wasn't tempted, and I find this odd, as I used to really crave bread, and could eat an entire loaf in one sitting with butter. (we live next door to Wilcox Farms, a huge 1600 acres Farm with a little community store, where everything is wholesale prices for the employees and locals.)

I didn't want the bread or even really think about it until I started writing my journal here. (the thinking about it part.)

We bought lots of fun fruits and veggies today and all on sale green grapes, pineapple, braeburn apples, mangos, zucchinis, d'anjou pears, roma tomatoes, (can't wait until summer when we grown about 99% of all of our food, heirloom tomatoes, russian blacks, yellow egg, golden globe, and lots of sqash, apple pears, apples, almonds, hazelnuts, cherries, kiwis, brussel sprouts, broccoli, lettuce, strawberries, carrots, corn, onions, garlic, radishes, mustard seeds, and all of our own herbs too.)

We will be planting in a couple of months. So we are designing our gardens now. We usually make some beautiful pentagram, or spiral or knot garden in at least one of the beds. They are all surounded with blue stone, so they are raised, and we have never used any kind of fertilizers or pesticides. Yet they grow with no bugs, or diseases or any challenges at all. My boyfriend talks to them every day.

Well, I am feeling truly magnificent about being RAW, I am not missing any of the foods I used to eat, although I do love my food very spicy.

I was surprised that I gave up chocolate so easily, as I used to eat several candy bars a day, and now nothing. Again, I find this process so very interesting.

I tried in vein for many many years to give up coffee and chocolate, and it was always a big painful challenge, with cravings, headaches, etc. But this last week, no cravings, no headaches, or at least not any big migraines. And I haven't missed it.

Again, I think this is all so easy for me because it is not something I am doing, it is something I am.

Jan 29 day 11

Cravings:

Well today I had a craving for a garden burger with mustard. I used to eat them about 3 or 4 times a week whenever I went out to eat at a fun little restaurant in our area.

I went to the store and bought a whole flat of kiwis, some herbs, and lots of nuts and goodies, so I wouldn't feel deprived.

What I ate:

Today I had a cup of green tea for breakfast.

For lunch I had one kiwi and two barley burger patties, with hot sauce.

For Dinner I had one bowl of corn chowder, one large green salad and tomato and 1/2 of a pizza wrap, with hot sauce, I chopped up the pizza wrap like taco meat in my salad. It was really good.

Then for desert I had 1 1/2 kiwis, they are so very good.

What I am planning:

I started soaking barley for more barley burgers, cashews for frozen fudge, and almonds for more corn chowder.

I will probably start making some more fun recipes tomorrow, as I am starting to run out of the first few things that I made. Ah, but such is life.

Physical changes:

I have some muscle aches today in my neck and upper back, which I haven't had in a couple of years. Not exactly headaches, but still alot of pain. (no aspirin of course.)

Took an hour nap today however still have neck pain. Other than that, I feel really great.

My boyfriend is enjoying the kiwis with me, we both love them.
He usually prepares the fresh fruit that we eat, and lots of the salads.

He has created several raw deserts that are really great.
One of my favoritess is strawberry chocolate mint wraps.

He makes strawberry leather, and then spreads a cashew, mint, and carob cream on them, then rolls them up. They are so very delicious.

He also has made some tortes, with the most wonderful raspberry sauce, oh man those are good, can't wait until berry season is here. We grown our own berries, and they are NOTHING like what you get in the store. No pesticides, no preservatives, no nothing, but sweet juicy berries.

Our friends come out and pick our berries, and they say they have never tasted anything so good in their lives. They are right, I think it is because My boyfriend gives them lots of love each and every day, as he talks to all of our plants, and they grow abundantly large, and sweet, and they just never stop growing, we have three kinds of onions in our gardens right now, and many herbs are still growing.

Jan 30, 2005 day 12

I had a cup of green tea for breakfast and I had 4 pesto stuffed mushrooms for lunch, then for dinner I had two kiwis.

Today I made the pesto stuffed mushrooms, fudgy walnut candies, cashew frozen fudge, and falafel, all should be done by tomorrow.

I woke up this morning with me entire body feeling great. No headaches, no pain, no challenges. I guess one thing I didn't really expect was that I sleep through the entire night now. I used to wake up about 10 times a night, and toss and turn, and often I would get up somewhere around 5am and sit and read, because it was just too painful to lay down any longer. Everything hurt, my muscles, my joints, my eyes, my nose (allergies), my stomache. Everything used to hurt, now nothing hurts.
I feel so blessed to feel so good so quickly.

I can hardly believe that I feel this good, and that it is so fast too. I have been 100% raw less than 2 weeks and I feel so wonderful.

I have read many other people's journals and testimonies, and never actually believed that they felt that good so quickly, I guess I kind of always thought that maybe it was something else that they were doing that made them feel so good, or else, maybe it wouldn't work for me.

But my body is really healing itself. I felt so old before. My hair was turning gray, my body was full of aches, and pains, now I feel marvelous.

Jan 31, 2005 day 13

Well, it will be TWO WEEKS tomorrow. Oh boy, Yeah, as I am jumping up and down. YES.

I am so jazzed that this is so easy and I am feeling so great, and so happy, and and and. I just feel great. Guess it's my RAWsome new life.

Once again, I woke up this morning and felt really wonderful, no stuffy nose, no aches, no pains, and feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed. I just felt terrific.

Today I ate two bananas for breakfast and 1/2 a cup of green tea. Which kind of surprises me, as I used to eat about one banana a year in the past, I always thought they were too fattening. haha, what we learn in childhood.

Then for morning snack I had two or three of Alissa's turtles, they are sooooooo delicious.

For lunch I had another banana, 3 pesto stuffed mushrooms and a cup of green tea.

Then for dinner I had a wonderful falafel in a pizza wrap, with some fresh tomatoes, onions, lettuce, and tahini/garlic/lemon sauce. Oh so very yummy.

Oh, yes and I had one green olive. I used to eat about 10 of these a day, and never felt they were salty, but the one today was sooooooo salty, of course, it wasn't any different than the other ones, it is my taste buds changing.

Funny -- what we enjoy eating one day, we don't like the next. But such is the magick of life and living.

Feb 1, 2005 day 14

Happy two weeks to me.

Well first let me say that I lost another 5 pounds, 15 pounds total in 14 days, that is totally cool, what a wonderful addition to being healthy.

Today I woke up around 5:45 am (I usually go to bed around 2am, and up at around 9am) I had a really stuffy nose and a cough, kind of like when I was always eating dairy, I got up and sat in the sauna, and breathed in Eucalyptus oil which used to help. After an hour, it still didn't help, so I just stayed up and read a book, and kept blowing my nose, and coughing.

Finally I was so tired, I went back to bed, and cuddled with My boyfriend for about a half hour or so, he is so warm and snuggly.

I finally fell back asleep and then slept only about one hour, then just had to get up and start my day, but no runny nose, just a little cough today.

So that was weird, I don't have a cold, just a little cough, funny, I never get colds. So I am imagining that this is a detox thing. I also had a feeling of a cold sore in my mouth, but it never quite came through. Kind of like I ate unripe pineapple.

Well today I ate a banana for breakfast, and a 1/2 cup of green tea.

For lunch was 3 pesto stuffed mushrooms, and three fudgy walnut turtles, and 1 green olive.

Snack was a handful of grapes.

For Dinner I had a bowl of my fantastic corn chowder, and a green salad with tomatoes, onion, and falafel with tahini dressing, and two pesto stuffed mushrooms.

For desert had a kiwi.

Today was really fun, I had to go into town to collect some rents from tenants and we used to always go out to dinner after that type of thing.

So, my boyfriend and I chatted about going out to eat, (somewhere that I could get a good salad bar, or fresh fruits and veggies) and we just decided to come home and eat our fun food that I have been making here. No temptation, no expense, and totally romantic, and alone.

He really is extremely helpful in supporting my lifestyle. Helps me make all the foods, and offers suggestions on what might be good to eat. Comes up with fun raw food snacks, and deserts, and is such a pleasure to be with. I am blessed beyond belief.

I have been sprouting and soaking lots of different kinds of nuts and grains, and am planning on making many different recipes.

I have pulled out a bunch of my RAW recipe books, and also all my personal recipes that I have collected, or designed over the past 4 years, that I was struggling to go raw, and am simply going one by one, step by step to make a bunch of different ones.

Right now I have about 9 different things in the fridge and freezer that I can whip up, or eat instantly, and I also have lots of really good ripe, fresh, organic, raw produce in the house.

Although I really like to make the fancy recipes, which are always fun, I do enjoy just sitting down and eating a fresh kiwi or banana most every day.

In general, Life is grand. A grand adventure.

Feb 2, 2005 day 15

Well, today I woke up with leg cramps, not the calf kind, but the front side kind. And not terrible, just bad enough to keep me from sleeping, and I had to get up and walk around to get rid of it. That was strange and challenging.

No breakfast.

For lunch I ate a big garden salad with mushrooms, and tomatoes.

For snack a handful of grapes.

Dinner was a barley burger patty, in the middle of dehydrating and 2 green olives.
Posting in this journal is truly a magickal tool to help me, and I would imagine maybe some people who read it.

You see, at one time, I thought I was the ONLY one who ever had a challenge with this way of life.

But reading others journals, has truly helped me to understand that it isn't just me. That other people have the same issues, the same challenges, and the same desires.

I first went raw 4 years ago, after meeting Victoria Boutenko and her family, then took one of her series of classes, then made the decision to go 100% RAW.

It lasted 3 weeks, struggling, trying, doing my best. Making recipes, eating fruits and veggies. It was the hardest thing I ever did. Temptation was everywhere. I felt deprived. I felt like I didn't deserve to starve to death. I felt like I was punishing myself for eating my entire life the way that my mother had taught me to eat. Why was I being punished, what had I done.

So I started eating a little cooked food again, and it took me 4 years to get back on track 100%, but this time it was easy, and I am NOT struggling with it at all.

And it is because instead of "deciding" to go raw, I am "being" raw. I have changed who I am in my mind. I "KNOW" in my heart that eating raw food is the perfect way for ME to eat. And as long as I feel this way, I will continue to eat this way.

So, it isn't just for one day, because I am NOT taking a medicine, or going through something that is uncomfortable.

I am enjoying being 100% RAW, because it is what I love. The only difference, is how I "feel" inside about it. I feel great to be raw.

I don't believe that people are addicted to cooked food.

I do think that people have tendencies to want to cover up their feelings, to bury them, to stuff them down, and food is the easiest way to change how you feel instantly, and legally. Since I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't eat meat, I don't carouse, I dont' gamble, I don't do drugs.

My substance of choice was food. It was readily available, easily aquired, everyone did it, I could eat anywhere, anytime, with anyone, and no one knew my little secret.

Well, at least they didn't know my secret while I was young and thin.

Then as I got older, my secret wasn't so secret. But I had a lot of friends who had the same secret. We all over ate to numb our feelings.

Then we would "punish" ourselves, by dieting, and exercising, and purging, and doing anything that we could to get thin.
"IF" we were ever determined enough to get thin, we would then start eating again, then dieting, then eating, then dieting.

It was an accepted way of life. Every magazine, every channel had at least one dieting ad, or program, or product available.
It seemed that all women and many men, had this affliction.

But I knew that we didn't understand the problem. I dieted and lost weight, but the magick was missing, because no one could "LIVE" on the current fad diet forever.

I would cut out certain foods, thinking that I was allergic to them, or I would eat only special foods, artificial foods, because I thought that that was it, I even took pills prescribed by Doctors, and went to see a psychiatrist, but the magick was missing.

I would eat whatever the NEW diet of the month would suggest, and yes I would loose some weight, usually about 20 pounds, then I would sucumb to eating my old standbys.

But I knew that there was something that we just didn't understand.

I gave up meat, dairy, wheat, sugar, salt and flour.

And I still gained weight.

What was the secret?

RAW food.

Once, a long time ago, my mother mentioned to me, that although oranges had a lot of calories in them, she could only loose weight on an orange diet.

She would eat only oranges for about 2 weeks, feel pretty good, then go back to her old SAD diet.

A few years ago, a medical man I knew told me that he thought he found a cure for obesity.

He explained that oils have a specific molecular structure, that works well in the body, but when they are heated, they crinkle up, and clog the system. So he suggested eating only unheated oils.

I remember once hearing that pig farmers, only feed their pigs cooked potatoes, because if they fed them raw potatoes, the didn't gain enough weight to be sold at market.

All of this makes sense to me now. The clues have always been in front of me. I just didn't know where to look.

I feel very blessed to be able to choose how I want to eat. To live in a country where I can find fresh, ripe, raw organic produce so readily available, and inexpensive.

I have a blessed life, and I thank Spirit every second of everyday, for helping me to manifest it in a wonderful way. With all the lessons being learned in the perfect fashion.

February 3, 2005 day 16

Well, woke up today feeling great, and full of energy.

Didn't eat breakfast, I was simply not hungry.

For lunch I had one bowl of my delicious corn chowder.

Snack was two kiwis, yum.

And dinner was two barley burger patties with hot sauce.

I drank quite a bit of water today.

Not really hungry today, so just worked alot. Also was tired this afternoon, so took a little nap.

Still soaking sprouts, and almonds, I'm always making something.

I made some cashew frozen fudge the other day, will probably try some tomorrow for a snack.

Also, will try some more recipes for lunches and dinners.

Although, the food I am currently eating is so delicious, that I don't really need alot of variety.

A little food seems to satisfy me, so I am not eating a huge amount. But I think it is filling me up emotionally, or at least I don't feel I have to eat emotionally anymore, which is pretty easy, because food just seems like something I need to eat to fulfil my hunger, instead of wanting to eat it, to fill me up. To stop the feelings of inadiquacy, or challenges, or ill feelings.

It is really wonderful to just eat when I am hungry, and not to "feel" like the food is controling me.

February 4, 2005 day 17

I have learned that doing what works for you is the very best thing you can do.

I totally understand about "trying", instead of just "doing".

That is the reason that I don't go to raw retreats, or raw socials, or raw potlucks, or anything like that.

When I became a vegetarian, I never went to vegetarian potl lucks, or retreats or anything like that.

It didn't want being RAW to be something that I did like a hobby, like when I started belly dancing, I actually became a professional Belly Dancer for 20 years, it was my entire life. But I didn't just go to classes, and retreats, in fact I never did that. I went to rehersals, and shows, and was a vendor.

There is a difference in "being", and "doing".

The reason I journal is because I thought it might help me to understand myself. I have journaled at different times in my life, and what it does for me, is it allows me to look back objectively at what I was doing at a specific period in time, and to really look at NOT what was happening in my life, but HOW I was handling it.

This has really helped me to understand my inner motivations, and issues, then it makes it easier for me to deal with these issues.

Today I woke up feeling really great. I started my period yesterday, and I usually have terrible cramping, not only did I NOT have cramping, but I felt really good.

In the past, I actually went to the emergency room two separate times because the cramping was so bad, that I thought something much more major was going on.

I didn't eat any breakfast or lunch. I just wasn't hungry again.

So around 4PM I ate a small green salad, and two kiwis.

Then dinner was two barley burger patties with hot sauce. And a large water.

Snack was some Raw chocolate walnut candy that I made. It is very good.

I am feeling physically great, and emotionally wonderful, and spiritually on my path.

Although I do not believe it is possible to be "off" my path at any time, because it is "my" path, but sometimes it does feel as if it is flowing easier than at other times.

February 5, 2005 day 18

Well, being a psychic has it's interesting moments.

This morning I woke up thinking of Fried Bacon, (which I haven't even thought about in 10 years, let alone ate), and sunny side up fried eggs, and buttered toast.

I couldn't understand it, then my boyfriend woke up (he sometimes eats meat and eggs, and often eats cooked food), I told him what I was thinking.

And he said, "Well, I had a dream of eating Bacon and Sunny side up eggs, and toast this morning."

So he had "sent" it to me in my mind. We do this all the time to each other, this is not surprising at all.

So, we both laughed, and I told him, the next time he wants breakfast to think of fresh canteloupe, and ripe kiwis and pineaples, because that is what I like for breakfast.

He said he will try.

Well I made some yummy stuff today, and will again tomorrow or the next day. I made the barley burger patties that I love so much, and falafel and pizza wraps, and corn chowder.

It is so nice to have alot of tasty yummy raw food to eat.

I simply freeze it in small portions, then I warm it up in the dehydrator, in a baggie with a little water, and it is sooooooo nice.

For breakfast, around 4PM I had two large glasses of orange juice today, and some water.
For lunch, I had a bowl of corn chowder, and three pesto stuffed mushrooms, those are indeed a favorite of mine.

For dinner I had a falafel salad, Greens, tomatoes, falafel, pizza wrap and tahini with lemon, garlic, and parsley.

February 6, 2005 day 19

Well, this morning I woke up with a terrible runny nose, and sat in the Sauna for an hour, and inhaled Eucalyptus essential oil for a while. Maybe it was detox, but it felt just like I used to feel everyday of my life, before Raw. My boyfriend was so sweet he rubbed my back, and got me water, and just cuddled with me, while I felt badly.

For breakfast I had a kiwi and tea.

Snack was almond milk shake with dates, cinnamon and vanilla.

For lunch I had 3 pesto stuffed mushrooms, 2 green olives and a kiwi.

For snack I shared a mango with my boyfriend, it was juicy and tasted okay, but not my favorite fruit. I like things tart, like kiwis, and pineapple.

For dinner I had 2 barley burger patties, and 3 pieces of cashew fudge.

I am so happy to be 100% RAW, that each day of my life I practically jump up and down with glee, just to be alive.

I certainly have lots of energy, and I feel really great, my headaches are gone, and I (except this morning) have no sinus challenges, and my muscles don't ache, my joints don't ache, I can get in and out of the hot tub with no difficulty, and go up and down stairs with ease.

It seems to me that my physical challenges are going away, and that feels so very nice.

I seem to have a lot more time on my hands than I did before I went raw, I don't know if that is because I have more energy, or if it is because I am not spending so much time, trying to diet, trying to find a diet, trying to make food that is not fattening, that is "on my diet", trying, trying, trying to do anything. And I knew there was magick out there. I just had to find it.

And RAW food is the magick. It is indeed magick, there is no forbidden food, there is no measuring, no portion control, no pills, no powdered mixes, no shots, no doctors, no weighing food, no having to go to a "special" place just to buy packets of food. No cards, no menu planning, no canned or packaged, or prepared foods to dispose of the wrappers.

RAW food is the magick. And I am all for magick. My whole life is about magick.

And it is so natural, not just the eating of the food, and the preparing, but also the way that there is no packaging, so that means no garbage. I simply compost eveything.

And then I can use the compost to grow more produce in our garden.

Nature is the perfect way, the magick way.

February 7, 2005 day 20

Well, tomorrow will be 3 weeks of BEING 100% RAW. That feels so good, as 4 years ago I was 100% RAW for 3 weeks, then I went back to eating cooked food. It has taken me 4 long years of struggling, to get here.

However, I am NOT struggling any more. I am simply doing it.

Today I had a large glass of orange juice for breakfast.

Lunch was a salad with massive greens, mushrooms, tomatoes, olives and green onions. With tea.

Dinner was two barley burger patties with hot sauce, 3 pesto stuffed mushrooms, and desert was raw candy, walnuts with honey and cocoa, dehydrated. YUMMY!!

I drink a lot of water, so I am glad that I have an artesian well.

We are planning our gardens for the spring planting. Can hardly wait for all the ripe fresh raw produce that my boyfriend grows so beautifully.

Felt a little tired today, but was up reallly late last night, so that might be it.

Went out to lunch at our favorite restaurant, and had a big salad, it felt fine.

It is funny, food just isn't as important to me as it used to be in the past.

I used to spend so very much time dieting, making special foods, buying special foods, talking to other people about dieting and special foods, going to meetings, reading books on nutrition, and dieting. It seems so funny now. No matter what I did, all I could think about was eating the foods that I couldnt' eat.

Now I can eat anything I want, and do. I love the fresh fruits that I eat every day, and the big leafy , fresh salads, and all the wonderful dehydrated foods that are so very tasty.

February 8, 2005 day 21

Today is three weeks raw. A very special day indeed, because 4 years ago, I had been Raw for 3 weeks, and then something happened, I just blew it.

But not this time, this time I have changed who I am, not what I am doing.

Breakfast was a delicious pear.

For lunch I had a very large green salad, and a handful of olives.

Dinner was 1 bite of enchilada, I didn't care for it, and two mock Bar-b-que chicken fingers, with hot honey mustard, they were okay. I just didn't like anything for dinner tonight.

I have been very thirsty today. I also worked out in the yard, actually hard work for about an hour, digging dirt. Planting season is coming upon us, and we only have gardeners come in once a week, so we are the worker-bees the other 6 days of the week.

The funniest, or weirdest thing about today, is that I thought of a bloody rare steak. And what is so strange abouth this is the fact that I haven't eaten meat in about 10 years. In fact, I can't even stand to touch meat.

My boyfriend cooks all meat outside either on the grill, or the fire pit. Because I can't stand the smell of it in the house. He is so sweet.

I also am still hungry tonight at 11:30, probably because nothing tasted good for dinner.

I am thinking that this might be because I am eating alot of things that are spicy and that might be causing me to want more tasty type foods.

I had to soak the green olives I ate today, as they were way too salty for me, before I went raw I could eat about 10 green olives, and they never seemed salty at all, now I have to soak even one or two before I can eat them.

February 9, 2005 day 22

Woke up this morning not feeling hungry, well, let me rephrase that, hungry, but not hungry for anything in the house. And trust me, I have alot of food in this house.

So, I didn't eat, until about 5:30 PM, when I was at an artist's reception, for me and a few other artists, who teach classes at Daniel Smith art store in Seattle.

They had coffee, tea, water, sparkling water (ugh got some of this nasty stuff by mistake, bleckhgtch) crackers, cheese, cookies, and YES, veggies, fresh, ripe, raw, veggies and grapes, and peppers, and I felt so happy. Not one piece of meat in the place. Good for them.

So I ate a handful of green grapes, and 3 baby carrots, and one taste of ucky sparkling water, (I've already described my feelings on this), and a bottled water.

Then we went to costco and bought mushrooms, and almonds, and then went to the health food store and bought fresh organic basil for only $1.00 for a huge bunch, because it was wilting, but perfect for the pesto stuffed mushrooms, which I immediately came home and made, a huge batch. I love them, but I use a medium sized mushroom, and not as much pesto, so it filled 35 mushrooms, of a medium size. These are indeed a favorite of mine, and I love to eat them every day.

So, had one mushroom, just to see if it was done, it was, and froze the rest.

I also made my delicious corn chowder, but this time I used olive oil (of course, it was the super expensive, raw cold pressed kind that costs about $35.00 a small bottle, but hey, I'm worth it, and for those of you who eat olive oil, you know the difference in the brands) on top of the chowder, which was very much like the old clam chowder I used to make (in my past life of eating dead creatures), and it was like the butter on top of the clam chowder, so I think I will do that again. It was delicious, and added alot of taste, and filled me up.

That was it for the whole day, one handful of grapes, 3 baby carrots, and one mushroom and a bowl of soup.

If you would have told me 23 days ago, that I would eat that for an entire day, and feel totally satisfied, I would have lauged, and said that would be less than for lunch.

But here I am. Eating a small amount of food, and being totally satisfied with it.

Funny, how things change in our lives, when we allow that change to be within, instead of forcing it without. As in dieting, or counting calories, or carbs, or portion control, or all that stuff.

I dieted my entire life, and so did my mom, and my aunt, nothing ever worked, well, let's say we could starve ourselves down about 20 pounds, when we all had to loose over 100 pounds, and that wasn't even enough for someone to notice we had lost any weight. It was torture.

And the biggest challenge was that no matter how thin or beautiful I was when I was young, I always thought of myself as "less than" anyone who was thin.

I can remember being about 12, and weighing 112 pounds, I was 5'3" tall, as tall as I am now, and thinking I was fat, because I had boobs, and no one else had boobs but me.

So, I started dieting then. Starving myself. My measurements were 36, 22, 36. to look at that now, my thigh is probably 36, so I think that would be lovely to be that size, but then I thought I was fat, so I always wore, loose bulky type clothes, sweatshirts, and blue jeans.

Then I can remember when I was a teenager, I was 14, weighed 127 pounds, had measurements of 36, 24, 38, and thought I was huge, so always wore those gawd-awful tent dresses that were so popular in 1968--ugly contaptions, that completely camoflaged your figure.

I can remember buying a swim suit in the old ladies section of the store, because everything out there in the young girls area was a two piece, and I wanted a one piece, so I could hide my 127 pound figure.

When I was in my 20's I was a professional dancer, (hard to believe), but I always loved to dance, ballet as a child, and belly dancing in my 20's and 30's, I always wore lots of veils, and long skirts, and harem pants, so no one could really see my figure, and yet, I was always hired to do so many shows.

I look back at pictures of me then, I was so thin and beautiful and young, and I covered everything up, with loose clothes, baggy jeans, long dresses.

I never even owned a pair of shorts in my teenage or adult life, except my gym shorts.

I actually have clothes that I saved from when I was young, each year I got a size larger, but I always saved my good clothes from the previous year, "JUST IN CASE" I ever got thinner.

Now I look back on this and see how strange it all was.

Each year, I wished I was as thin as the year before, and yet the year before, I thought I was fat. So I have tons of clothes from my youth, of various sizes, and even my young, thin beautiful granddaughters are too big to wear them.

I remember pulling out a shirt I wore when I was in my 20's, it was a size 7. No one I know now is a size 7, and I'm certainly not any more.

The only granddaughter I have that can wear something that small is the 5 year old.

I have 5 granddaughters 15, 13, 11, 7,& 5.

Now isn't that strange. To look at how my self image has been programmed as I grew up.

I think the VERY WORST thing a parent can do, is to let their young children watch TV or read a magazine.

What it does to their self esteem is irreparable.

I am in my 50's we all wanted to look like Twiggie.

February 10, 2005 day 23

Well, today was a wonderful day, as all days are.

I had tea and ate a 1/2 of a canteloupe for breakfast, yummy.

For lunch I had a bowl or creamy corn chowder, also major yummy.

And for Dinner I had 2 pesto stuffed mushrooms, and a barey burger patty with hot sauce.

February 11, 2005 day 24

Breakfast was Cantaloup.

Lunch was 3 Pesto stuffed mushrooms.

Dinner was a bowl of corn chowder.

I was really hungry today, but was out working, so couldn't get anything to eat until late.

So, most of the day I was thinking about food. It is interesting how the mind works. We drove by a check cashing place, and I read it as chicken cashing, I had to look twice. Now I would never eat chicken, but I must have been thinking of food, to see the sign that way.

It reminds me of a blind date I had one time. This guy came to pick me up and we were standing in my front courtyard. I had some statues there, and in the top of one of the statues, I had some glass beads, just sitting there looking pretty. They wer small, about 1/4 inch, and they were black and baby blue.

The way they were sitting, some of them touched.

He kept looking at them, and was very fidgetty. I couldn't figure out why.

Then all of a sudden, he told me that he was a recovering addict of prescription and street drugs. And that those blue and black pills in that statue sure looked inviting to him, and could he have some? and why did I have those kinds of drugs sitting in y front yard?

Well, I tried to be polite, and I explained to him that they were glass beads.

He really didn't believe me, so he went and picked them up, and then realized that I was right, and that they were indeed glass beads.

He told me that he was trying to recover from drugs, and the blue and black ones were his favorite, and those beads looked like the drugs to him.

Well, needless to say, I did not go out with him, and I removed the beads from the statue, and I realized that he was indeed "trying" to recover, but was having a hard time, because he still saw things as if he was looking for drugs.

I felt like that today. I wanted to eat SOMETHING, and yet, I didn't want to eat just anything.

At home, I have all kinds of raw food, fruit, veggies, and pate's, burgers, chicken fingers, chowder, pretty much anything, but out working today, there just wasn't anything.

I thought I could just pop into a grocery store, and buy something, but nothing was really ripe, or looked that good.

So, it was interesting to observe my thoughts and feelings today around food, or the lack of it.

I simply accepted that I was fasting for a few hours. As everything happens perfectly in the Universe. All I need to do is allow the Universe to bring everything to me that I desire.

February 12, 2005 day 25

This morning I had a glass of Orange Juice.

Then I went to the Art Gallery for my artist's reception.

It was very nice, saw a lot of people, and did an original sketch for a man, and did about 10 Psychic Readings. I do enjoy working outside of my home once in a while.

When we got to the gallery, there was a wonderful setting waiting for us, we had a very special place surrounded with windows to do the signings.

They are such wonderful people to work with.

For lunch I had a banana.

For dinner I had a large green salad with tomatoes, and some black olives, and 3 pesto stuffed mushrooms.

February 13, 2005 day 26

For breakfast My boyfriend (my beloved) made me orange juice, oh how yummy to wake up to delicous juice served by a delicious man, mmmmmmm.

Lunch was a 1/2 pineapple and 1 banana.

Dinner was 3 pesto stuffed mushrooms (yes I do indeed love these) I just freeze them, then when I want one or two, I pop them in the dehydrator, and in about an hour they are warm and juicy, and tasty, yummy.

I also had a tostada:

1 pizza wrap (dehydrated to crisp)
1 barley burger patty (1/8 of the meatloaf recipe)
taco seasoning
cashew sour cream
hot salsa
chopped tomatoes
sliced lettuce
black olives

Really good, tasted very much like the old SAD (Standard American Diet) ones I used to eat, only better. I only ate one, although I used to eat as many as 4 SAD ones in one sitting.

Actually had to get up at a decent time again today, as My boyfriend and I had to do a personal appearance for Charity, for the tsunami relief survivors, and we did autographs, psychic readings, and I did Guardian Angel Drawings and My boyfriend did healings.

We do alot of personal appearances, but our favorite thing to do is to help others, so this was a wonderful way to do both.

They had cookies, and coffee, etc. there for us and I simply drank the water.

I had 1/2 of a pineaple cubed, and one banana while I was there.

As the promoter of the event was eating a cookie, she saw me eating my banana, and said, "I'm over hear eating THIS, while you are eating something good for you.", and I smiled and said, "I am eating only raw foods now.", she came over to chat with me, we have known each other for about 20 years, she is a very beautiful blond with a fantastic figure, always has been. She said, that she had heard of this, and how was I doing? I explained how good I felt, and she indicated that I looked really good.

Another person, who was doing readings, came over to ask me about my food, since I was eating fruit and drinking water, while everyone else was munching on cookies and coffee, and I explained the raw food lifestyle briefly to him. He was quite interested, but had some feelings of NOT wanting to give up meat.

I said, all you can do, is the best you can do. And I told him of several websites to get him started. I didn't mention my un-cook books, as I didn't want him to think I was trying to sell him something.

Several people who hadn't seen me in a while asked if I had lost weight.

Again, what an ego boost, I explained that I've lost around 17 or 18 pounds so far, and that I was eating only raw food. They all were interested, but some of them had an excuse why they couldn't do it right now, as if my eating only raw foods, somehow impacted on them.

I find in observing people and their reaction to my eating raw, or vegan or even vegetarian for that matter, I observe myself in my past.

The biggest thing I noticed when I went vegetarian, was that people always had a comment about it.

Either they said something along the line of, "Yeah, I used to be a vegetarian for 10 years, then MY DOCTOR told me I better start eating meat again, or I wouldn't live very long." WOW, have you ever heard anything so obsurd, as a doctor telling someone to NOT eat veggies and fruit?

Or they say something along the lines of, "Yeah, I've thought about not eating meat, but I'm on the Eat right for your type diet, and I'm supposed to eat alot of meat, in fact I'm not supposed to eat any fruits or vegetables at all." I simply think, OK, do what you like.

Or they say something along the lines of, "Yeah, well YOU be an extremist if you want, I'm going to stick to what is right for me." And I think, Extremist, how exstreme is eating fresh fruits and veggies, personally I think eating dead, skinned, disembowled, cooked and sauced food, seems pretty extreme to me.

OR my favorite one is this, "Okay, so you eat carrots and oranges, WHERE ARE YOU GONNA' GET YOUR PROTEIN FROM,? That's what I want to know." I always hesitate to say anything, because it sounds so flip. The same place the cows, gorillas, horses get their protein from, green leafy vegetables.

It isn't just me, MOST of the vegetarians, vegans, and raw foodist have heard these things, and it is so common. I wonder why these people have to justify their eating habits to me. I don't care what they choose to eat. I didn't ask them what they were eating, or why.

But they all have to justify what they are eating, and why, and why they CAN'T eat vegetarian, or some such thing.

I never even mention I am a vegetarian, or vegan, or now raw foodist, unless someone asks.

Usually it is a friend sitting at the table, who points out that I CAN'T eat cooked food.

And I always have to explain, that I CAN eat anything I choose, and I choose at this moment in time, to eat only Ripe, Raw, fresh, and hopefully organic foods if possible.

If I can't get them, then I don't eat anything.

It isn't that I CAN'T eat cooked food, it is that I DON'T CHOOSE to eat it, because it doesn't exsist, there is no such thing as COOKED food, it simply isn't food to me. It won't nurish my body, so why eat it?

I haven't noticed this behavior in any other type of situation, except food and eating.

I haven't noticed any smokers telling me why they still smoke although I don't anymore, or any people who drink alcohol, or pop, or coffee, it is only people who are eating meat. I find this a strange observation, however, it is true across the board.

In fact, it is so true, that if I am sitting in a restaurant, and someone overhears us all talking about food, and vegetarianism, or vegans, or raw foodists, people at other tables within earshot will speak up, and tell me why they aren't vegetarian.

I think thou must protest too much, is my thoughts on this.

Why would someone feel the need to defend themselves, unless they feel attacked? And by whom are they being attacked? How can MY choosing not to eat something attack them?

I think it is because people in their inner most hearts, KNOW somewhere deep down that eating dead things, and other beings on our planet just isn't right.

That is why they feel attacked, and why they feel they must justify their barbaric choices, and eating practices.

I would never say to anyone, you are eating another being. If you had to kill this being with your own two hands, and then rip out it's gut with your teeth, and eat it along with the fur, eyes, brains, bones, claws, beaks and entrails, would you?

Because that is how carnivors eat their kill.

And I believe that if you put an apple and a kitten in a playpen with a child, the child will eat the apple, and play with the kitten.

If you put an apple and a kitten in a playpen with a baby lion or tiger then they would play with the apple and eat the kitten.

This is how I feel about what is our instinct and ingrained in us.

We have to be taught to eat cooked, and dead beings. It isn't natural.

Our digestive system is very long and turns, and curves, and it very similar to an apes, who is a fruigivor, and occasionally eats plants.

Carnivors, have very short and straight intestinal tracts.

Just my thoughts, I could be wrong, but this is what I believe today.

However, after this long disertation, let me say this, that My boyfriend has never once tried to explain to me why he eats meat, nor has he tried to justify it to me, as there is no need. He is centered in his own choices as I am, and neither of us, tries to change the other. He often eats my raw food, and always helps me prepare it, in fact I often think he makes better raw food than I do, because he always makes truly rawsome deserts.
Maybe it is because he is centered in his space, and needs no acceptance by anyone to justify his life.

February 14, 2005 Day 27

Woke up this morning feeling great.

Drank a large glass of Orange Juice for breakfast.

Ate a large green salad for Lunch with herb tea that my beloved picked from our yard, camomile.

Ate 2 pesto stuffed mushrooms and 1 barley burger patty with hot sauce for Dinner, and water.

February 15, 2005 Day 28

Well, here I am at 4 weeks raw, only two more days to go to finish my 30 day challenge.

Then I'm going to turn around and do it again.

For Breakfast 2 large glasses of Orange Juice that my boyfriend made.

For lunch a huge Green Salad with tomatoes, olives, and mushrooms, and herb tea.

For dinner I had black olives, and water.

I am feeling entirely different than I did 28 days ago. Oh my goodness, I can hardly believe the difference.

I sleep through the entire night, no getting up to go to the bathroom.

In the morning I wake up and have no funny taste in my mouth, no pain, no aches, no headaches, which is really fantastic, as I have had those since I was a teenager.

When I eat, I want to fuel my body, not stuff it with junk, and not stuff down feelings, I am eating for an entirely different reason than before.

I am spending alot of time meditating, and sitting in the Sauna, and Hot Tub and just enjoying life. I used to work 20 hours a day, and feel guilty if I ever stopped for myself.

I am reading again, I have worn glasses since the 3rd grade, but my eyes have gotten continually worse, where I am legally blind (an of course I am an artist), where now I can read again, and without a magnifying glass, that is soooooo wonderful.

My feet don't hurt at all, and they used to hurt all the time, my legs, hips and back feel great, I used to have My boyfriend massage them all the time, because they were so painful, now he just massages me for fun, and visa versa.

And no digestive challenges, boy is that nice.

I am always so surprised when I wake up in the morning, and I feel so good in my body. I used to think I had the wrong body, and now I know I was just feeding it the wrong fuel, well, actually I wasn't even feeding it fuel before.

Feb 16, 2005 Day 29

One more day and I will have completed the 30 day Challenge.

Had a glass of orange juice for breakfast.

Lunch was some black olives.

Dinner was 1/2 of a raw sausage pattie (while it was dehydrating), and 3 rawviolies with marinara sauce, and a glass of orange juice.

One very interesting thing that happened today was my son was up visiting and he had a friend with him, who is a chef.

While I was dehydrating my raw sausage patties, they smelled so good, that my son, who has been raw off and on, wanted to try some, so he and his friend each had a little taste of them, they thought they were really great, so I pulled out some bar-b-que chicken fingers, they loved them, and some raw cashew fudge, they ate several pieces. And so I let them try a little taste of my Rawviolies, and they of course, thought they were so very good that they each ate one.

And they said they were the best Raviolies they had ever eaten. They loved the Marinara sauce, and couldn't believe it was vegetarian, let alone raw, as it tasted so rich and full.

So, now my son wants to eat raw food.

I thought the rawviolies were absolutely delicious. And the raw sausage was really good also.

February 17, 2005 day 30

YES !!!

I woke up this morning feeling so wonderful, knowing that I had accomplished something that few even dream of.

A Major Life Change, a Life changing breakthrough into being even more of who I am (I just didn't know it before.)

Today I had orange juice for breakfast.

Two kiwis for snack.

Lunch was 4 sausage patties, green salad, black olives and a couple of chocolate walnut truffles.

Dinner was Rawviolies, 2 sausage patties, 2 pesto stuffed mushrooms and orange juice.

Well, I made it to 30 days at 100% raw and I lost a total of 20 pounds.

First, I feel physically great, and mentally alert, and emotionally more stable. I also feel wonderful at accomplishing something that I only dreamed about just a short month ago.

Well, I can say that I am going to continue on with my love of my life, and my raw lifestyle.

And I would like to thank each and every one of you, who emailed me, wrote to me, messaged me, and called me to wish me luck, and to support me.

And most of all, I would like to thank my boyfriend for supporting me, by taking all of the packaged and canned food out to the garage, moving his food out there, and always cooking outside, I would also like to thank him for doing everything in his power to support me in my life choices, although they are not his life choices.

Thank you my beloved boyfriend for always being my best friend.

February 18, 2005 day 31

Breakfast Orange Juice.

Lunch was corn chowder.

Dinner was Rawviolies with Marinara Sauce.

Snack was Orange Juice.

February 19, 2005 day 32

Breakfast was Orange juice and a banana

Lunch was Orange Juice, and nutmilkshake, one green olive (these are way too salty for me now, even soaked--used to eat up to 10 in one sitting, and NOT think they were salty at all) and 2 baby dill pickles.

Snack nutmilkshake.

Dinner was a Taco Salad, lettuce, tomato, white onion, a barley burger crumbled up with mexican spices, cashew sour cream and hot salsa, yummy.

February 20, 2005 day 33

Breakfast was Orange juice and a banana.

Lunch was a nutmilk shake.

Dinner was black olives.

Snack was Orange Juice.

I haven't been really hungry today.

February 21, 2005 day 34

Well, I made up for the last couple of days, because I was very hungry all day.

Breakfast was Herb tea and Orange Juice.

Snack was a banana.

Lunch was a Taco Salad, Lettuce shredded, tomato, cashew sour cream, one barley burger pattie (the meatloaf recipe about 1/10, in a patty) mexican spices, and hot salsa, super yummy.

Snack was black olives.

Dinner was Orange Juice.

It's funny, I was sitting here thinking about what my life was like just a little over a month ago.

First of all, I was 25 pounds heavier, that alone is a big difference.

I would toss and turn all night, get up a couple of times to go to the bathroom. I could barely walk, my ankles and feet hurt so much.

I used to wake up and My boyfriend would make me a hot latte' with 1/2 and 1/2 instead of milk, I wouldnt' eat breakfast, I wouldn't eat lunch, I'd often take a nap, because I was so tired during the day.

We would often go out for dinner, which was usually 1/2 of a huge plate of deep fried Onion Rings, with Ranch dressing, I would drink 2 or 3 large Pepsis, and sometimes a medium milkshake, with a garden burger, with cheese, dripping in mayo, mustard, and a bunch of pickles, on a bun, and either french fries or a large salad again dripping with dressing.

Then we would come home, and I would often eat either a couple of chocolate bars, with more latte' and maybe some ice cream or some toasted italian bread with lots of butter.

I would also often eat 2 boca burgers with Heinz 57 sauce, and top ramen, or kraft Macaroni and cheese, or our favorite food would be home made pizza, we would eat the entire thing in one evening. This would be dinner if we didn't go out for dinner.

I was always tired, although my friends always said I worked all the time, but I really had to, because I was so tired all the time, what a vicious circle.

At the time, I didn't really think I ate that much food, it didn't seem like a lot to me, as I was always hungry, and always feeling deprived. I didn't drink coffee for 7 years, then I dated a guy who had an espresso shop, and I started drinking it again, and just couldn't kick it. You always saw me with a big 44 ounce breve' (latte' made with 1/2 and 1/2 instead of milk)

However, since being RAW, I feel like I have an unlimited amount of food choices now, where before I always felt like there was ONLY garden burgers or boca burgers, and an occasional veggie pizza.

Now, although I am not eating any cooked food, it seems like there are endless choices to me for food.

I have every fruit, veggie, herb, greens and nuts available in addition to any combination of them.

I drink nutmilkshakes, herbal teas, fresh fruit juices, I eat (all raw) taco salads, raviolies, enchiladas, burgers, sausages, falafel, bar-b-que chicken fingers, meatloaf with hot salsa, stuffed mushrooms, and on and on and on.

I can't even name all of the food that is available to me that is raw.

I look back on my life, and see how I was barely surviving on the food (supposed food) that I was eating and drinking, and now I can have anything I choose, and I love it.

I feel totally satisfied with the food that I am eating, and drinking. I love the food, and if I didn't, I would find something else, as there are limitless choices.

Many of my friends used to ask me what I ate being a vegetarian, they thought I ate chicken and fish, when I would explain that I don't eat chicken or fish, or eggs, they would say, "Well, there isn't anything left."

Actually back then, when I would eat cooked vegetarian food, I felt I had choices, but not alot of them.

Now, eating only RAW food, I feel like I have an endless amount of choices, which I do.

It is funny how people see things. Although vegetarianism was a choice for me, I felt deprived, as I was constantly struggling with trying (there is that word) to give up dairy, and wheat.

Pretty much pastas and vegetarian pizza or veggie lasagna was what my family would serve when I was there.

I have to admit it was so sweet of them to actually go out of their way to provide special food, just for me, I always felt so loved and cherished by them.

But, I would struggle and feel so very deprived by "feeling" like I had to give up wheat and dairy, as I would react to it so strongly.

So for the last 10 years, I have been vegetarian, and "struggling" to be dairy free and wheat free, although I did it for a few months a couple of times, I always went back.

When I became a rawfoodist, it was different, I didn't feel deprived at all. And I still don't, I feel fine about my food choices.

Because it is a choice, it isn't something that I am doing for a purpose.

It simply is the way I eat now.

February 22, 2005 Day 35

Breakfast Orange Juice

Lunch black olives

Dinner Water

I just haven't felt very hungry, I'm not trying to fast or anything.

February 23, 2005 Day 36

Breakfast Orange Juice.

Lunch tea

Dinner Water

Honest, I am not trying to fast, I just haven't been hungry at all.

My son was up to help me with a big construction project, new drain field, and he brought one of his helpers. My son is so wonderful, not only did he stop what he was doing in Oregon, but drove all the way up here (6 hours one way) to help, and brought one of his workers, and he paid him to help him help me.

He also took his helper out to dinner every day, so I never had to cook, because he supports my raw lifestyle, he invited me and my boyfriend too, and sometimes we went, but usually we just stayed home, so there would be no temptation, as he likes to go to this little steakhouse I used to frequent, they have some food, that I used to love. Also, we are so rural, that there are only about 4 places within 1/2 hour from our home, everything else is over an hour away.

My son got this flu that must be going around, and his helper got it too, they felt terrible, but still worked all except two days, when they couldn't even get out of bed.

I made them raw juice and soup, and they felt much better after that.

Once my son finished the job and left, my boyfriend came down with the flu, on Sunday, he still has it so bad. He finally tried eating something today 4 days later, and had to go back to bed, instantly, all he can keep down is pop. Well, I suppose it at least has some sugar and liquid in it.

I keep making him fresh juice, but he says it is too acidic for him, so finally today I got him to eat a banana, and he felt a little better, at least it stayed down.

The funny thing about all of this, is that I haven't been sick at all. Even with three terribly sick people in the house.

I have a little sore throat and I haven't been too hungry, had a pretty bad headache last night, but that is all.

Now, I am thinking is this because I have been eating only raw food for over a month? And, I take a sauna each day, to help with detox, and breath in the Eucalyptus oil that is in there. I feel it helps with my lungs, have manifested challenges with my lungs off and on in my life.

So, maybe that is why I am not sick. I didn't want to say anything earlier in my posts in fear that I might jinx, my wellness.

I feel so badly for my boyfriend, he is so very sick.

He hasn't had a cigarette in 4 days, (of course he only smoked about 1 or 2 a day before-- I think I wore off on him, as I don't smoke at all), and he didn't have any coffee until this morning. His total food consumption for 4 days was 1/2 a bottle of cola and a banana today, and a sandwich today, Homemade bread and raw homemade mayo and pickles, with canned tuna. For some reason he thought this sounded good. I think it is because it has a lot of flavor, and probably is a comfort food for him from his childhood.

My comfort food used to be milk toast, of course I am allergic to dairy and wheat, and I used to love Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I had a lot of rituals around food, how it was prepared, what dish it was served in, when and where I ate it. It all sounds so funny now, but it all had to be perfect. If someone else would have made it, I am sure I wouldn't have liked it. When I ate meat, I ate macaroni and cheese with breakfast link sausages, then when I went vegetarian, I ate it with Morning Star breakfast sausages (still have a bunch in the freezer), then when I was trying to give up wheat (while eating mac and cheese yeah right) I would eat lifeline breakfast sausages, with no wheat.

I laugh at myself and my observances of who I was, am and will be.

Life is such a blessing to be able to enjoy.

I bought my boyfriend flowers yesterday. I never buy flowers, as we have a beautiful yard full, in the spring and summer, and I don't believe in cutting them to adorn my residence, instead of being outside where they thrive.

The only time we have flowers in the house, is if they fall to the gound, or a stalk gets broken by our dog or cat, or if our gardeners accidentally cut one off when they are mowing the lawn or weeding.

So, my boyfriend was really surprised to get flowers from me.

I pretty much have been surviving on lots of water, my gosh, I can't believe how much I am drinking, and orange juice and an occasional olive, I did have a couple of salads a few days ago. But right now, nothing even sounds good to me.

I keep thinking okay what sounds good, and the only thing that sounds good is a grilled cheese sandwich

I used to make those for myself, whenever I felt low or a little down. They were one of my favorite comfort foods, pretty much any kind of wheat and dairy.

My mom always ate ice cream. She passed away 20 years ago, my gosh how time flies. I wish I could have introduced her to raw frozen banana ice cream and chopped nuts, and fresh frozen raw ripe delicious fruits. I know she would have liked that.

Being without my boyfriend the last few days in the office has actually been a blessing to me, as now I can appreciate him even more when he comes back.

He does all of the email correspondance, answering the phone, all the packaging and shipping, and all the driving. He usually does the dishes and alot of the food preparation. Juice making, dehydrating, grocery buying etc.

I do the easy stuff, I sell air. Well, actually I am a professional psychic so I talk for money, usually on the phone. I also do TV and radio appearances, and many rituals and ceremonies, a few classes, but basically I talk for money.

I also paint, which is fun, so I can't really think of it as any kind of work.

My boyfriend makes gorgeous magickal amulets, talisman, magick wands, wizards staffs, and does rituals and ceremonies too. So, not having him in the office has really been a challenge, but a good one, because, as I said I will appreciate him even more.

Well, life is such a blessed journey, life is good, and I am a happy person.

February 24, 2005 Day 37

Well, it seems odd to be typing here about what I eat, as it all seems old hat to me now.

I suppose it is ingrained in me, I don't even think about it anymore.

Just like when I would cook veggies instead of meat. I simply did it.

Now, I do the same with raw foods.

I put some sun dried tomatoes in to soak earlier, and decided I was going to have rawviolies for dinner.

Pulled out some lettuce for salad, and some olives for lunch.

Set aside fruit for juice.

I don't even think about other food. Haven't picked up a pan in over a month, keep grains in the oven as storage, because it's never used anymore.

I just seems odd to think about journaling something that seems so natural to me now.

Breakfast Orange juice

Snack 1/2 of banana

Lunch Green Salad with balck olives.

Dinner Rawviolies, with marinara sauce.

Well, My boyfriend is up and about today for a few hours. He is still so very sick. I had a headache one night, and a cough for a couple of days and that is it for me. My son called tonight, and he is still sick. I am so blessed to be 100% raw.

February 25, 2005 Day 38

Well, all I ate today was a large salad for lunch with tomatoes, mushrooms and black olives.

I am kind of wanting salt, so I will have some more olives.

That is pretty much it. Although I found myself wanting toast again today. Not really a craving, in fact it was on the table in front of me (as my boyfriend was eating eggs and toast) while I was dining on salad at our fun little restaurant we go to.

And it looked so pale and blah to me, the margarine (plastic yellow stuff) was all congealed looking, and the pasty white dry bread stuff wasn't even toasted, it was just dry. I heard him crunch into it, and thought yuck.

So, although I think I want toast and I certainly could have had some. I didn't want THAT toast.

Well, off to eat more olives, I think I just need either comfort food because I am still not perfectly well, or I want some salt.

Also, having alot of financial and emotional situations in my career right now, so will have to accept whatever the lesson is, with my manifestation of these matters, and release them, so I can be happy again.

February 26, 2005 Day 39

Well, had to get up early, set an alarm clock, just in case, we didn't wake up in time, but of course we did. I never sleep well, when I know I might sleep through the alarm. It reminds me of when I used to WORK for a living, instead of doing what I truly love.

I taught two FREE watercolor demos at Daniel Smith art store in Seattle. That is always fun. Then came home to start teaching a three day class, to a wonderful couple. It is called, "The Secrets to becoming a High Priest/ess" It is such a fun class to teach on paganism.

It always surprises me, how so many cultures have the same basic principles.

I have a Ph.D. in the Philosophy of Religion, so this class is right up my alley.

Breakfast was orange juice,

Snack was 1/2 banana,

Lunch was black olives

Dinner was Taco Salad, lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, hot salsa, and a barley burger with mexican spices.

Snack was orange juice.

February 27, 2005 Day 40

Breakfast was Orange Juice

Lunch was a nice big green salad with tomato and black olives.

Snack was tea

Dinner was pecan carrot burger, and barley burger, with hot sauce.

February 28, 2005 Day 41

Breakfast was Orange Juice

Lunch was a huge green salad with tomatoes

Dinner was a barley burger pattie with hot sauce, rawviolies with marinara sauce, and black olives.

March 1, 2005 Day 42

Breakfast was tea

Lunch was a blood orange and a handful of walnuts

Dinner was raviolie with marinara sauce and a barley burger pattie.

Snack was black olives.

March 2, 2005 Day 43

Breakfast was Orange Juice

Lunch was 1 banana and Orange Juice

Dinner --went out with friends to super fancy restaurant. Got dressed up. When I looked at the menu, there was not one thing that was even vegetarian, except a portabello grilled and marinated.

So, I ordered the fruit garnishes as a salad, and I order a really large dinner salad as an entre'. I asked them for anything raw, and uncooked, nothing canned or packaged, and any veggie, fruit or greens they may have.

They brought me orange and apple slices decoratively laid out on a beautiful plate,
then the salad was all kinds of beautiful greens, grated carotts, sliced mushrooms, apples, asparagus, tomatoes, onion, and a wonderful homemade vineagrette dressing, and I also got a honey mustard dressing, everything was so beautiful, tasty and fancy.

I ordered fresh raspberry sorbet for desert.

It was heavenly.

I have the dearest friends to take me and my boyfriend out.

March 3, 2005 Day 44

Brakfast was orange juice

Snack was Banana

Lunch was green salad

snack was black olives

Dinner was raviolies with marinara sauce, and meatloaf burger.

I have started to have some real thoughts of cooked food, which I think is so odd after almost 1 1/2 months being raw.

It's not that I want to actually eat the food, but it is that I keep thinking about it.

I feel like I have eaten some wheat somewhere and now I want more of it.

So, I will simply observe this about myself, and keep eating raw.

I also know that I am choosing to eat this way, and if I were to choose to eat a different way, I would do that.

March 4, 2005 Day 45

Breakfast was Orange Juice

Snack was Banana

Lunch was Rawviolies with marinara sauce and a meatloaf burger.

Dinner was black olives, green olives, truffles, blood orange

I was in a Seminar all day, and will be all day Saturday and Sunday, so made a bunch of truffles, bought some really good olives, and will be taking this along with fruits and salad with me.

March 5, 2005 Day 46

Breakfast was orange.

Snack was black olives, green olives, blood orange and truffles.

Lunch was a large green salad

Snack was black olives, green olives and truffles.

Dinner was corn chowder.

Had a great seminar day, will finish up tomorrow.

Talked about raw food to several people and let someone taste my truffles. She loved them, couldn't believe they were raw.

I gave her my recipe.

I used to think that eating raw food would be difficult in real life.

I go to seminars, teach classes, I travel a great deal. I work out of my home, and I figured that it wouldn't be too hard to eat raw when I was at home working.

However, I thought it would be difficult to eat raw while going to seminars, and on the road. I thought there would be so much prep, and I would have to take so much food with me. That it would be difficult to find food and to prepare it.

But I was wrong. All I did these past two days was to take some fresh fruit, and some olives in little ziplock containers, a big salad and some dressing, and some little raw treats to munch on.

Several people around me were eating snack bars and candy bars and drinking pop. I used to think that was seminar food. I used to think that taking my food would be difficult and hard.

Actually, all I did was get up about 10 minutes early and pack some stuff up.

The one big thing I noticed was that I was not tired during the afternoon. I used to always feel like sleeping during the afternoon, and I noticed several people were kind of napping this afternoon, however I was alert.

March 6, 2005 Day 47

Breakfast was Orange Juice

Lunch black olives, green olives,

Dinner was zucchini spaghetti with marinara sauce, and barley burger, and truffles

March 7, 2005 Day 48

Breakfast was Orange Juice

Lunch was black olives and green olives.

Snack was orange juice.

Dinner was barley burger patty with hot sauce, and black olives.

March 8, 2005 Day 49

Wow, 7 weeks, almost two months. I can hardly believe it.

Breakfast was Orange Juice

Lunch was black olives, and green olives

Dinner was salad with tomatoes, and black olives (can't seem to get enough of these little guys right now) Barley burger patty, with hot sauce.

March 9, 2005 Day 50

Breakfast was orange juice.

Lunch was corn bread with honey. YUMMY!!!

Snack was 2 Gourmet greek black olives, that my beloved hubby bought for me as a special treat.

Dinner was green salad with dressing, 1/2 barley burger patty, bowl of corn chowder.

Snack was orange juice.

I made another batch of my barley burger patties, I made them a little different this time, more celery and more sundried tomatoes, and alot more spice. They were delicious.

I also made pizza wraps with a bunch more spices than usual.

And I made some of my marianara sauce, mostly sun dried tomatoes from our garden, even the herbs and garlic in them is from our garden. We made them last year. The sauce is heavenly.

March 10, 2005 Day 51

Breakfast was orange juice

Lunch was 1/2 barley burger.

Dinner was black greek olives, orange juice, ice water.

Had a big emotional break down tonight. Got very upset. I know it is the New moon, and in Pisces so it is HIGHLY emotional, and my sun is in Pisces, so that may have been part of it, or maybe detox, or maybe it is just before my period, or maybe I didn't eat enough, but whatever happened. It was really a challenge emotionally.

I used to feel this way about 4 days before my period when I was not raw.

But haven't felt this way since I went raw. So will see if this is still the case, or maybe some satanic form of detox.

March 11, 2005 Day 52

Breakfast was orange Juice.

Snack was blood orange, yummy.

Lunch was black olives.

Snack was Orange Juice.

Dinner was a hamburger (Pizza wrap with a barley burger patty, and mustard and pickle) 3 Pesto Stuffed Mushrooms.

March 12, 2005 Day 53

Breakfast was orange juice.

Snack was tea.

Lunch was black olives, green olives, greek olives (I am becoming addicted to gourmet olives)

Snack was green grapes. 1 whole pound. WOW. I really wanted grapes today.(I usually eat about one handful)

Dinner was 2 pesto stuffed mushrooms and two tacos (1 pizza wrap cut in half with a barley burger patty, with mexican seasoning, fresh cut white onion, tomato and lettuce, and salsa)YUMMY.

My hubby who is NOT raw, loves the pesto stuffed mushrooms.

And we made about 60 rawviolies today, we freeze them, then take them out smother them with marinara sauce, and place them on a plate in the dehydrator. In a few minutes they are warm and super yummy. I often take a frozen barely burger patty, and eat it with the rawviolies, as if it were meatballs.

We also made zoom burger buns from Cherie Soria's recipe. And Alissa's morning muffins.

I had soaked a bunch of spelt berries, so was manking a bunch of thing with sprouted wheat berries in them.

Have been having alot of fun making a bunch of new and fun recipes.

March 13, 2005 Day 54

Breakfast was Orange Juice.

Snack was greek olives and grapes, I know what a strange combination, but I love it. LOL

Lunch was a burger, Barley burger patty with mustard, mayo and pickles on a zoom burger onion bun.

Snack was greek olives

Dinner was 4 pesto stuffed mushrooms and a barley burger patty with mustard and mayo and pickles. Tried the zoom burger buns again, didn't like them the second time, don't know why, but am listening to my body more and more.

Late night snack was my cinnabon nutmilk shake. (SOOOOO yummy!!)

Like the grapes and olives thing, I don't know why that is so appealing, and it sounds terrible, but I love it, at least for right now. When I don't want to eat them any more, then I won't.

I am finally eating based on what my body wants, not because I am trying to push down feelings, or fear.

I eat when I feel hungry, something that I never wanted to feel after years of dieting, and starving myself just to keep my overweight body, somewhat close to normal.

I can remember being a professional dancer and not eating all day before I danced, so my stomach would be as flat as possible. No matter how heavy I was, my stomach was always flat, until about 5 years ago. (Oh, well)

I can remember weighing 137 pounds and feeling like I was as fat as a hog. Just because some form said I was overweight. Although my waist was only 22" and I looked thin, I felt terrible. I wore a size 7, but felt huge.

Body size is such a subjective thing. I was in a grocery store the other day (I never go to stores), where I saw some young people, they may have been 13 or 14, they were huge. Their parents were huge, and I remember looking around and noticing that almost every person I saw was huge.

I mean really a big person, way over 300 pounds. I find this so hard to understand, as I was always big, around 140 to 160 most of my life, but I didnt' hit 200 pounds until I was in my 40's.

But I do remember being on a diet my entire life. The first diet I went on was when I was 7, my mother was afraid I would get fat, so she put me on a carbohydrate diet. Only 5 carbs a day, and as much meat and butter and eggs as I could keep down. That was the way we lived, until I hit high school, and realized that most people ate differently that we did.

Of course, as we all know now about dieting, and cutting your food intake, my metabolism slowed down more and more, until it was basically on survival mode. I used to say I would gain weight looking at food, and it felt like that too.

I can't even begin to remember how many diets I went on and how many diet centers I went to, everyone that you can name now and in the past. Also, I bought every diet book, read every diet in every magazine, and just tried everything I could think of.

But, I kept gaining weight. I started smoking because everyone I saw smoking was thinner than me.

I did quit smoking in 1977, I quit drinking in 1983, I quit eating meat in 1995, and I quit cooked food in 2005. aproximately every 10 years or so, I give up something that was not good for me. I must say that it feels good to be able to say that I quit some things that were not good for me.

Life is such an interesting adventure. I know that I am doing what is perfect for me, and I hope that others do the same for them.

My hubby doesn't eat entirely raw, although he eats alot more raw than most people. He eats mostly fresh, raw, ripe organic fruits, nuts, seeds and veggies in salads and smoothies each day. He does eat a littel chicken once in a while. But doesn't ever go out to eat fast food anymore.

He has cut down his smoking to one or two cigarettes a day, and hasn't had a drink in weeks. Although he says he isn't trying to quit anything, he says he just doesn't want these things that much any more.

I think it is because he is eating so much raw food now, that his tastes are changing, and he is right, he doesn't want this stuff any more.

March 14, 2005 Day 55

Breakfast was Celery, walnut, pesto stuffed mushrooms and tea. (I was super hungry this morning when I woke up.)

Snack was Orange juice

Lunch was Pineapple and Olives

Snack wast grapefruit juice

Dinner was rawviolies with marinara sauce and a burger patty.

Was simply starving today, felt like I did when I used to eat SAD. Funny, it has been so long since I felt this way, I didn't know how to act. I found myself opening the refridgerator door, and just standing there, staring into it. I haven't done this since I went raw.

I also had some ankle and hip pain today, which I haven't had since I went raw.

So, I am wondering what happened? Maybe this is a strange form of a healing crisis.

I will embrace it and allow my body to heal exactly as it chooses. And co-create a pleasant and profoundly blissful detox/healing crisis in my body and mind.

March 15, 2005 Day 56

Breakfast was air

Lunch was pineapple, fresh, juicy, golden, yummy (I like these big burly guys)

Snack was greek olives

Dinner was two bowlfulls of creamy mushroom soup (my newest recipe for my books) I have perfected it to absolute delight.

If my recipes don't delight me, then I know they aren't perfect YET.

Snack was two pesto stuffed mushrooms (I seem to be wanting lots of mushrooms lately) and greek olives and Orange juice (there is that strange combination again.)

Worked very hard today mentally and physically. Did a bunch of errands, paid bills, went to all my banks, then came home and ate a ton of pineapple for lunch, then went out in the garden under the High Priestess temple and made cement pavers, almost did the entire temple. Of course, all the little pieces are still to be done, and like most creative projects the little finish work takes all the time and effort.

Had my blood preasure checked and it has gone way down, it used to be 220 over 95, and my resting heart rate was 160, YES, I KNOW. Way too high.

Today it was 148 over 79 and my resting heart rate was 76. What a difference.

Life is such a magickal journey to be sure.

March 16, 2005 Day 57

Breakfast was Orange Juice

Snack was stuffed mushrooms and greek olives.

Lunch was green salad with olives, tomatoes and mushrooms with tea.

Dinner was Burger patty, stuffed mushrooms and rawviolie.

Snack was Orange Juice.

March 17, 2005 Day 58

Breakfast was Orange Juice, pineapple and banana.

Lunch was a handful of Brazil nuts and Greek olives.

Snack was 2 cashew frozen fudge pieces and tea.

Dinner was 4 pesto stuffed mushrooms and a tostada. (pizza wrap, 1 barley burger patty, mexican seasoning, lettuce, tomato and hot salsa)

March 18, 2005 Day 59

Breakfast was tea and black olives.

Lunch was Orange Julius.

Dinner was salad with tomato and potatoe.

Snack was pesto stuffed mushrooms.

March 19,. 2005 Day 60

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms and tea.

Snack was greek olives.

Dinner was green salad potato, cauliflower, carrots and brocolli with spices.

March 20, 2005 Day 61

Breakfast was pesto stuffed mushrooms, greek olives and orange juice.

Snack was greek olives, orange juice and 2 chocolate walnuts.

Lunch was cream of mushroom soup, and 1/2 piece of corn bread with honey, and greek olives.

It is so much fun eating lots of different raw foods. All the different choices that I have now, compared to when I was eating cooked vegetarian/vegan fair.

I have been eating things I never thought I would be eating on raw. Rawviolies, corn bread, stuffed mushrooms, enchiladas, creamy mushroom soup, corn chowder, spaghetti.

You see, I have been trying to not eat wheat and dairy for years, so raviolie, spaghetti, and cream sauces and soups have been things I haven't eaten for years.

It is so unbelievable to me that I can eat all of these wonderful items and be happy and healthy, and loosing weight.

March 21, 2005 Day 62

Breakfast was pineapple and orange juice

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms.

Snack was greek olives and orange juice

Dinner was burger and rawviolies with marinara sauce and tea.

My son and granddaughters are visiting for a couple of days, and we did a manifestation ritual to the God/desses with them. I gave them each a spell casting kit, with a treasure box, crystal ball, black magick salt, scrying mirror, magick chalk, black tissue paper, black feather, candle, sacred organic raw herbs, sacred sapphire dust, incense and a few other fun things.

They had so much fun, writing out their affirmations, and doing their own little witch's spell.

Then we all sat in the hot tub, and then they watched my interview on TV. They had never seen it. It was 12 minutes long, and it was filmed last year at my castle.

Evening magazine in Seattle came out, and interviewed me. It was such fun.

I am so blessed to have such beautiful, charming and fun granddaughters.

March 22, 2005 Day 63

Breakfast was Orange Juice

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms

Dinner was Pesto stuffed mushrooms, rawviolies, and burger patty as meatballs

My granddaughters were here with me today and we made raw icecream with bananas and strawberries and kiwi and peaches. They absolutely loved it.

March 23, 2005 Day 64

Breakfast was Orange Juice
Snack was pesto stuffed mushrooms.
Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms.

Dinner was taco salad with barley burger patty as meat in taco salad, tomato, lettuce, salsa, olives and pizza wrap as the tortilla shell.
Snack was greek olives and orange juice.

March 24, 2005 Day 65
Breakfast was Orange Juice and a super yummy grapefruit.(one of my favorite fruits of all time, I could sit down and eat 5 of these guys.)
Lunch was salad and pesto stuffed mushrooms (yes, I have finally figured out that I am addicted to these little guys now.)Orange Juice, Burger and green olives.
Snack was more of those mushrooms.
Dinner was salad, brazil nuts and green olives and tea,
You can probably tell that I ran out of my wonderful greek olives, so I am trying to survive with the soaked green ones, which are still too salty for me.
I also am out of pesto stuffed mushrooms, so will have to pick some basil and mushrooms up tomorrow if I can find the time.
I am a Pro-- at a convention this weekend, basically, it means I get in free, and get to wear a pretty badge, that tells everyone I am special, and I get to sit on panels and act like I know everything, (of course, I always act like that)--I was told that confidence was NEVER going to be a problem for me when I was growing up.
LOL
Anyway, it is a lot of fun, and I get to meet some really famous people in my industry and beyond.
They have a "green room" just like TV shows do, where you can go and sit and eat and relax and have your every whim attended to, (if you are a pro). What luxury.
And they have a hospitality room, where you can go and sit and eat and relax and chat with lots of people if you care to.
They had lots of crackers and chips and dips and pop and coffee there.
I ate alot today, but I ate it at home before I went, so I went with a full raw tummy, then when I came home, I ate again, just to make sure, I wouldn't feel deprived by not eating all the food they had there.
They have a big breakfast to honor all of us pros on Saturday morning (I probably will not go, unless I can find out if they will have fresh fruit) and they have parties every night.
We walked into the party tonight, but I would rather be at home alone with my lover and in our hottub or sauna, it is one of our luxuries at home that we both love.
So, we just left.
Life is varying degrees of joy. I think, and I plan on attaining that joy with my beloved every moment of every day.
I am totally blessed to be in this relationship, it will be 3 years very soon.
He is the love of my life, and I totally deserve him, as I have kissed many a toad in my time, NOW I have finally found my handsome prince.
Bless him, my sweet wonderful Dragggon, who walks by my side every day, and carries my art wherever we go. And sits in the back of the room, smiling at me, and always telling me how wonderful I am, when I am speaking to the crowds.

March 25, 2005 Day 66
Breakfast was Orange Juice
Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms and burger with mustard, mayo and pickles green olive, greek olives, orange juice.
Snack was pesto stuffed mushrooms and orange juice.
Dinner was orange, grapes, peppers, carrots, celery, melon, cauliflower.
Snack Emmett's cream liquor (cooked), chips (cooked) salsa.

It was really strange, I didn't really want this cooked food, but for some weird reason, I took it.
It could be because it was free, but I've been taken out to dinner by clients and ordered salad. So, I think it was a "fit in" thing with the people I was with.
I was with several very famous artists, Michael Whelan, Steven Hickman, and Todd Lockman. Although Todd has been one of my dearest friends for over a year, I think I might have been intimidated by the other two, and so I took a drink.
And what is really interesting is I haven't had a drink in at least 2 years.
When I used to dance in the clubs and they gave us free drinks, and men would buy me drinks all night, I used to drink 2 to 3 drinks during a 6 hour period, and I thought that might be excessive, 3 times a week, so I decided to just stop drinking any alcohol.
It was 6 months, before I even thought of drinking, so I guess I'm not an alcoholic.
Well, I would have a drink on my birthday if someone bought me one, but I haven't bought a drink for years, and haven't wanted one.
Well, here I was with all these famous artists, and we were all invited back to Michael's suite for a party, so of course I went. Someone at a panel called him the "God of painters" I think most fantasy artists, and writers and fans think of him that way, I found out today he has illustrated over 400 bookcovers.
Steven Hickman was a fun guy, I must say we hit it off brilliantly. I think we will become good friends, like Todd and I have.
I invited them all out to my castle, and when they are all in town again, they are from the East coast, they will come out to see my place.
It is so interesting being a woman in a Man's world, and I am a feminist, but I am also able to see things as they really are.
But all of these guys accept me as I am, and that is sheer delight.
It took only a few minutes for us all to be laughing and joking with each other, and talking about the art directors we had worked with, and the things we are working on now.
I had such a good time.

March 26, 2005 Day 67
Breakfast orange juice, canteloupe, honeydew melon, green grapes, orange.
lunch was orange juice, orange, honeydew melon, green grapes, tea.
Dinner was chips, salsa, cheese sauce (cooked) peppers, carrotts, brazil nuts, apricot kernals, macademia nuts, pecans, pizza wraps. Tea
Snack black olives.
I woke up this morning with one of the worst headaches I have had in my life. I had a drink last night, and I know that was it.
One little shot of Emmets cream and I felt like I had gotten incredibly drunk.
Of course, I haven't even had one drink in years, so it really hit me. I also had some chips (cooked) yesterday and today, which were corn chips but I am sure they were loaded with salt. I didn't particularily like them, but I was pretty hungry.
I took a bunch of nuts today, hoping that it would be enough, but not so.
I also took my pizza wraps, but not enough.
I should have taken something more substancial, since I have to be there for about 12 hours straight, then come home and do my regular work, on my website and ebay, answering the emails took me 4 hours tonight.
I actually have an assistant who answers emails for me, but she doesn't work on weekends, so I have to answer them all at that time.
So, only one more day to go to the convention, I have made some good contacts, with a producer, who likes me, and wanted to do a reality show on my soulmate portraits, have me draw a person's soulmate, then see if they can find them--he thought it would sell.
Then I met a book publisher from England, Dragggon is my manager so he chatted with him about me doing some more book illustrations.
And of course, I met Michael Whelan, and Steve Hickman, I already knew Todd Lockwood, Damian Wilich and Mark Ferrari.
It is funny, I can feel "something" being orchestrated by the Universe at this moment, but I am not sure what yet. I has to do with all these famous artists that I am becoming friends with, it is weird enough meeting all of them, but actually talking and chatting and being friendly with them is something else. So, I am waiting with keen interest to see what manifests in my life around these guys.
They actually feel like I have known them in a past life, this also includes some other artists I know, Sam Wood, Rob Carlos, and Amy Brown, there is something there, and I think it was the later part of the 19 century in France, it just "feels" like it.
I wish I knew more about the artists that hung out with each other, so I could figure out who we used to be.
I always felt like I "knew" Tolouse La Trec somehow, as I felt a compasion for him that was really deep.
Sunday March 27, 2005 Day 68
Breakfast was Pineapple, canteloupe, green grapes, banana and Orange Juice.
Lunch was Strawberries, Canteloupe, Orange juice red pepper, yellow pepper, cauliflower.
Dinner was salad, potato (cooked) bar-b-que sauce, cheese, sour cream, butter.
I am not sure why I ate this, I was out with friends, and it was there, and I was so hungry. I think it was the feeling from eating yesterday cooked food, and here I was faced with it right in front of me, so I ate it. It tasted good
I ate way too much, and my stomache felt way too full. About an hour later I was feeling terrible.
March 28, 2005 Day 69
I didn't eat anything all day, except about 6 Brazil nuts.
I was up all night with terrible pains in my stomache, I got in the hot tub 6 different times just to feel better.
I will never eat this way again.

I am so glad that this happened, because it really proves what happens when you go raw then you eat cooked food.
It amazes me how terrible I felt. I have been 100% raw for 2 months, then drank one drink, then had a couple of chips, then a baked potato, see how this accelerated so quickly?
I am amazed at how I fell into this.
I used to think that cooked food was NOT addictive, and I really believed that it was just something that I needed to deal with, but I never really believed that it was addictive.
NOW, I see how addictive it is and how seductive.
This has been a truly wonderful experience, as now I have a new respect for all the people who are trying so hard to be raw.
I was feeling pretty pious that I was able to stay raw, and not really understanding those who didn't.

I want to appologize to anyone that I may have offended or discounted in any statements that I may have made about the ease in being raw.

March 29, 2005 Day 70

Breakfast was nothing, I wasn't hungry.

Lunch was green grapes, black olives and brazil nuts.

Dinner was Rawviolies with marinara sauce, burger and mushrooms.

I couldn't get any basil, so I couldn't make my pesto stuffed mushrooms that I love so much, so I decided to improvise.

I sliced some mushrooms and marinated them in olive oil and braggs liquid aminos, just to see if would taste good.

Well, it tasted really good, I ate about 4 bites, then decided to dehydrate them just to see how that worked.

WOW, it was amazing, they tasted better than the ones I used to saute' in butter, my hubby loved them too.

Boy, they were so very good.

I can't believe how good the food I ate today was, maybe it was because I didn't eat anything yesterday, or because I went off raw for a couple of days, or maybe everything I ate was really great.

I am thinking it is because everything I ate was soooooo good.

I love my recipes, and the way all the food goes together.

I mean what could be better than sauted mushrooms rawviolie with marinara sauce, and meatballs (burger patty), I mean it even sounds like it would be good together.

And as you can see by my post, I have finally gone to the store and got some more greek olives, I was out for a while, and even though the store is open 24 hours a day, the deli is only opened until 7PM, so I had to make a special trip to the special store, just for olives, I am so funny. I love being me.

The green grapes I bought today were unbelievably tasty and juicy.

The brazil nuts were super delicious and cruncy, and the olives were perfect.

It is funny how deleriously happy, finding some really good food can make me.
I wonder if anyone else is like that?
March 30, 2005 Day 71

Breakfast was tea

Lunch was Orange Juice

Snack was Orange Juice, black greek olives and Ice water.

Snack was more Orange Juice.

Dinner was salad, and stir fry. I took some cauliflower, red pepper, cabbage, mushrooms and I marinated it all in a little olive oil and braggs, then after I marinated them, I put them on a plate, real thin, then dehydrated them to get warm. Massively yummy.

Snack was more orange juice.

Well, I must say that not having the basil for my mushrooms has opened up a totally new world for me, with veggies and braggs and oil and the dehydrator.

I am so happy that that happened, everything happens for a reason, although at the time, I was quite frustrated about the whole basil thing.

And here I am happy that I couldn't find it.

Now isn't it interesting? The same thing happens, but it isn't what happens that makes the difference, it is what we DO with what happens that makes the difference.

It reminds me of a story, that I often use to help people understand that there is no good or bad.

It is in the Wild west, a man has one son, his son is breaking horses and the son falls off the horse and breaks his leg. Good or Bad?

The next day, a patrol comes to take all able bodied young men to fight the Indians (sorry, it should be native Americans) but can't because the son has a broken leg, and the father is too old? Good or Bad?

So, the patrol takes the horses that the farmer and his son were trying to break. Good or Bad?

The next day, rustlers come to the farm, and see no horses, so they leave? Good or Bad?

The farmer is concerned about his son's health, and his leg, so he can not ride to town to fetch the doctor because he has no horses, he can not take his son in a wagon because he has no horse, so he decides to walk the 10 miles to town. Good or Bad?

The farmer starts off walking to the town, and he comes across the patrol, who has been ambushed by the rustlers, and they have no horses. Good or Bad?

The farmer tells them of his concerns for his son, so the patrol's doctor decides to help out the farmer and walks back to the farm. Good or Bad?

Etc. this story goes on for pages and pages.

Each situation seems good or bad, but until you know what is coming next, you really can't make that determination.

Just like life.

March 31, 2005 Day 72

Breakfast was Orange Juice

Lunch was Orange Juice, veggie stir fry, cauliflower, red pepper, cabbage and mushrooms marinated in olive oil and braggs, and dehydrated, oh boy is that good.

Dinner was 4 sausage patties

Boy, do I love the stir fry thingy it is soooooo very good, but I am trying to have it just once a day, as I think I might like it way toooooo much.

Dragggon's art is going into the Gallery tomorrow, I already have some there.

Have been so busy lately, several commission pieces to do, and then a huge mural starting at the end of the month, will probably take at least an entire month to complete, and that is after I have it designed and drawn.

April 1, 2005 Day 73

Breakfast was Orange Juice.

Lunch was sausage patties

Snack was brazil nuts, greek olives and

Orange juice and cashew fudge.

Dinner was stir fry, cauliflower, cabbage, red pepper and mushroom with braggs and olive oil.

Delivered Dragggon's magick wands to the Gallery and some more of my prints. I already sold one print to the Gallery owner, she liked it so much she hung it in the front entrance hall of the Gallery.

April 2, 2005 Day 74

sicker than I've ever been in my life.

Terrible pains in my upper right rib area, I've had these pains 4 times before.

Once, when I was drinking a Latte' and all of a sudden, I got this horrible pain in my right upper lung area, I thought I was having a heart attack, but it was on the right side, my hubby conforted me and within about 2 minutes the pain subsided, and I was fine.

It happened again about 4 months later, same exact thing, drinking a latte' etc.

I thought about not drinking lattes' but I kept on, and it didn't happen again until January 18, 2005 the day before I went raw, as I had eaten some saltine crackers with butter, and I got this horrible pain, that lasted most of the night. The next day I went raw.

Then, last Monday I ate a baked potatoe with butter and sour cream, and it happened again.

At this time I got this psychic feeling of gallbladder, but I know nothing about the gallbladder, what it does, where it is, or what can go amiss with it. So, I just cataloged it in the back of my mind.

Then last night, I ate a stir fry, (raw) but it did have some olive oil on it, and I started feeling terrible immediately after eating it.

From midnight Friday night thorugh noon on Sunday, I was in rithing agony, worst pain in my life. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't lay down, I couldnt' sit up, I could almost sort of recline in my office chair and Dragggon held my feet in his lap and rubbed my feet, this gave me a little bit of relief.

I didn't eat anything, nor could I barely even think of drinking anything.

The pain was so severe, that I considered going to the hospital, except I knew there was nothing they could do. (how I knew this, is simply an inner knowingness)
sometime around 4 or 5 am I asked Dragggon to look up Gallbladder on the internet, and see if there might be some connection to my pain and the gallbladder, as my psychic intuition told me this, and it is always right.

My symptons were those of gallstones passing.

Once, I understood the specific stituation of what was happening. I could breath into it, and allow it to be what it was, and love it for what it was, a cleansing of my body, a cleaning of the old toxins in my body, of the gallstones that I had manifested in my body.

Although the pain was excrusiating, It had a specific purpose, and although I could barely stand it, I knew it woudl eventually pass, as the gallstones were passing.

I now know that I have been eating intuitively, I have been craving salt, and fresh fruits, and orange juice, all of which are recommended in this situation.

I have also been drinking vasts amounts of water.

I haven't been eating any oils or fats, no dairy or meat (of course) and the only oil I was eating was on that stir fry thingy.

I am so happy that I have experienced this, as now I know a very specific part of my body that needs love and healing.

Dragggon used his magick wands on my gallbladder and did a great deal of healing work for me.

I am so blessed to have gone through this experience.

Now I know what area to work on detoxing specifically.

April 3, 2005 Day 75

Breakfast was a few bites of cantaloupe, 1 strawberrie, and 1/4 grapefruit, with orange juice.

Lunch was a salad with tomatoes, olives and mushrooms, I ate about 1/4 of it.

Snack was 1 olive and 6 grapes and orange juice

Dinner was 2 sausage patties, nothing else.
Although I still feel terrible, I was able to get about 2 hours sleep, Dragggon rubbed my feet, which always relaxes me, and he helped me in and out of the hot tub and sauna, which helped a great deal to allow my muscles to relax.

I felt an massive desire to weigh myself and I have lost another 10 pounds, I hadn't weighed myself in several weeks because I had hit a 30 pound weight loss and no more was lost, so I just didn't weigh myself for fear I might get discouraged.

Funny, how this weight loss made me feel emotionally like all this pain had some "reason", or "purpose".

I do know that the pain is allowing toxins to pass through my body, and that now I will not eat any kind of oils or fats unless absolutely necessary.

I have a deep respect for people who loose a lot of weght fast, as my body is still trying to catch up with it's true size.

My skin feels too big for my body, I have seen this in people, and never understood how it actually happened.

My body looks smaller, but it's like my muscles and fat and skin are all on different dimensions, or plains of exsistance, as they do not move together, and don't seem to be connected.

I touch my arm or leg, and I can feel the skin separate from the fat layer, and that is separate from the muscle tissue, kind of like my skin is in layers, like an onion, and it is all separated between the layers.

It feels odd, as when I walk, I feel like my skin will just fall off my bones if I'm not careful to keep it attached.

My friends are saying I look alot thinner now, and that my face is showing it. i feel alot thinner and know my clothes are hanging on me.

I will have to try to find some old clothes that used to fit me, so I will have something to wear.

That is something I didn't really think alot about when I went raw, was having to find clothes.

I'm not sure I actually believed that I would really loose the weight, I think I thought that other people could loose weight, just not me.
And here I am 40 pounds thinner than only 74 days ago.

What a difference.

My insides ache, I am not sure if I will ever feel well again, although I certainly hope I will, my appetite has come back, and I am actually able to keep food down.

I hope I feel better tomorrow. Life is too short to feel miserable.

I will do my best to meditate tomorrow, on what I need to learn from this experience.

April 4, 2005 Day 76

Breakfast was orange juice.

Lunch was a baby banana.

Dinner was 2 pesto stuffed mushrooms, green grapes and orange juice.

Well, you can see that I found my basil, and I made pesto stuffed mushrooms, they are soooooo good.

Went to the store and was really craving some taco bell tostadas, haven't wanted them in such a long time, so I am thinking that this detox gallbladder thing may have brought up some unfinished food cravings from the past, or something like that.

Or it could be that it was a comfort food for me in the past, and I was feeling pretty badly emotionally and physically, not sure which it was, but I didn't succumb to it. Although I THOUGHT about it--haha.

Worked pretty hard today, in the office, I was so sick for a couple of days, that I didn't get anything done, and there is so much stuff that Dragggon just can't do, all the magick spells and rituals, the ceremonies, and answering all the questions people ask on ebay, and the website, I suppose I will need to fill him in on what to do if this ever happens again.

It's not that it is hard or difficult, it is just that there is so much of it, and keeping everyone straight, with their ebay name, their paypal name, their email name, their real name, the spell they want to buy, or have purchased, the ones they are simply asking about, the ones their friend bought, etc. Just alot to keep track of, it's a wonder, I can keep it straight as well as I do. (Virgo rising will do it every time)

I am (obviously-because I am talking about business) feeling much better. I am still having a great deal of pain, but I can at least sit up, and do work on the computer, and walk around upright, like a human, and I can actually think about eating some food, and laughing and joking and all the wonderful fun human being things that I love so much. And I was only in the hot tub once today.

But my insides still feel like I ate a few steak knives for lunch, and they are trying to digest. Such an odd feeling, can't get away from it.

I don't usually manifest pain in my body, I used to manifest headaches, which I could usually meditate away, or hot tub away, or ice pack away. But this won't go away, I can't move, or stretch, or anything to make it lessen. It is simply there.

I meditated today, and didn't receive any clear answers, other than I need to eat more simply.

I thought orange juice, banana, grapes cantaloupe was pretty simple. But maybe I need to just drink juice, or eat one type of fruit. I have really been wanting cantaloup and grapefruit, so maybe I will just eat that for a day or so.

Still feel very week, and in a lot of pain, hope this will end shortly, as I have too much to do to manifest an illness that takes up alot of my time.

So, I will keep up the wonderfully good work of eating raw, cleansing, detoxing and doing my best to learn through my experiences.

As I always say, "You are either learning or having fun, so if you AREN'T having fun, learn fast."

Wow, no truer words ever spoken.

April 5, 2005 Day 77

Breakfast was orange juice, strawberry, cantaloupe.

Lunch was taco salad, lettuce, tomato, onion, burger patty, mexican seasonings, cumin, (Allisa's meatloaf) salsa, sour cream
Snack was greek olives and orange juice.
Dinner was pesto stuffed mushrooms, sausage patty, black olives.

Still feel like I swallowed steak knives, but do feel generally better. Did a mass amount of work today, got a class coming up on Saturday, always fun to prepare for a class.

Have several art projects that I need to start.

Took a bunch of Dragggon's wands to the art gallery, and many of my prints, I think the gallery has at least one of each of my prints now. Beautiful display.

Still feel week, but know I am healing.

I feel that if I keep away from cooked, and fats that I won't have these major pains again.

Am hoping that the steak knives will go away soon.

April 6, 2005 Day 78

Breakfast was Orange Juice

Lunch was black olives, strawberries and Orange Juice.

Dinner was sausage and pesto stuffed musrooms.

Snack was fudge.

Steak knife feeling is going away, it could be some gallstones passing through my intestines, (the books say that anyway.)

Or, it could just be that my muscles were so overworked that they are just tired, and healing.

Whatever the case, I do feel much better.
Haven't wanted any kind of gourmet type foods lately, have been really wanting fruits, with a simple dinner, sausage patty, or tacos, which is really salad with a burger patty tossed on top.

But, I must say that I had never considered how much fat I was eating, as the last few days, I thought about eating a hand full of nuts, and I decided to only eat 2. I was going to make saute'd mushrooms, but decided against it, and ate cantaloupe instead.

I was going to eat some burger patties, but ate the sausage instead (alot less oil in them).

Was going to have corn chowder, but opted to eat grapes instead because the corn chowder has a lot of almond milk in it, and it is heavy in fats.

So, my diet is changing drastically, yet once again.

I will see what happens.

I feel better physically, although I still feel like "something" isn't right inside.

And I don't seem to be able to get the answers through meditation, so will just allow the answers to come to me as I allow myself to continue to learn.

And although I have been manifesting illness, and pain in my body these last few days, I am still super thankful for this opportunity to learn, and change and evolve. To detox, to releases and to pass, all of the things that my body, mind and spirit no longer needs, desires, or wishes.

April 7, 2005 Day 79

Breakfast was tea and Orange Juice.

Lunch was greek olives, orange juice, banana and strawberries.

Dinner was sausage, rawviolies with marinara and pesto stuffed mushrooms.

I am learning so many different things from this raw lifestyle.

First, just being raw doesn't actually change anything about me. But the CHOICE to be raw has changed me.

Being the kind of person who would CHOOSE to be healthier changes me.

Being the kind of person who would CHOOSE to alter my lifestyle in turn alters my entire life.
I have been thinking about what is important to me in my life, and the experience of it is important. The being, the doing the process of living each day.

I used to think that the goals were important, that achieving goals, obtaining items, owning things was important.

But it actually is the process of the doing of it that is exciting and fulfillling.

I suppose the old saying, "Life is a journey, not a destination." makes sense now.

So, I will continue with my learning and not worry about my diploma.

April 8, 2005 Day 80

Breakfast was tea and orange juice.

Lunch was black olives and orange juice

Dinner was taco salad, lettuce, tomatoes, burger pattie, sour cream, salsa and mexican seasonings.

Snack was walnut date truffles, and black olives.

April 9, 2005 Day 81

Breakfast was tea and walnut date truffles.

Snack was cantaloupe,

Lunch was taco salad, lettuce, burger patty, olives, sour cream, salsa and mexican seasonings.

Dinner was sausage patties.

April 10, 2005 Day 82

Breakfast was tea.

Lunch was grape fruit.

Dinner was pesto stuffed mushrooms and corn chowder.

Snack was olives and orange juice.

Snack was chocolate truffles.
April 11, 2005 Day 83

Breakfast was tea.

Lunch was mixed veggies stir fry, sooooo good, broccoli, carrot, bean sprouts, cauliflower, mushrooms, and a wonderful teriyaki type sauce.

Snack was ice cream, with chocolate sauce.

Dinner was real toast with american cheese, chocolate truffles.

April 12, 2005 Day 84

Breakfast was tea.

Lunch was Raviolies with marinara sauce, ministroni soup, and breadstix.

Dinner was sausage patties.

I am writing a few new un-cook books so am trying alot of new recipes.

Since the un-cook books I write are menu cookbooks, each one has a full menu to prepare, I try to make the recipes tasty, fun, easy to make, joyous, and compliment each other.

So, you will see alot of new recipes in my posts coming up.

April 13, 2005 Day 85

Breakfast was tea

Lunch was 1/2 grapefruit

Snack was black olives

Dinner was burritos: wraps, with lettuce, tomato, sour cream, hot salsa, burger patty, mexican seasoning, onions.

Working on getting a really good burrito wrap that is more like the flour kind. I love the pizza wraps in Alissa's book, but I want something with less flavor, so am trying with sprouted grains, and some seasonings, and a little water.

I truly strive to make raw food, that has the same taste and texture of cooked food.
So, many recipes either look like cooked food, but taste nothing like them, or they taste ok, but have a weird texture.

I can make a cinnabon milkshake, which tastes marvelous, but I can't seem to make a cinnamon roll that tastes the same. I can make lasagna that really mimics the cooked kind, and I make tostadas pretty good too.
My creme brule' is magnificent, and my baklava is to live for.

I also make a fantastic Bar-b-qued meatloaf and a great shish-kabob.

So, I keep trying new and interesting ideas, as there always seems to be one person who is looking for the one recipe I don't have.

But to keep my cutomers happy, I will keep working on the new cookbooks.

The biggest challenge, although nice, is that I have sold out of all of my un-cook books, and am still waiting for the second printing from the printers, it was supposed to be here, at the end of March, but perfection takes time, or so they say.

April 14, 2005 Day 86

Breakfast was tea

Lunch was Grapefruit

Dinner was black olives, orange juice, brazil nuts and macaroni and cheese (cooked)

I don't know why I ate this, but it was there, I was tired, and I ate it.

It is a marvelous learning experience for me, to see that I can be raw for such a long time, and then eat something cooked for no apparant reason.

I mean I'm sure there was a reason, but what exactly I don't know.

April 15, 2005 Day 87

Breakfast was orange juice

Lunch was grapefruit.

Dinner was sausage, black olives, and mac and cheese AGAIN!!!--I FEEL LIKE I AM OBSESSED HERE.

OKAY. I need to release the cooked food and attain the lesson here.

I think it might be that my son is here with a friend, they are staying here while they are working for some friends of mine, and they are eating cooked every night.

Sometimes I make it for them, other times they just grab something on the run.
I love having my son here, but I am wonderin if I am sabotaging myself somehow.
I am also not comfortable in my own body right now.

So, let's take a look at this. I was 100% raw for 2 months, until I went out on my birthday and then I ate a baked potato. Then I was raw until I had a drink at a convention, and a couple handful of chips that I don't even like.

Then I ate some mac and cheese. It seems like once the door was opened, that a little more cooked kept filtering in, bit by bit. Not all in one day even, not all at one time, or even in one week, but just a bit here and a bit there and a bit here.

So. Now I can realize that I am not perfect in eating 100% raw all the time, but I am a perfect me as I am learning how to pick myself back up and continue on my raw path, although I have faultered off of it.

I am still a raw foodist who has chosen to eat some cooked food. This is the major difference than when I tried to go raw before, as then I was a cooked foodist, trying to eat raw. and I kept going back to cooked again and again.

Now, I keep going back to raw, so that feels nice. It feels like where I really want to be.
So, tomorrow, I will eat whatever I choose, and I will choose raw.

If I have some cravings, I will be prepared with plenty of good raw food in the freezer and fridge, and know that it is okay to feel the cravings, and not sucumb to them.
I have massive support with my hubby who allows me to be who I am and eat what I choose, with never any judgements on his part.

I am sure it must be difficult for him to see me eating cooked, then raw, then cooked, and knowing how I choose to be committed to raw.
So, tomorrow is another day, and I will make better choices.

April 16, 2005 Day 88

I am writing early in the day, because I want to make sure I get all of this down perfectly, and I will edit later.

Breakfast was tea.

I am starting some old habits here of not eating early, and then being starved later, so this is a red flag for me.

Dragggon and I went into town, we were going to go for coffee, (used to be a major addiction for me) now, I just get herb tea, but we decide to go out to lunch instead.

We went to one our favorite small town diners, and I used to get garden burger and onion rings (cooked), and I actually thought about it, I haven't eaten this stuff in 3 months, but I ordered a large salad and ate it, I kept thinking of the onion rings, but I decided "IF" I really wanted them, I could come back in tomorrow and eat them then (this small town diner is 1 hour away from our home--we live way out in the country)

Lunch was green salad, tomatoes, mushrooms, olives, green onions and tea.
I am still having some wheat cravings, and thought about eating something cooked, but decide to have some of my favorite raw snacks instead.

Snack was greek olives and pesto stuffed mushrooms.

I am going to prepare some rawviolies with marinara sauce, and a barly burger patty, and some cashew fudge and some corn chowder, and whatever else I can think of, so I will have plenty of raw food, to help me through this time of challenge.

I am also going to write down all the wonderful things that I love about being raw.

1. I've lost 40 lbs so far

2. I feel wonderful

3. I wake up each morning with no pain

4. I wake up with a fresh tasting mouth

5. I sleep through the night

6. I can walk without limping, as my feet don't hurt anymore.

7. I can get in and out of the hot tub with ease

8. I can get up and down my stairs easily

9. I can weed my garden, and not hurt

10. I can play roughhouse with my dog and get on the floor with him and run with him

11. I have more stamina in everything I do

12. I can walk all over the place, and not get too tired

13. I can read without my glasses

14. I feel a wonderful feeling of accomplishment

15. I have no sinus drainage, or allergy symptoms

16. I have no headaches, used to be almost every day

17. Food tastes better

18. I don't crave food when I am 100% raw.

19. I can eat anything I choose to eat, where before I was always, dieting, or depriving myself of something.

20. I enjoy eating all kinds of fruits and veggies that I've never tried before.

21. I've met lots of wonderful new friends on this board

22. I've opened myself up to being healthy in all aspects of my life

23. I've noticed that cold weather doesn't bother me as much as it used to.

24. I've noticed that I am more inclined to desire sex with my mate, as I feel and look so much better than before I went raw.

25. I like to dress up more often, as I feel I look better.

26. I have more confidence in my choices (although this wasn't ever a big challenge, it was there--albeit hidden)

27. My blood preasure is now normal Whew!

28. My resting pulse rate is now normal

29. I feel this is the most natural way to eat

30. I feel like I am being good to myself, and I deserve it.

I did have dinner, and I make a tostada, smallish pizza wrap, with a barley burger patty, lettuce, tomatoe, onion, hot salsa, and sour cream, it was deliciously wonderful

April 17, 2005 Day 89

Breakfast was tea and banana.

Lunch was Grapefruit, brazil nuts and greek olives.

Snack was olives and brazil nuts.

Dinner was Tostada, pizza wrap, barley burger patty, onion, lettuce, tomatoe, sour cream and hot salsa. Gosh these are good.

Snack was truffles, and orange juice.

April 18, 2005 Day 90

WOW, I MADE IT 90 WHOLE DAYS.

I did have a couple of slip ups, but I am telling you, I feel absolutely jazzed about this.

Breakfast was orange juice and banana.

Lunch was tea.

Dinner was pesto stuffed mushrooms, and olives.

I've gotta say that I feel so wonderful that I can hardly believe it.

This is a way of life for me, not some "diet" that I will be "doing", this is who I am, and actually, I don't really have to put alot of time and energy into it, or at least not any more than I would for any other kind of eating.
I do love to plant and tend the garden, although Dragggon really is the master at that.
I do love to prepare food and try all kinds of recipes, and raw allows for that, I do love to look through recipe books and read, and raw allows for that.

And I do love to eat, and raw allows for that.
So, I can't think of anything I would rather be doing right now, than eating the most wonderful, natural and best tasting food in the world.

Thanks to all of you for all of your support, I certainly couldn't have done this without ALL of you.

April 19, 2005 Day 91

Breakfast was orange juice and banana

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms

Dinner was

spanish almonds,

corn bread with honey

pesto stuffed mushrooms

yam chips

corn chowder

taco salad (barley burger patty, lettuce, sour crea salsa corn tortilla shell)

enchilada

sour cream

salsa

onion

Snack was olives, orange juice and corn chowder.

April 20, 2005 Day 92

Well, had a marvelous raw day,

Breakfast was orange juice and banana

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms and greek olives

Snack was orange juice and brazil nuts, while sitting on the deck by the lake, in the sunshine, without glasses, reading Rainbow Green Live food Cuisine, and talking to a raw friend of mine, it was bliss.

Dinner was tostada, pizza wrap, barley burger patty, salsa, hot sauce (different than salsa) sour cream, tomatoes, onions, lettuce, massively yummy.

I love eating raw food, it is so very tasty and fun to prepare, and easy to clean up after.
I love not having any pots and pans to clean up, and when I do wash dishes, I just rinse them off, unless I've used olive oil, then I need some honey, but basically everything just rinses clean.

April 21, 2005 Day 93

Breakfast was orange juice and banana.

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms, orange juice and greek olives.

Snack was brazil nuts

Dinner was mac & cheese and orange juice.

I was really hungry today, as we poured cement for the floor of our High Priestess temple on the lake. We still have more to do, but it's getting there.

Raw feast scheduled for tomorrow, for more raw-curious friends.

That is alwasy such fun.

I have alot of stuff already made in the freezer, so all I have to do is a few things, but I still will end up preparing food all day, if I know me and Dragggon, he is the desert king.

April 22, 2005 Day 94
Breakfast was orange juice,
Snack was orange juice

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms, grapes, olives, orange juice

Dinner was a mexican raw feast
mushrooms,
corn bread with honey
creamy corn chowder
taco salad, barly burger patty, lettuce, tomatoes, pico de gallo, sour cream, onions,
flax crackers,
enchiladas
there was more, but I didn't eat it.

I was so full after eating dinner.

My friends loved the food, and took some home.

Although they eat cooked food and meat, they don't eat junk food.

So, they have asked me to come and chef for them sometimes, RAW of course.

Oh, and I sold one of my paintings that was in the foyer, ready to go to the gallery next week, my friend saw it, and bought it on sight, it was a gorgeous angel.

April 23, 2005 Day 95

Breakfast was tea

Lunch was toasted cheese sandwhich (trying to make this raw, and it's kind of working--will keep working on it)

Dinner was greek olives.

April 24, 2005 Day 96

Breakfast was tea

Lunch was taco.

Snack was greek olives, and orange juice.

Dinner was potato, olives and cookie.

April 25, 2005 Day 97

Breakfast was tea

Lunch was apple with nut butter.

Dinner was burger and apple with nut butter.

April 26, 2005 Day 98

Breakfast was tea

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms

Dinner was burger and chocolate truffles.

April 27, 2005 Day 99

Breakfast was tea.

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms, greek olives and orange juice.

How interesting that I chose to eat cooked for dinner after being raw for so long.

Dinner was grilled cheese sandwich (cooked) (spelt bread and tofu cheese), baked potato (cooked) butter and sour cream (cooked) and chocloate (cooked)
I have the feeling that there is a time when once you go raw, or quit smoking or detach from any addictive activity, that you somehow justify trying the activity again, either because of supposed stress or challenge, or even manifesting some kind of issue in your life.

This I think has been happening in my life.

I have chosen to react to certain stimulations in my life recently that are a perfect excuse for me to go off raw.

There have been times that I have done this, and looking back in retrospect, I can see, that each one was a choice, to go off raw, or to stay raw.
Sometimes I stayed raw, sometimes I didn't.

But each time, I had a wonderful excuse. Not a reason, just an excuse.

It is interesting to observe my inner dialogue as I go through this, my addiction says, "But you deserve this, you can eat just a little, you need to relax, and rest, you need to eat what is familiar, you should eat what you like, everyone else does it, you don't have to be so fanatical." As I sit back and listen to my inner dialogue, whether I've listened to it or not, I can see a pattern emerging. A pattern of going 2 months, then eating cooked food, then going a week and eating cooked food, then another week, now it is about once a week that I am extremely tempted to eat cooked food.

I don't know exactly why it is about 7 days, but I do know that coffee takes aproximately 4 days to get out of the system, and wheat takes about 3 days, dairy takes about 7 days, cigarettes about 7 days, etc. Several things take a few days, so in observing the inner thoughts, I can see that I have eaten some cooked food, then within a week or so, I feel very tempted to eat more cooked food, and when I do the cycle continues.

The biggest challenge is that each time it gets harder to release the cooked food and eat raw again, and also I find myself lying to myself about how much I ate, or how often, or even when.

Instead of writing down what I ate during the day, I wait till the end of the day to write down what I ate, and it is easy to forget what I really did eat.

So, looking at this cycle helps me to understand what can happen to anyone who is working through their stuff, cigarettes, cooked food, alcohol, sex, gambling any addiction that someone might have.

Each person has at least one thing, that they are here to work with, and I am here to work on this at this moment in time, as I have given up cigarettes, alcohol, meat, dairy, wheat, sugar, and I've never done drugs, or gambling or anything along those lines.

I think I am one of the lucky ones, as I am able to look at myself, and observe what I am doing.

Now, the fun part, to stop the addictive behavior, and learn from it, instead of beating myself up about it.

I can also see a pattern of being uncomfortable with my raw friends when I am eating anything non-raw, and allowing myself to feel guilty for not being perfect in this instance.

I will practice the most difficult undertaking of all -- forgiveness of self, as all forgiveness is self forgiveness, and see if I can be more loving to my own human-ness.

I am on my period, and although this may have some bearing on my cravings, or wanting to feel more pampered and nurtured, eating cooked food in no way makes me feel pampered or nurtured. As when I do eat cooked food, it is always a dissapointment after eating raw. I always expect the cooked food to taste alot better than it actually does.

Hum--Well, one more thing to think about. Not dwell on, just to accept as something I can work on, when I feel I am ready.

And obviously Spirit thinks I'm ready, as it is now in my face, and looking back at me.

So, I don't know if I am having issues and challenges in my life, because I wanted to eat cooked, or because I did eat cooked. Which came first the cooked food or the challenge?

Also, when I go back to 100% raw, will the challenge magickally dissapear? I would think so.

Or at least my attachment to the challenge will dissapear, as my guilt and emotions will not be so fragile at that moment in time.

So, as I would say to anyone in this situation, "Love yourself enough to forgive yourself, then get right back on your path of eating raw and living foods -- when it is right for you. You will know it."

April 28, 2005 Day 100

Breakfast was tea

Lunch was burger patty with hot sauce,
snack was 1 slice of spelt bread (cooked)

Dinner was burger patty with hot sauce, and salad, and pesto stuffed mushrooms chocolate truffles, with nuts.

April 29, 2005 Day 101

Breakfast was tea

Lunch was 2 soft tacos consisting of flour tortilla (cooked) lettuce, tomatoes, cheese (cooked) and sour cream (dairy), pintos and cheese (cooked) with hot sauce, and 1 drink of Pepsi, which tasted terrible, so I drank water (my favorite drink)

Dinner was corn chips (cooked) and salsa (cooked) and sour cream (dairy)

April 30, 2005 Day 102

Breakfast was tea

Dinner was stir fried veggies and tofu, and spring rolls with hot mustard (all cooked)

Snack was corn chips, salsa and sour cream (all cooked)

OK, so we can see that I have completely lost my mind, and that I in no way resemble a raw foodist at this point.

So, what exactly is going on?

As I sit here in my beautiful art studio, typing away, I have a restlessness that comes when one is satisfied with so many things in their life.

This restelessness is kind of like a vibrating energy that I feel needs to be chanelled in a specific direction to be productive.

I know this about myself, I love a challenge, I love creating, I love doing things that are hard for others to do.

I also know that in the past (as I look back) I would do this in relationships. I would manifest a new lover in my life, then after about 2 months (hum--just realized this is also the same time frame I did with raw--we may be onto something here) I would sabotage the relationship with whomever this guy was, and then either have all of this wonderful drama and pain, and fear and tears, or it would end, and I would go on to greener pastures in search of "my REAL true love".

Well, since I am with Dragggon, this isn't possible.

So, maybe I am doing this with food.

I've done it with jobs, lovers, even a couple of marriages. HUM----??? now maybe with raw food?

Okay, so this may be something that is really a marvelous breakthrough for me, how exciting!!!!! yippee

So, I was eating raw food, with no cheats for 2 months, then it was my birthday, and for some unknown reason, I chose to eat a baked potatoe with sour cream and butter, okay, that was fine. Then a week later, I did the same thing, another baked potatoe. Then a drink, then chips, then it never ended.

So, what am I doing? sabotaging my raw lifestyle, because I don't know how to be thinner and healthier? Sabotaging my health, because Dragggon takes such tender loving care of me, when I eat cooked and don't feel good? Do I just want that attention?

Am I bringinb back the feeling of familiarity with the cooked food, because it reminds me of my mom? - no emotional response to that, so probably not.

Wanting to be the drama queen, feels right, and also wanting attention, feels right, although Dragggon gives me plenty of attention, but there is an emotional response there, so I must be onto something.

I don't know if it is exactly one thing, I feel like there is more here.

So, let's see, exactly what do I want? I want to be known for being special, better (boy what a word, as if there IS a better than anyone else-humph), accomplishing something, (hummmmm?) achieving.

Okay, so here you go, I must somehow be feeling "less than" what, or whom and why?
And how is eating cooked food helping? Now that is a good question.

I suppose if I didn't have the challenge, and it was all so easy, then there would be nothing to "get over" to strive for, to "overcome". HUH? well, I suppose that could be a thought process I could choose to release NOW!! lol

I am so funny, and so human. I love being me.

Okay, so now that I have an issue to overcome, of eating cooked foods, do I choose to go back to 100% raw? I mean have I disjointed my raw eating enough to "feel" like I was out of control enough to choose to re-commit yet?

Have I given myself enough punishment, or pain in my body YET?

Have I given myself enough challenges YET?

Sometimes, I think that my life is so perfect, that I have more than my share, or that I don't have it hard enough, or that It is too easy for me, compared to others.

I do spell casting for many people, and their lives seem so difficult, yet if I looked at all the challenges in my life as I was growing up, I suppose mine could be looked at that way.

I guess I look at the challenges in my life as learning experiences, instead of problems.

So, this can be another wonderful learning experience, that I can choose to "overcome" and learn from, or I can simply give up (not really in my vocabulary) and just sit back and regress.

I was reading someones post the other day, where she said something she read on this forum made her want to eat cooked, and I thought, "what a cop out." we all have choices, each and every second of each and every day.

Whether you are a hero or a zero is based on your moment to moment choices. Your gut instincts, your ab-reactions. What you are REALLY made of.

So, I choose to get back up on that raw horse, and ride baby ride.

My choice, this second, this minute, this hour, this day, this life, is to live life with PASSION, and pleasure, and pizzazz! Watch me sizzle. pppppsssssssssssssstttttttt!

May 1, 2005 Day 103

Breakfast was tea

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms

Dinner was nothing, was not hungry.

May 2, 2005 Day 104

Breakfast was orange juice

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms

Dinner was burger with mayo, mustard, pickles, and bun.

May 3, 2005 Day 105

Breakfast was orange juice

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms

Dinner was tostada, pizza wrap, with taco burger, and lettuce, tomato, sour cream and pico de gallo, and salsa, pesto stuffed mushrooms, dessert was truffles.

May 4, 2005 Day 106

Breakfast was orange juice and tea

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms

Snack was truffles.

Dinner was tostada, pizza wrap, with burger patty, lettuce, tomato, sour cream and hot sauce, truffles for dessert.

Sometimes it seems easier to simply eat the same thing day after day.

I wear the same clothes day after day. What I mean is I have many black turtleneck shirts, and many black leggings, and I just wear the same thing every day, because I hate to spend thought energy on thinking of what to wear each day.

So, although I love making food, I prefere to eat the same thing day after day. It is just easier, for me, and allows me to concentrate on the creative things I so cherish, like writing raw un-cook books, and real estate investing books, and drawing and painting, and the like.

So, exactly why raw food? It must be because it is the natural way to eat, and the healthiest.

So why didn't I find out about it earlier in life? I was raised on Calories don't count, eating allmost nothing except meat, and cheese and dairy. No fruits, or veggies, except canned green beans. Funny, I haven't even had canned green beans in years, and I can still remember the taste. I used to eat them straight from the can, no heat, no salt, no butter, just out of the can, like candy or something.

When I was young I loved so many different types of foods than I eat now, chicken noodle soup, tuna sandwiches, fish sticks, mock chicken legs, chicken drumsticks steamed--haha, loads of ketchup, our only condiment in the entire house, steak, pork steak, lamb chops, milk, and cheese, and scrambled eggs, omelets.

What I think is so funny right now, is none of this food, even sounds like food to me, and none of it, "feels" good to me when I think of it.
I think it is because I have associated with the raw food that I am eating.

Like orange juice, and greek olives, and pizza wraps, and barley burger patties, and truffles, and creamy corn chowder, and pesto stuffed mushrooms.

Now I think of these as comfort foods.

We were coming home tonight from the psychic showcase, where we sell out crystal balls, magick wands, jewelry, etc, and I was hungry, Draggon asked me what I wanted to eat, which means he will take me out to eat, or whatever I want.

I thought about it, I thought about Taco bell bean burrito, or soft shell taco, with no meat, or french fries, and nothing sounded good.
I thought about barley burger patty with a pizza wrap and making it into a tostada, and that sounded good.

Now, I know I have come to a point in my life where things are getting easier, as I actually like raw food better than the cooked counterparts.

How very interesting, I never thought this would happen.

I am so happy that I am here, today, on this planet, in this body, doing this work, and with these people, animals, and beings.

May 5, 2005 Day 107

Breakfast was tea

Snack was orange juice

Lunch was corn chowder

Dinner was pesto stuffed mushrooms and truffles.

May 6, 2005 Day 108

Breakfast was Tea

Lunch was orange juice

Snack was 2 chocolate chip cookies (cooked)

Dinner was pesto stuffed mushrooms, black olives, Orange juice.

May 7, 2005 Day 109

Breakfast was tea and grapefruit

Lunch was salad

Dinner was cabbage, carrot, brocolli steamed, and yam, butternut squash, brocolli, tempurah, miso soup, and rice. (all cooked)
Snack was chocolate, corn chips, sour cream and salsa (cooked)

May 8, 2005 Day 110

Breakfast was tea

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms

Dinner was burger

May 9, 2005 Day 111

Breakfast was orange juice

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms

Dinner was creamy corn chowder

Snack was macaroni and cheese (cooked) (I'm doin' it again)

Ate wheat a couple of days ago, and the second and third day off of it, the cravings really get to me.

Will have to just white knuckle it through, as I MUST get off this wheat thing again.

May 10. 2005 Day 112

Breakfast was orange juice

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms

Snack was truffles.

Dinner was tostada, pizza wrap, burger patty, lettuce, tomato, sour cream, hot salsa and onion.

Snack was baked potato, butter and sour cream.(cooked)

May 11, 2005 Day 113

Breakfast was tea

Lunch was olives,

Dinner was taco, wrap, beans, lettuce, tomato, sour cream hot salsa

Snack olives, orange jucie, brazil nuts truffles.
7
May 12, 2005 Day 114

Breakfast was tea

Snack was orange juice

Lunch was stir fried veggies, spring rolls, crab cakes, fried rice, (all raw from my Raw Emperor's Feast un-cook book)

Snack was chocolate cake, hot tea (all Raw fom my Desserts un-cook book)

Dinner was Bar-B-Que chicken, (from my Raw American Family Feast un-cook book), super yummy.

Snack, was zucchini boats (raw snacks un-cook book)

May 13, 2005 Day 115

Breakfast was Scrambled eggs and sausage (RAW Breakfasts un-cook book)

Snack was Apple pie with almost whipped cream topping (raw American feast un-cook book)

Lunch was grilled cheese sandwich (working on this one, it's not perfect yet)

Dinner was Bar-B-Que Meatloaf (Raw American Family Feast un-cook book)

Snack was popcorn (Raw snacks) YUMMY!! and crunchy

May 14, 2005 Day 116

Breakfast was Scrambled eggs and cheese (my raw breakfast book)

Snack was stuffed zucchini (my raw Italian book)

Lunch was Herb Pizza (my Italian book)

Snack was fudge (my raw candy book)

Dinner was Roast Beast with gravy (my Raw medieval King's feast book)

Snack was fudge (yummy)

May 15, 2005 Day 117

Breakfast was Breakfast burrito with sausage and cheese (my raw breakfast book)

Snack was macaroons (my raw desserts book)

Lunch was Spinach salad with cilantro/mustard dressing (my book)

Snack was popcoarn (my snack book)

Dinner was Crab cakes with cramy lemon sauce (my book)

Snack was popcorn (my snack book)

May 15, 2005 Day 118

Breakfast was Cheese Omelet (my raw breakfast cookbook)

Snack was brownies (my raw desserts book)

Lunch was Toasted cheese sandwich (RAW, I have perfected this now.)

Snack was chocolate baklava

Dinner was Bar-B-Que chicken (my raw cook books)

Snack was popcorn with butter (yummy AND raw in snacks cook book)

May 16, 2005 Day 119

Breakfast was Spinach Quiche (in my breakfast raw un-cook book)

Snack was pineapple cream with strawberries (my raw un-cook books)

Lunch was Tuna Salad Sandwich (my raw un-cook books)

Snack was Hot fudge sundae (my raw un-cook books)

Dinner was pretzels, honey mustard, and hot dogs (my raw un-cook books)

Snack was banana split (my raw un-cook books)

May 18, 2005 Day 120

Breakfast Breakfast Burrito with Pecan

Sausage and American cheese (my raw breakfast un-cook book)

Snack macaroons

Lunch large salad with cilantro/mustard dressing

Snack fudge brownies

Dinner Black bird baked in a pie (my raw medieval kings' feast un-cook book)

I'm having so much fun with these recipes in my un-cook books. I just love making them.

Snack popcorn

May 19. 2005 Day 121

Breakfast Waffles, with butter and Exploding Raspberry jam (YES, this is so delightfully decadantly rich and delicious) from my (raw breakfast un-cook book)

Snack cinnamon swirl rolls with frosting

Lunch was Sir fried rice with crab cakes and creamy lemon sauce (from my raw un-cook books)

Snack was pecan rolls

Lunch was creamy asparagus pottage, and deluxe pizza supreme with banana split for desert

Dinner was cotton candy

Snack was hot fudge sundae

It's hard to believe this is all raw, and vegan, but it is. I'm so surprised at how marvelous these recipes are.

It's so much fun to make them. I've invited several friends over to taste them and they love them, all of my Raw-curious friends.
They end up wanting me to un-cook for them all the time.

I really do like creating all the recipes and letting other try them, it is so fun to see their faces when I serve them banana split and they find out it's all raw, and nuts and fruits, and no dairy, or hot fudge sundae.

It's also really fun not telling them it's raw, until they ask for my recipes.

They say the food is so good, that they want the recipes, and when I tell them, they actually don't believe me.

May 20, 2005 Day 122

Breakfast was waffles with strawberries and whipped cream (in my breakfast un-cook book)

Snack was pineapple cream on strawberries (raw)

Lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms with cream of asparagus pottage (raw)

Snack was orange juice, olive and tomatoes on crackers, and strawberries and cream smoothie

Dinner was Quiche, strawberry ice cream, hot cocoa (raw)

Snack was popcorn, with butter and banana split (raw)

May 21, 2005 Day 123

Breakfast was sausage and cheese omelet with toast and butter and exploding raspberry jam, with HOT tea (all raw)

Snack was Pineapple cream on top of strawberries on top of waffle (raw)

Lunch was toasted cheese sandwich, hot cocoa, french fries (raw)

Snack was popcorn with butter (raw)

Dinner was Roast Beast, with gravy, mashed potatoes and corn on the cob, pina colada smoothie, and fudge.

Again, I have to say all of these recipes are raw/vegan, and they are so much fun to prepare. I have clients coming today, so will probably be a feast again.

May 22, 2005 Day 124

Breakfast was Orange Juicius, Toast, Exploding Raspberry Jam, Butter, Sausage & Cheese Breakfast Burrito, (all raw)

Snack was Dragon Fire Crackers, with crab & cheese spread (raw)

Lunch was Durian Supreme Surprise Custard, and Sausages in Blood Red Sauce. (raw)

Snack was Sausages in Blood Red Sauce (raw)

Dinner was Tuna Fish spread on Dragon Fire Crackers and Nutty Professor(raw)

Snack was spicy nuts, and red & Black wine (raw)

May 23, 2005 Day 125

Breakfast was Eggs Ranchero with Flaming Red Passion (raw)

Snack was pear salad with american cheese (raw)

Lunch was cheeseburger, with mayo ketchup and mustard on buns, with french fries (raw)

Snack was spinache pesto on dragon fire crackers (raw)

Dinner was Carrot Ginger Soup, Crab Stir Fry, Green Tea Ice Cream (raw)

Snack was Cotton Candy, (raw)

May 24, 2005 Day 126

Breakfast was Spinach Quiche, Sausage Patty, Toast, Hot Cocoa (raw)

Snack was Chocolate Cake with cream cheese frosting (raw)

Lunch was Cantaoupe Fuit Kaboba, with pineapple cream dipping sauce (raw)

Snack was Mini Ice Cream Cones with chocolate fudge sauce. (raw)

Dinner was Grape Divine, Peach Sorbet, Crusty Garlic Bread Fettuccini Primavera (raw)

Snack was Shish kabobs, with Creamy Lemon Sauce(raw)

May 25, 2005 Day 127

Breakfast was Cheese Omelet with Crab Spread, and ranchero sauce, (raw)

Snack was oreos with cinnabon milkshake (raw)

Lunch was Ice Cream Snadwiches, tuna salad sandwich, vanilla milkshake, chocolate cake. (raw)

Snack was chocolate cake. (raw)

Dinner was Tomato Soup, spiced peaches, hot dogs, on buns, with relish, and mustard (raw)

Snack was Popcorn, with butter (raw)

May 26, 2005 Day 128

Breakfast was waffles with strawberries and whipped cream, hot cocoa, and orange juicius (raw)

Snack was popcorn with butter (raw)

Lunch was Tortilla soup, flan, velvet chocolate, polo fundito (raw)

Snack was orange juicius, black olives, brazil nuts

Dinner was Crusy Garlic Bread, Chocolate Baklava, crab sushi (raw)

Snack was chocolate milkshake, honey almonds

May 27, 2005 Day 129

Breakfast was Caramel Banana Smoothie, and bacon (raw)

Snack was Apple cinnamon Muffin with butter (raw)

Lunch was lemon poppy seed roll, Spring rolls, with hot tea (raw)

Snack was apple cinnamon muffin with butter (raw)

Dinner was Black Birds baked in a pie, wild boar, and blood red sauce, jack spratt surprise, dragggon's fire salad, hearty stew, baked apples, wild boar with gravy, and plum pudding with whipped cream.(raw feast for guests)

Snack was ypocrass (raw)

May 28, 2005 Day 130

Breakfast was Sausage & cheese omelet, waffles, with exploding raspberry jam, orange juicius (raw)

Snack was black olives and orange juice. (raw)

Lunch was taquitos with cashew sour cream and pico de gallo. (raw)

Snack was black olives and orange juicius. (raw)

Dinner was pesto stuffed zucchini, pesto stuffed tomatoes, crusty garlic bread, raviolies with marinara sauce, and pine nut cheese topping. (raw)

Snack was cinnabon milkshake, and popcorn with butter. (raw)

May 29, 2005 Day 131

Breakfast was Waffles, with Exploding Raspberry Jam, and whipped cream (raw)

Snack was hot cocoa, and toasted cheese sandwhich (raw)

Lunch was spinach salad with tomato stuffed with tuna salad, and hot tea (raw)

Snack was black olives and Orange Juice (raw)

Dinner was macaroni and Cheese and Sausage patty, onion rings, and ranch dressing, chocolate milkshake (raw)

Snack was black olives, orange milkshake, (raw)

May 30, 2005 Day 132

Breakfast was Sausage & Cheese Pizza, and chocolate milkshake (raw)

Snack was Pina Colada ice cream (raw)

Lunch was Toasted Cheese sandwich and spinach & tomato salad, with Mustard Cilantro dressing, hot tea (raw)

Snack was fudge.

Dinner was Burrito, with cashew sour cream, and pico de gallo.(raw)

Snack was popcorn, Cinnabom milkshake.
May 31, 2005 Day 133
Well, I have been so busy lately that I simply haven't chosen to take the time to write in my journal, and I really miss it. So, I will list my food intake, although I won't remember all the fun things that happened every day.
Breakfast was Hot cocoa with almond cream, Orange juicius, and Veggie Quiche.
Snack was strawberries
Lunch was toasted cheese sandwich and pecan sausge, I still can't believe this is all raw.
Snack black olives and orange juice, and strawberries.
Dinner was strawberrie waffles, and macademia nut whipped cream.
Snack was popcorn with butter
Again, all this food is raw, I am just using the SAD names that I remember
June 1, 2005 Day 134
Breakfast was Sausage & Cheese Breakfast Burrito, and tea.
Snack was strawberries
Lunch was pizza with pineapple, pecan sausage, tomatoe sauce, sun dried tomatoes, and gooey pizza cheese.
snack was more pizza and strawberries
Dinner was Veggie quiche, orange juicius, and chocolate cake with strawberry frosting.
snack was popcorn, with butter
June 2, 2005 Day 135
Breakfast was strawberries
Snack was strawberries
Lunch was strawberries
Snack was black olives, strawberries and orange juice
Dinner was olives and orange juice
Snack was pesto stuffed zucchini, with marinara sauce, oh man this is good. Kind of like lasagna, yummmmmmy.
June 3, 2005 Day 136
Breakfast was chocolate waffles, with whipped cream and strawberries
Snack was black olives and pesto stuffed mushrooms
Lunch was orange juice
Snack was strawberries
Dinner was orange juice, strawberries, pesto stuffed mushrooms, pizza with pineapple, black olives, mushrooms, sun dried tomatoes, gooey pizza cheese, and basil.
Snack was orange juice, strawberries
June 4, 2005 Day 137
Breakfast was Banana Caramel Smoothie, strawberrie waffles, with whipped cream
Snack was olives
Lunch was large green salald with herbs and tomatoes, lemon and garlic and olive oil dressing.
Snack was strawberries
Dinner was pizza with mushrooms, black olives, basil, sun dried tomatoes, pineapple, oregano, thyme, and olive oil. YUMMY.
Snack was crackers, creamy cashew cheese crab spread, with red pepper slices. and black olives
June 5, 2005 Day 138
Breakfast was orange juicius and strawberries
snack was olives and orange juice
Lunch was herb salad with spinach, basil, sage, thyme, rosemary and red pepper with pine nut dressing
snack was chocolate covered almonds YUMMMY, I'm always trying new and fun recipes. This is a keepper.
Dinner was rawviolies with creamy alfredo sauce, tons of garlic, and pinenut parmesian. Banana ice cream with chocolate sauce, and strawberries and pecans
snack was nothing, I'm eating way too much here.
June 6, 2005 Day 139
Breakfast was camomile tea, (my hubby picks this fresh for me) strawberries, green grapes, cantaloupe, honeydew melon, watermelon, banana, kiwi all in a gorgeous fruit salald
Snack was more fruit salad
Lunch was orange juice, and more fruit salad
Snack was herb green salald with pinenut dressing, with honey and mustard
Dinner was chili hot dogs, (yes these are raw) and yummy, cole slaw, jicama potatoe salad, again working on new and wonderful recipes for my un-cook books.
Snack was more fruit salad
June 7, 2005 Day 140
Breakfast was orange juice and black olives
Snack was strawberreis
Lunch was cheese burger with mustard, mayo and pickel relish, jicama fries, (these are oK-but won't eat them again, too sweet), strawberries and cream milkshake made with almond milk.
Snack was strawberries (never tire of these, and they are FREE as we grow them all organically)
Dinner was lasagna, italian salad with lemon tahini dressing, tortiall soup, crusty garlic bread and red & black wine. This was a fun meal.
June 8, 2005 Day 141
Breakfast was strawberry waffles, with cashew cream and pecans on top
Snack was watermelon, grapes, strawberries, banana, honeydew, just one bite of each.
Lunch was fruit salad (see above)
Snack was more fruit
Dinner was more fruit salad
June 9, 2005 Day 142
Breakfast was grapefruit slices, orange juice, strawberries, banana, kiwi, watermelon salad.
snack was more fruit salald
Lunch was pesto stuffed zucchini with marinara sauce, and pine nut cheese, crusty garlic bread and italian salald, with lemon tahini dressing.
Snack was pesto stuffed zucchini with more sauce, yuuuuuummmmmmyyyyy
Dinner was a handful of almonds, and walnuts, some raisins and a date.
Snack was orange juice.
June 10, 2005 Day 143
Breakfast was banana, watermelon, honeydew, kiwi, cantaloupe, mango (man this was good, I only had mango twice in my life and I didn't like it, this one was sooooooo good) I think my taste buds are changing. Will I maybe like avocados?
Snack mango
Lunch fruit salad with even more mango
Snack fruit salald
Dinner mangos and cantaloupe, I like these two together.
snack was banana and mango and cantaloupe
June 11, 2005 Day 146
Breakfast was Yummy Sweet Quiche, which is more like a desert, and very decadant.
Snack was orange juice
Lunch was huge green salad with herbs and strawberries
snack was strawberries
Dinner was large green salad and herbs with lemond and olive oil dressing
June 12, 2005 Day 147
Breakfast was watermelon, kiwi, and mango
Snack was almonds
Lunch was black olives, orange juice and almonds
Snack was mango
Dinner was lasagna with marinara sauce, and pine nut cheese
Snack was pesto stuffed mushrooms
June 13, 2005 Day 148
Breakfast was strawberries, and orange juice.
Snack was orange juice
Lunch was pizza with pecan sausage and pineapple, black olives, sun dried tomatoes and gooey pizza cheese.
Snack was orange juice and black olives
Dinner was huge green salad with basil, sage, hyssop, chocolate mint, kentucky mint, oregano and thyme with lemon tahini dressing
Snack was almond milkshake with dates, cinnamon, and vanilla
June 14, 2005 Day 149
Breakfast was strawberries, orange juice, hot tea
snack was hand full of almonds and raisins
Lunch was stir fried cauliflower, corn, carrot, broccoli, bean sprouts, celery, red bell pepper, and wasabi and braggs. (I have to watch this as it makes me crave it)
Snack was chocolate fudge, with pecans.
Dinner was stir fry, more of the above, with green tea ice cream for dessert, and mint syrup.
Snack was crusty cheese bread with butter. Again, this is raw, just because it sounds good, doesn't mean it isn't raw.
My taste buds keep changing on me, and I love one thing one day, and not the next, I used to love one thing, then I need way less salt and spice.
For example, I used to eat about 10 large Green olives a day, I would just reach in the fridge and grab them, then one day, after I went raw, they were just way tooooo salty, so I started soaking them to leach out the salt, I still thought they were way too salty, now I only can eat the greek ones you buy at the deli, and only one kind. All the others have too much salt.
I eat alot of strawberries because they are in season, and they are great, and we do grow them, but I never much cared for them before, this year I can't get enough. It was raspberries a couple of years ago, and orange juice and black olives this winter. Now it's strawberries.
I also love the pesto stuffed zucchini with marinara sauce, and pine nut cheese, man that is good.
I had made something similare in my Italian uncook book, but this is even better.
I suppose I will have to write Raw & Living uncook book returns, or son of the Raw & living uncook book, that could work. LOL
obviously I'm tired and NEED to go to bed.
June 15, 2005 day 150
Wow, close to 5 months on raw, how fun that is.
Breakfast was hot tea (warm tea with cayenne) I love the peppermint tea with cayenne, it is hot and cold and so much fun. Warmed veggie quiche and toast with butter and exploding strawberry jam.
Snack was cherries and chocolate walnut fudge
Lunch was creamy corn chowder, flax crackers and cashew red pepper cheese, with strawberry shortcake for dessert. (all raw of course)
Snack was Cherries, cherries and more cherries, they are so super yummy. I just can't get enough.
Dinner was Supreme Delux Pizza, with gooey pizza cheese, marinara sauce, sun dried tomatoes, black greek olives, fresh basil, pineapple, mushrooms, red and green yellow and orange peppers, spinach, garlic, white yellow and red onion, it was a plethera of color. yummmmmyyyyyyy.
Snack was cherries cheesecake. WOW. and YUMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY.
June 16, 2005 Day 151,P.Breakfast tea, chocolate truffles with strawberries and raspberries picked fresh from our gardens,p.Lunch was Lasagna stuffed red bell peppers, ooooohhhhh yummy, I took red bell peppers, and stuffed them with left over lasagna, cashew ricotta cheese, garlic, olive oil, basil, oregano, thyme, mushrooms, and popped it in the dehydrator until warm, oh baby oh baby these are good. My hubby even had one and loved it.

I really hate to say this, but I've been eating cooked food June 13, 2005 to August 23, 2005, I don't know why, I don't even know how, but I just caved in and ate cooked food, then I was so embarassed, well, anywya

August 24, 2005

Day 1 again

Well, you can see that Ihaven't been posting to much, mainly because I wasn't eating raw, and I was in denial, so there I was not wanting anyone to know, but that is okay. That is where I was, so obviously I needed to be there at that moment.

Life is a process, if I or anyone else was perfect, we wouldn't need to be here on this planet.

So, I at
2 plums
1 large green
salald
1 apple
1 pear
1 large glass orange juice
massive amounts of water

Now, don't get me wrong, I've been raw on and off this whole time, and every day I woke up wanting to be raw, but something always happened, I got too busy to make anything, so I grabbed something on the run, but the main thing that happened is I started eating wheat again, so I wanted bread and tostada for wraps, which then led me to sour cream in the tostadas, well, since I was eating the sour cream, why not go all the way and drink a latte' too.

That was where I had been, now I'm off wheat and dairy, and back on the raw track.

But we'll just take it one day at a time, one meal at a time, one bite at a time, and we'll make it.

Every journey starts with the first step.

And here is mine.

August 25, 2005 Day 2

Breakfast was 1 entire full ripe raw fresh cantaloupe, YUMMY, I thought I had died and gone to heaven, it was sooooooooo good.

Lunch was a large green salad

Dinner was 2 pesto stuffed mushrooms, 3 pesto stuffed cherry tomatoes, pesto stuffed squash (two kinds, totaled about 1/4 small squash)

Snack was 1 plum and 1 banana

August 26, 2005 Day 3

Breakfast was Plum, banana, strawberries, and chocolate mint leaves, also orange juice.

Lunch was cantaloupe, YUMMY.

Dinner was stir fry, with cauliflower, white onion, mushrooms, and zucchini marinated in braggs.

Snack was orange juice and greek olives and pesto stuffed mushrooms.

Late night snack was Almond nutmilk shake with cardamon and cinnamon, oh this is to live for. YUMMMMMY

Since I have re-started my Raw journey, I wish to also state some things here.

My symptoms while eating SAD foods
hair brittle & split ends
detached retina L eye
greesy hair
runny eyes
itchy ears
sinitus
dry skin
cracked heals
incontinance
achy joints
gas belching
low libido
scaley scalp
brittle nails
urgent urination
frequent urination
headaches
insomnea
need nap during day
R foot pain
shin s;ints
over weight
cold all the time/or hot (can not regulate my own temp)
hungry all the time
cravings
asthma
high blood preasure
PMS
endometriosis
yeast infections
black heads
sugar cravings
wheat cravings
dairy cravings
excessive bloating to the point of pain in abdomen
bug bites KILL ME
allergic to flees/mosquitos/lady bugs etc.
constipation
low self esteem
malaize
confusion
gray hair
can't find "words"
hot flashes
confusion
cellulite
shortness of breath
bags under eyes
saggy skin
double chin
wrinkles
nausea
vertigo
car sickness
fear of heights
varicose veins
dry vagina
body odor
insomnia (wake up 2 or 3 times at night, and plus hard to fall asleep)
************
so far these are the things that I have been dealing with while eating cooked food, although I've been a vegetarian, and NOT eating junk foods, like chips and dips, I have been eating cooked veggies and wheat and dairy, and pop.

So, now that I am back on 100% raw and living foods, I'd like to say, that I feel so much better.

I am up at 3am, because I am going through some detox.

so far for the last 3 days, I've had excessive bloating and pain in my intestines, with constipation then severe 24 hour diarreha, also headaches (which taking a dry sauna seems to help somewhat) I've also had sinus discharge, and itchy ears, but much less than when eating cooked. I had a fever of 101-102 for 24 hours, and slight nausea, leg cramps has me up tonight, and bad breath, kind of biting breath, like I am eating salt or hot spice, and still having some intestinal cramps.

Started my period today, so that may be some of it, but don't think it's the main culprit.

I have a clearer head, and my eyesight has improved since going raw again.

Generally, although I have the leg cramps, headache etc, I feel better.

I also woke up this morning with a ton of energy, and woke up early too. Much to my hubby's surprise.

Dragggon is also eating much more raw, as he is eating what I am eating but adding his dinner plus drinking coffee and pop, other than that, he's eating raw most of the days now.

Although this is totally his choice, he can eat whatever he enjoys.

But we usually make food together, or he makes it for me, so that makes it easier to only make one dinner.

Everything is producing now, so that is always nice to have an abundance of fresh produce to pick from our gardens, we do love to go out and graze for our food, it is fun and an enjoyable way to eat together.

Also, he is very good at making desserts and loves to do this, so that is also a super fun time for me.

August 27, 2005 Day 4

Well, I woke up this morning with abundant energy, and felt soooooo great.

Breakfast
1/2 cantaloupe, super juicy, ripe, raw, fresh and delicious beyond belief
orange juice
camomile tea

Lunch was
watermelon
honeydew
melon
cantaloupe
red grapes
pineapple
small green salad
tomatoes
dressing
dill pickle

Dinner was
creamy corn chowder
1 1/2 barley burger patties, no sauce, just straight and delicious, not even warmed in the dehydrator, I was sooooooo hungry.

I drank a bunch of ice water today.

My tastes have changed again, I don't care for the bottled dressing, I had a tiny taste of today, it wasn't good.

I tasted a pickle, and it wasn't good, I tasted grocery store tomatoes, and they tasted so blah.

I am spoiled with my own pickles, organic tomatoes, and dressings. I was so surprised at how strangely blah, they tasted at the party I was at today.

I will continue to eat my organic home grown things from now on.

I'm feel like not leaving the house!!LOL

August 28, 2005
Day 5
Breakfast was
orange juice
banana

Snack
grapes

Lunch
3 pesto stuffed mushrooms
1 barley burger patty
bar-b-que sauce
sliced marinated mushrooms

Snack was
peach

Dinner
salad
dressing
mushrooms

This is different, my third "real" time being raw. I was raw in 2001 for 3 weeks, 100% massive cravings, total challenge, very difficult, and always thinking of food, or reading about food, or making food, and wanting food, or doing anything to be near food.

Then Jan 2005 I went raw again, 2 months without any cooked, then I had a drink a baked potato and then another one, this took over 2 weeks to eat this way, after 2 more months, I was about 50/50 raw/cooked and feeling terrible about myself.

I really beat myself up about this, and I kept eating into a downward spiral until I wasn't eating much raw at all.

I really was feeling badly and that was the big problem,that I was allowing myself to feel badly about my eating, instead of looking at what was really bothering me.

There are many things in my past that I can choose to release, and when I am ready, I will do this, it might be in 5 minutes, or it might be never, but this is something that I really need to meditate on, or I will never really be free of my food issues, as overeating is my way of dealing with my emotional issues.

When I look at my food issues, I see that food has always been here for me, it soothes me, it punishes me, it rewards me, it fills me, it is always there, it will never abandon me, and there are thousands of books on how to prepare it, how to grow it, how to harvest it.

There are even tours of Europe just to go to places that they make certain types of it.

I can go anywhere on Earth and find it, everyone on this planet uses this substance, and many abuse it.

I can see pictures of it everywhere, see it on TV and see it in movies. There is no place I can go and not see this.

I must eat, there is no way I can go without my substance of choice.

It is my choice, and I have made it the very most difficult thing to ever deal with.

There is no way, I can give it up for ever, like ALL othere addictions, and still live.

I MUST WORK THROUGH THIS. What a wonderful choice I made, so that I actually must go through this challenge, to get to the other side.

So, let's see, I have major abandonment issues with my mother, self esteme issues with my mother, and men issues with my father, I have self worth issues about myself with my sister/father's family, and I have deserving issues with my whole family.

Now, I can just keep stuffing these issues down with over eating, or I can actually work on these things.

Working on these things doesn't mean I need to be a masochist about it, I don't need to dwell on it, go through it over and over, and worry and fret about it, I don't need to re-live these issues in my life. I simply need to accept that these things happened exactly as they should, and that everything is perfect in the universe, and that I chose to experience them in my life, and that I am still holding on to the emotions around these issues.

Sometimes, it can be difficult to figure out what lessen needs to be learned by any experience, but knowing that there is a lesson, may simply be enough to release the lesson itself.

I choose to release these feelings of being "less than" and acknowledge that everyone has these exact same feelings, and that is what causes everyone to not be kind and loving to others.

I am chosing to love myself, and that is all that is needed.

It is wonderful that Dragggon loves me too, and I have friends and family who care. The most important thing that I can do for myself is to love myself exactly as I am, perfect as God/dess and I made me.

Now, I am raw 5 days and I am feeling pretty good. No cravings, although I've certainly wanted some cooked food, it wasn't a craving, and nothing that I really wanted, only thought about.

I find that it is easier if I am not around cooked food, and especially if I don't smell it.

I don't think about cooked food, until I smell it, or see it, those are my two most intense feelings towards food.

August 29, 2005

Day 6
Breakfast:
Orange Juice
banana

Lunch:
camomile tea
Macademia nuts
Dinner:
Stir fry, with cauliflower, red pepper, brocolli, bean
sprouts, on rice
spring rolls
with hot mustard and shoyu
jasmin tea

Snack:
greek olives
orange juice

August 30, 2005

Day 7
Breakfast:
orange juice
green grapes
camomile tea

Lunch:
Creamy corn chowder

Dinner:
bar-b-que
mushrooms
barley burger pattie

Snack:
orange juice
greek
olives
brazil nuts

August 31, 2005
Day 8

Breakfast:
Pineapple

Lunch:
greens salad
salad dressing

Dinner:
Barly burgers
mushrooms (marinated)
bar-b-que sauce

And lots of water.

September 1, 2005
Day 9

Breakfast:
Camomile tea
cantaloup

Snack:
green grapes

Lunch:
green salad
salad dressing

Dinner:
marinated mushrooms
bar-b-que nibs
bar-b-que sauce
hot sauce
pesto stuffed mushrooms

Well, I started the 30 day challenge again today, and it is working great. No cravings, just a thought of food, then I let it go.

September 2, 2005
Day 10

Breakfast:
camomile tea
handful green grapes

Lunch:
large green salad
salad dressing

Dinner
marinated mushrooms
barley burger patty

September 3, 2005
Day 11

Breakfast:
camomile tea

Lunch:
cantaloup
blackberries

Dinner:
green salad with
tomatoes
salad dressing
waldorf salad with:
apple
walnuts
celery
mayo

Snack:
Orange Juice

September 4, 2005
Day 12
Breakfast
camomile tea
cantaloupe

Lunch
cantaloupe

Dinner
3 barley burger patties
2 pesto stuffed mushrooms

September 5, 2005
Day 13

Breakfast
nothing

Lunch
2 large glasses of water

Dinner
2 cups of corn chowder for dinner
1 large glass of water

Snack
apple
nut butter

I just didn't feel very good today, had a headache, which I haven't had in a few weeks, and didn't want to eat, so I didn't.

I am hoping to feel better tomorrow, with so little food today, don't know if it is a detox thing, or what.

But I haven't felt really good for a few days now.

So, maybe just eating nothing, or close to it will make me feel better.

September 6, 2005

Day 14
Two weeks at being raw again, my how time flies, and no major cravings, yes I've been wanting a boca burger but mostly I want the bread, I could eat an entire loaf of garlic bread in one sitting, I swear, well, at least I think I could LOL
Breakfast
1 pear
1 peach

Snack
3 strawberries

Lunch
Large hunk of watermelon

Dinner
Water

Again, not feeling up to par, so am just being super lazy these days, not even making any exciting food, doesn't sound good to me.

September 7, 2005
Day 15

Breakfast
water

Lunch
Honeydew melon, about 1 cup

Dinner
Honeydew melon, about 1/2 cup

Again, not feeling well at all, major terrible in fact, the worst cramping in my body in my entire life.

I started my period again, third time in 3 weeks, must have something to do with menopause, but boy I wish it would be over. I've been having meopause symptoms for about 4 years now, and it's terrible, as soon as I thought I was through with the hot flashes, now I am just hot all the time, although I don't break out in a sweet too often, I just have to wear super flimsy summer dresses even in the winter, with no coat, and in the summer I have the air conditioning on all the time.

Poor Dragggon is always freezing, but he says it's easier for him to through on a sweater than for me to get cool without the air conditioning, so it stays on.

Then some days, I've got the air conditioner on, and I'm so hot, and it's only 60 outside, then the next minute I turn the heater on, because I'm so cold.

So there is just no way for me to win, I'm so happy I work at home, I just couldn't imagine working in an office somewhere and having to deal with all their building challenges.

Anyway, major pain, excrusiating, beyond belief, about the worst pain of my life, except the gall bladder pain, it was constant, and least the crampin, is on off, on off, on off, so there is some relief, but every time I breath or move, it is intense.

So, the gall bladder stuff is worse, because it doesn't let up, but as far as pain intensity the cramping is much worse, plus I have actually been driven to taking pain medication for this, I mean it shows you how bad I am feeling, Dragggon had to go get some aleve for me to take. It may or may not have helped, it's hard to tell.

I was actually able to get a few hours sleep last night, after Dragggon made me some hot packs and a cool wrap for my head, and rubbed my feet, and cuddled with me. He is sooo super sweet, and man oh man, I hope I never have to go through that again.

I am still very crampy today, and still on my period, or whatever it is, blood for 3 weeks, just seems like alot to me. It starts then stops, then starts then stops. Oh, to be a crone and be done with this.

I have not eaten yet today, and don't feel much like it, although I did dream of eating pizza (cooked) last night, but I kept putting raw veggies on it, then all of a sudden, some meat sausage appeared on my pizza (in my dream) and then I knew it was a dream, so went ahead and ate the pizza in my dream (minus the sausage of course) it was so funny, eating this in my dream and knowing it was a dream, took all the guilt away, plus I knew I wouldn't have to go through cravings or detox, so I decided that the next time I had cravings I would just eat it in my dream, how weird is that? LOL

I thought that was pretty ingenious of my psychi.

September 8, 2005
Day 16

Breakfast
water

Lunch
honeydew melon
watermelon

Dinner
hamburger
Pizza wrap
barley burger
lettuce
tomatoe
white onion
dijon
pickel
mayo

YUMMY!!
I still have major cramping, but am feel much better, was able to sit up most of the day today. YES.

September 9, 2005
Day 17
Lunch
orange juice
ruby red grapefruit

Dinner
1/2 cantaloupe
hamburger made with
pizza wrap
barley burger patty
lettucevtomatoe
onion
mayo
mustard

September 10, 2005
Day 18
Breakfast
camomile tea

Lunch
cantaloupe

Dinner
hamburger
pizza wrap
barley burger patty
white onion
tomato
lettuce
mayo
dijon

Snack
orange juice

September 11, 2005
Day 19
Breakfast
1 cup camomile tea

Lunch
1 cup green grapes

Snack
1/2 glass of water

Dinner
1 cup camomile tea

Well, some days are better than others, today is a very bad day.

Massive amounts of pain, beyond what I previously had, if I pee, the pain is so much worse, if I go to the bathroom it is escrusiating, so I am really not ingesting much, so I supose I am kind of fasting, which has never really appealed to me.

Dragggon made me some nectarine slices, and they looked realy good, but I just couldn't bring myself to actually eat them.

I did get down 2 cups of camomile tea, well, actually still working on one of them, and almost 1/2 a glass of water, I did eat about a handful of green grapes, that was nice.

But I mostly try to sleep, as I wake up about every 5 minutes in excrusiating pain.

I know this is some kind of terrible detox, and I will come out the other side feeling so much better, menopause, I wish it were menostop. LOL

I wish I could have an idea when this might end. I haven't been able to get any work done, writing painting, anything in over 3 weeks.

I think I've been patient. It just keeps getting worse and worse.

I spend most of my day now in agony, can't sit up, and Dragggon has to help me do everything, even the potty. Sweet man.

September 12, 2005
Day 20

Breakfast:
Camomile tea

Lunch:v1 cup of white grapes

Dinner:
1/2 cantaloupe

September 13, 2005
Day 21

Breakfast
1/4 cup white grapes

Lunch
orange juice

Dinner
green salad
dressing

Still in excrusiating pain, can't really sit up too long, heat packs aren't helping any more. Really difficult to concentrate. Have posted a few times on the boards, but it is too painful to do anything.

I tried to write on my book, but that just didn't happen, can't actually think straight.

September 14, 2005
Day 22
Breakfast
2 bites watermelon

Lunch
glass of water

Dinner
2 oranges

I don't know if I will be able to eat anything else.

I am so weak, and I feel so badly. Actually thought I might be getting a little better last night, I was able to sit up for an hour or so yesterday, and this morning I made it to the bathroom by myself.

Many of my psychic friends have called because they "felt" me and wanted to connect. This is pretty interesting, because these aren't people that I keep in touch with that often, maybe once every few months or so, and they just "felt" the need to connect.

I've thought recently about my manifesting this pain.

If it was just pain, I could sit in the hot tub, take an aspirin, and sleep a little, and probably make it through.

If it was just not sleeping, I could nap, if it was just not being able to eat, I could drink fruit jucies, if it was just difficulty walking, I could figure out something,

But this is totally debilitating. And I have a new respect for continuing pain. IT simply never goes away.

September 8, 2005
Day 16

Breakfast
water

Lunch
honeydew melon
watermelon

Dinner
hamburger
Pizza wrap
barley burger
lettuce
tomato
white onion
dijon
pickel
mayo

YUMMY!!

I still have major cramping, but am feel much better, was able to sit up most of the day today. YES.

September 9, 2005
Day 17
Lunch
orange juice
ruby red grapefruit

Dinner
1/2 cantaloupe
hamburger made with
pizza wrap
barley burger patty
lettuce
tomato
onion
mayo
mustard

September 10, 2005
Day 18

Breakfast
camomile tea

Lunch
cantaloupe

Dinner
hamburger
pizza wrap
barley burger patty
white onion
tomato
lettuce
mayo
dijon

Snack
orange juice

September 11, 2006
Day 19
Breakfast
1 cup camomile tea
Lunch
1 cup green grapes

Snack
1/2 glass of water

Dinner
1 cup camomile tea

Well, some days are better than others, today is a very bad day.

Massive amounts of pain, beyond what I previously had, if I pee, the pain is so much worse, if I go to the bathroom it is escrusiating, so I am really not ingesting much, so I supose I am kind of fasting, which has never really appealed to me.

Dragggon made me some nectarine slices, and they looked realy good, but I just couldn't bring myself to actually eat them.

I did get down 2 cups of camomile tea, well, actually still working on one of them, and almost 1/2 a glass of water, I did eat about a handful of green grapes, that was nice.

But I mostly try to sleep, as I wake up about every 5 minutes in excrusiating pain.

I know this is some kind of terrible detox, and I will come out the other side feeling so much better, menopause, I wish it were menostop. LOL

I wish I could have an idea when this might end. I haven't been able to get any work done, writing painting, anything in over 3 weeks.

I think I've been patient. It just keeps getting worse and worse.

I spend most of my day now in agony, can't sit up, and Dragggon has to help me do everything, even the potty. Sweet man.

September 12, 2005
Day 20

Breakfast:
Camomile tea

Lunch:
1 cup of white grapes

Dinner:
1/2 cantaloupe

September 14, 2005
Day 22

Breakfast
2 bites watermelon

Lunch
glass of water

Dinner
2 oranges

I don't know if I will be able to eat anything else.

I am so weak, and I feel so badly. Actually thought I might be getting a little better last night, I was able to sit up for an hour or so yesterday, and this morning I made it to the bathroom by myself.

Many of my psychic friends have called because they "felt" me and wanted to connect. This is pretty interesting, because these aren't people that I keep in touch with that often, maybe once every few months or so, and they just "felt" the need to connect.

I've thought recently about my manifesting this pain.

If it was just pain, I could sit in the hot tub, take an aspirin, and sleep a little, and probably make it through.

If it was just not sleeping, I could nap, if it was just not being able to eat, I could drink fruit jucies, if it was just difficulty walking, I could figure out something,

But this is totally debilitating. And I have a new respect for continuing pain. IT simply never goes away

September 15, 2005
Day 23
Lunch
1 grapefruit

Dinner
2 oranges

that's it for today, still terribly ill and in pain.

today is our pay bills day, so Dragggon had to do it all himself, drive into the banks, transfer moneys pay bills, mail etc.

He is so sweet to me.

I wish this would just be over. I really can't bear this pain much longer.

I start to feel a little better, then it hits again, like someone stabbing me in the gut.

I keel over, and Dragggon takes me up to the bedroom, only takes about 1/2 hour to get up those two steps and go about 20 feet from my studio to my bedroom.

But unfortunately, I can't make it by myself.

I was actually thinking of getting some kind of cane, or walker, as the pain is so bad I can't stand up, I can't lift my legs, that's the biggest challenge, I have to lift my legs by leaning to the side, then kind of drag my leg on the other side forward.

Kind of funny to watch I'm sure. LOL

anyway, some days it gets a little better, other days it gets excrusiation.

September 16, 2005
Day 24

Breakfast
orange

Lunch
orange

Dinner
water

Well, I'm actually feeling just a bit better. I asked my body what was not working right? And if there was anything I needed to know.

I got that I had a bladder infection.

I don't have any bladder pain, or frequent urination, or blood in my urine, or pain while urinating, but I believe my body, so I am drinking lots of water, and taking cranactin, which is dried cranberries in powder form.

In each pill it is like eating 2 pounds of cranberries.

I don't want to drink cranberry juice, because of all the sugar, and I can't find them fresh to make my own.

I'm also making juniper berry tea, and that is helping.

Anyway, today I was able to get to the bathroom all by myself, and also sit up at the computer for a couple of hours.

The pain is much less today, than it has been.

So, I will continue to drink lots of water, and juniper berry tea, and take the powdered cranberries.

I had asked my body before, and it did tell me bladder, menopause, cramps, indegestion, detox.

I would bet I did have all those challenges, but how to work on all of them at once, was the challenge.

September 17, 2005
Day 25

Breakfast
Cantaloupe
camomile tea

Lunch
barley burger patty
2 pesto stuffed mushrooms

Dinner
almond milk
Almond milk frozen

Well, I am feeling much better, although maybe I am just accepting this pain, because it certainly is still here.

So is the pain better? Or am I more accepting? Or both.

September 18, 2005
Day 26

Breakfast
oranges
juniper berry tea

lunch
1 1/2 barley burger patties

dinner
dessert plate
with
hazelnuts
brazil nuts
walnuts
apricot kernals
blackberries
oranges
truffles plain
truffles with cacoa
truffles with dried jicama
truffles with coconut
raspberry chocolate mint fruit leather
chocolate mint leaves and flowers
water

Late night snack
2 pesto stuffed mushrooms

Am feeling much much better, still alot of pain, but soooooo much better I hardly notice it.

Can actually go to the potty, sit up like a big girl, and write on my book, Yippee!

September 19, 2005
Day 27

Breakfast
Juniper/Camomile tea
2 oranges

Lunch
1 peach

Dinner
1/2 cantaloupe

Feeling much much better, am taking it easy, but trying to write on my newest book, am drinking tons of water, and eating lots of fresh fruit. I am also taking cranactin, powdered cranberries, I would eat them whole, but none to be found, so I've been taking these, and the fresh juniper berries in tea, which actually are tasty. So, we'll see how much better I get.

September 20, 2005
Day 28

Breakfast
water
camomile tea

Lunch
1 bite orange
water

Dinner
spring rolls
hot mustard
fried rice
tofu

(I made a conscious choice to eat at my favorite Asian restaurant, I did not eat all the donuts, cakes, pop, ice cream, pizza (they have fun kid food too) or anything else)
I chose to eat my favorite foods, in about 1/4 portion what I used to eat, and I enjoyed every bite.

We went to the Puyallup fair today, and I didn not eat the corn on the cob, or the bavarian waffels with ice cream and whipped cream, I did not eat the elephant ears dripping in butter, I did not eat anything there at all.

I decide that if I was still hungry, and I truly wanted to, I would go out to one of my favorite restaurants and eat a stir fried (lightly) dinner of my choice, which is exactly what I did, and I loved it.

Mostly raw veggies, warmed slightly on the grill, some tofu, my favorite, and a small portion of fried rice, some jasmin tea, and a few spring rolls, with hot mustard.

I walked several miles today, my pain is going away, but still with me, and I am feeling much much better.

Feeling even better today, keep drinking tons of water, and taking the cranactin, and resting when I'm tired, and tons of fruit, what a way to live.

Now, if only ALL the pain would go away, then I'd be really in heaven. LOL

September 21, 2005
Day 29
Breakfast
camomile tea

Lunch
water

Dinner
camomile
pineapple
2 pesto stuffed mushrooms

Well, I am feeling much much better today, still quite a bit of pain, but I feel great.

Was sooooo tired and felt run down, now I am wondering if there was something in the semi cooked food yesterday that I needed, can't imagine what, the only thing I ate that was different was the rice, and the spring roll wrappers, everything else was the same, I did do alot of walking yesterday, but can't imagine that would do anything to my emotional state. Who knows.

If I feel run down again, I'll try everything, and see what works.

Also, I bought a new fun gadget for my bamix, it is a food processor, cool atachment, so that will be fun to use.

Also received my two new Excalibur Dehydrators today, and all three of them the two new ones and the old one are all working away at dehydrating one basil plant. We only have about 20 more basil plants to dehydrate, plus the tomatoes, and everything else we normally do.

So, It is a good thing we now have enough dehydrators to help us out.

Wishing continued healing to myself today and all days.

September 22, 2005

Day 30

Well, here I am at day 30 of the 30 day challenge, how cool, only two slip ups, and they were planned.

I am finding myself craving wheat, so I would imagine the spring rolls I ate a couple of days ago had wheat in the wrappers, and not just rice wraps, so I live and learn.

Breakfast
water
2 oranges

(I am finding I like to eat the oranges instead of drinking them in juice, don't know why, but since that's how I want them, that's how I eating them)
Lunch
water

Dinner
Tostada
Pizza wrap
burger patty
lettuce
tomatoe
white onion
hot salsa
green salad
tomatoe
white onion

September 23, 2005
Day 31

Breakfast
1+1/2 cups tea

Lunch
1 cup of fresh sweet delicious pineapple

Dinner
1 cup of creamy corn chowder mmmmmmmm
white coconut
watervwhie coconut meat

We are now dehydrating a gazillion blackberries into leather, we mixed them with plum, pineapple, banana, apple and cantaloupe. mMMMmmmm mixed fruit.

And as you can probably tell, I am feeling much better.

September 24, 2005
Day 32

Breakfast
camomile tea
orange juice

Lunch
banana
orange juice

Dinner
creamy corn chowder

I feel much better today, getting better and better everyday.

Have a headache, must be detox, but not sure why, maybe it's just natural at this time.

September 25, 2005
Day 33

Breakfast
Orange juice

Lunch
salad
french dressing

snack
pineapple

Dinner
mini pizzas
french bread

Well, had some clients by for a while today, sold a few things, that is always good.

Getting ready for a fair this next weekend, and got a call from a radio host, who wants to interview me in a couple of weeks for his show, The Freak Show, how cool is that?

Ate some cooked tonight, and that is okay.

Not sure why I wanted to, or for what reason I decided to do it, but I did, and will meditate on it tomorrow.

September 26, 3005
Day 34

Breakfast
camomile tea

Lunch
water

dinner
stir fry
spring rolls
hot mustard
fried rice

Getting ready for another Faire, then a radio gig, next weekend.

Life is lovely.

September 27, 3005
Day 35

Breakfast
pineapple

Lunch
water

Dinner
Pizza

September 28, 2005
Day 36

Breakfast
orange juice

lunch
pizza

Dinner
burger patty
mayo
pickle
onion bread
green salad
dressing
milkshake
onion rings
dressing

September 29, 2005
Day 37

Breakfast
camomile tea

Lunch
burger patty
lettuce
onion
tomato
mayo
mustard
onion bread
"cheese"

dinner
toasted cheese
"cheese"
onion bread
truffles

September 30, 2005 to march 15, 2006
Ate cooked food, struggled to get back into raw, gained back the 43 pounds I lost, feel horrible, and fat, and terrible, joint pain, aches, I feel awful.So, we are remodling yet once again, and my son Tom is up here to help, so he wants to go raw, so I'll go raw with him and see what happens.

March 16, 2006

well, my son came up to help me put in carpeting, and he wants to go 100% raw, so here we both go.

I went to my freezer and pulled out truffles, and enchiladas, made some salsa and cashew sour cream, he's in raw heaven.

actually so am I, it was very delicious.mmmmmmmmmm

March 17, 2006
well, we had a huge smoothie for breakfast,

enchiladas for lunch,

enchilads for dinner

truffles and almond milk shake for snack

going okay so far, he is detoxing a bit, no acid reflux and no sinus issues thought, that's a good thing.

March 18, 2006

Well, happy birthday to me
we had smoothies with berries, and bananas and orange and peach

lunch was pesto stuffed mushrooms and flax crackers, with salsa

snack was a huge plate of fresh fruit

dinner was a taco salad, he loved it, yes!!
snack was truffles and almond milk shake.

March 19, 2006

Breakfast:
smoothie
banana
grapefruit
peach
raspberries

snack:
oranges
banana
kiwivdates

lunch
tostado
burger patty
lettuce
onion
tomato
salsa
cashew sour cream

snack:
more fruit

dinner:
large taco salad, with all the trimmings,

snack
almond milk shake

March 20, 2006

Breakfast was cashew and honey milk shake

snack was
orange
kiwi
date
banana plate

lunch was large salad
pine nuts
almonds
walnuts
orange
tangerine
banana
carrott

snack was
orange
banana
kiwi
dates

dinner was
pesto stuffed mushrooms
spaghetti
crusty garlic bread
butter
parmesian cheese sprinkles
ice cream
all raw of course

he LOVED it.

March 21, 2006

Breakfast:
smoothie

snack
orange
banana
kiwi
dates
tangerine

lunch:
burgers
burger patty
onion bread
lettuce
tomato
white onion
mustard
mayo

snack:
orange
banana
kiwi

dinner:
almond milk shake
truffles
salad
almonds
red pepper
burger patty
taco salsa
cashew sour cream

March 22, 2006

Breakfast:
cashew milk shake with dates

snack:
orange
pineapple
kiwi
dates
tangerine
lunch
apple pie
cashew milkshake
burgers
burger patty
onion
bread
white onion
lettuce
tomatoe
mustard
mayo

snack:
oranges

dinner:
meatloaf
bar-b-que sauce

snack:
cashew milk shake

March 23, 2006
breakfast:
almond milk shake

snack:
orange
banana
kiwi
dates
almonds
walnuts

lunch
small green salad
lemon

snack
cashew milk shake
truffles

dinner
stir dry
cauliflower
celtic sea salt
olive oil
spices
pea pods
mushrooms
red pepper
brocolli
celery
carrotts
cashews

snack:
truffles

March 24, 2006

breakfast:
fruit smoothie
berries
banana
orange
apple

snack
apple
orange
banana

lunch
stir dry
cauliflower
olive oil
mushroom
celtic sea salt
spices
carrott
celery
pea pods
red pepper

snack:
cashew milk shake
honey

dinner:
spaghetti
meatballs
marinara sauce
pine nut ricotta
flax crackers
sun dried tomatoe cheese

snack:
banana ice cream

March 25, 2006

breakfast:
banana
orange
kiwi

snack:
honey almonds

lunch
enchilada
cashew sour cream
salsa

snack
honey almonds
almond milk shake

dinner:
enchiladas
cashew sour cream
corn chips
salsa

snack:
popcorn
butter

March 26, 2006

Breakfast:
banana
orange
kiwi

snack
banana

lunch
almond milk shake

snack:
truffles

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
pesto stuffed mushrooms

snack
truffles
almond milk shake
ice cream sandwich

March 27, 2006

Breakfast:
almond milk shake

snack:
banana

lunch:
garden salad
greens
purple cabbage
red pepper
cauliflower
pine nuts
almonds
walnuts
cashews
lemon
olive oil
spices

snack:
orange juice

dinner:
garden salad
greens
red pepper
corn
salsa
cashew sour cream
burger patty

snack:
orange

March 28, 2006

Breakfast:
orange

snack:
banana

lunch:
kiwi

snack:
orange

dinner:
almond milk shake

snack:
almond milk shake

March 29, 2006

Breakfast:
omelet
"cheese"
"sausage"
orange juice

snack:
orange juice

lunch:
orange juice

snack:
orange juice

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
pesto stuffed zucchini
pesto stuffed mushrooms

snack: almond milk shake

March 30, 2006

Breakfast:
camomile tea:
orange
kiwi
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
pineapple

snack
pineapple

dinner:
pineapple
orange
banana

snack:
pineapple

March 31, 2006

Breakfast:
pineapple
orange

snack:
pineapple

lunch
camomile tea
salad
greens
tomato
lemon wedges
olive oil
spices
almond
pinenuts

snack:
pineapple

dinner:
stir dry
pea pods
mushrooms
red pepper
carrott
celery
olive oil
celtic sea salt
spices

snack:
orange

April 1, 2006

Breakfast:
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

dinner:
rawviolies
meat balls
marinara sauce

snack:
almond milk shake

April 2, 2006
Breakfast:
banana

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

dinner:
rawviolies
marinar sauce
meat balls

April 3, 2006

Breakfast:
ice cream sandwich
banana
chocolate cookies

snack:
banana

lunch:
garden salad
greens
tomatoes
pinenuts
honey mustard dressings

snack:
ice cream sandwich

dinner:
ice cream sandwich
garden salad
greens
tomato
pinenuts
honey mustard dressing

April 4, 2006

Breakfast:
ice cream sandwich

snack:
ice cream sandwich

lunch:
snack
ice cream sandwich
garden salad
greens
tomato
pinenuts
honey mustard dressing

snack:
ice cream sandwich

dinner:
enchilada
cashew sour cream
salsa

snack:
ice cream sandwich

April 5, 2006

Breakfast:
frappuccino
brazil nut milk
dates
cacoa nibs
cinnamon

snack:
ice cream sandwich

lunch:
enchilada
salsa
cashew sour cream
pesto stuffed mushrooms

snack:
ice cream sandwich
frappuccino
brazil nut milk
dates
cacao nibs
cinnamon

dinner:
almond milk shake

April 6, 2006

Breakfast:
almond milk shake

snack:
almond milk shake

lunch:
banana
orange
pineapple

snack:
chocolate mousse

dinner: chocolate mousse
rawviolies
marinara sauce
pesto stuffed mushrooms

snack:
chocolate mousse

April 7, 2006

Breakfast:
almond milk shake

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
chocolate mousse
enchilada
cashew sour cream
salsa

snack:
chocolate mousse frozen

dinner:
stir dry
cauliflower
pea pods
celery
carrots
mushrooms
red pepper
olive oil
spices
celtic sea salt

snack:
almond milk shake

April 8, 2006

Breakfast:
almond milk shake

snack:
chocolate mousse frozen

lunch:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
pesto stuffed mushrooms

snack:
almond milk shake

dinner:
pineapple
orange
banana
almonds
walnuts
pinenuts

snack:
almond milk shake

April 9, 2006

Breakfast:
orange
pineapple
kiwi

snack:
almond milk shake

lunch:
enchiladas
salsa
cashew sour cream

snack:
chocolate mousse in ice cream sandwich

dinner;
rawviolies,
marinara sauce
pesto stuffed mushrooms
pine nut ricotta
spinach salad
red pepper
pine nuts
honey mustard dressing
chocolate mousse parfait

snack:
almond milk shake

April 10, 2005

Breakfast:
jasmin tea
pineapple
orange

snack:
black olives
pineapple

lunch:
chocolate mousse
pineapple
black olives

snack:
brazil nuts
chocolate mousse

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
pesto stuffed mushrooms
small salad
dressing
almonds
sunflower seeds

snack:
pineapple
black olives

April 11, 2006

Breakfast:
pineapple
green tea

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
salad
dressing
tomatoe
sunflower seeds
white onion
spices

snack:
chocloate ice cream sandwich

dinner:
chips
cashew sour cream
salsa
burger patty

snack:
pineapple
orange
black olives

April 12, 2006

Breakfast:
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
burger patty
mustard
white onion
lettuce
pickle
onion bread

snack:
almond milkshake

dinner:
pineapple
black olives

April 13, 2006

Breakfast:
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

dinner:
ravioli
marinara sauce
pesto stuffed mushroom
snack:
pineapple

April 14, 2006

Breakfast:
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

dinner:
burger pattie
onion bread
dijon mustard
white onion
lettuce
pickle
almond milkshake

April 15, 32006

Breakfast:
pineapple

lunch:
garlic toaste
flax crackers
strawberry lemonaid
cinnmon rolls
pad that
salad
rawnch dressing
pomodoro
teriyaki
pesto
and oodles of noodles
Rawkinlocs great class
yummy

no need for snack or dinner
was way too full from the great lunch I ate. yummy

April 16, 2006

Breakfast:
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
corn chowder
ice cream
chocolate cookie

snack:
apple
orange
pineapple

dinner:
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

April 17, 2006

Breakfast:
1/2 cup tea

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
creamy corn chowder

snack:
pineapple
lack olives

dinner:
pineapple
chocolate mousse ice cream

April 18, 2006

Breakfast:
tea
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

dinner:
corn chips
cashew sour cream
salsa

snack:
ice cream
chocolate cookie

April 19, 2006

Breakfast:
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

dinner:
rawviolies
pesto stuffed mushrooms
marinara sauce

April 20, 2006

Breakfast:
camomile tea
pineapple

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
pesto stuffed mushrooms

snack:
chocolate mousse ice cream

dinner:
burger pattie
lettuce
white onion
mustard
onion bread
pesto stuffed mushrooms

snack:
black olives

April 21, 2006

Breakfast:
water

snack:
banana

lunch:
water

snack:
almond milkshake

dinner:
water

snack:
black olvies

wasn't real hungry today, worked really hard outside, so didn't have alot of time to eat. maybe that is why.

But just wasn't hungry, hummm

April 22, 2006

Breakfast:
strawberry leaf tea

snack:
1/2 banana

Lunch:
orange
chocolate coconut chew Lara bar

snack:
ginseng peppermint tea

Dinner:
rawviolie
marinara sauce
cayenne pepper
pinepple
all dehydrated together it was super delicious

April 23, 2006

Breakfast:

strawberry leaf tea

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
almond milkshake

snack:
1/4 cup pinenuts

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
pineapple

snack:
cinnamon rolls

April 24, 2006

Breakfast
strawberry leaf tea
pepino

snack:
cinnamon roll

lunch:
mini pizza consisting of
onion bread
marinara sauce
sun dried tomatoes
basil
turnip
pineapple
olive
gooey stringy pizza cheese

snack:
black olives

dinner:
cinnamon roll

April 25, 2006

Breakfast:
strawberry leaf tea

Lunch:
cantaloup
pineapple

Dinner:
mini pizza
onion bread
marinara sauce
sun dried tomatoes
turnup
oregano
basil
pine nuts
macademia nuts
pineapple
black olives
gooey pizza cheese
mmmmmm yummy

had lots of energy today, didn't eat until way late, and I just couldn't stop working physically, until I ate, then I felt heavy, even with fruit. I like fasting during the day, I get alot done.

April 26, 2006

Breakfast:
cinnamon roll

snack:
fresh fruit plate
apple
kiwi
orange

lunch:
creamy corn chowder

snack:
black olives

April 27, 2006

Breakfast:
strawberry leaf tea
cinnamon roll

snack:
Pineapple

lunch:
cinnamon roll

snack:
pineapple
black olives

dinner:
mini pizza
with onion bread
marianar sauce
black olives
pineapple
sun dried tomatoes

snack:
black olives

April 28, 2006

Breakfast:
strawberry leaf tea

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
burger patty
onion bread
mustard dressing
white onion
lettuce
pickle
tomato

snack:
black olive

April 29, 2006

Breakfast:
strawberry tea

Snack:
butterscotch ice cream

Snack:
black olives
pineapple

Dinner:
Creamy corn chowder

Snack:
butterscotch ice cream

April 30, 2006

Breakfast:
ginger tea

snack:
orange

lunch:
butterscotch ice cream

snack:
black olives

dinner:
corn chowder

snack:
cinnamon roll
ginger tea

YEP, I'm here, keepin' on keepin' on.
May 1, 2006

Breakfast:
almond milkshake
grapefruit
cinnamon roll

ate really late in fact Breakfast was at 10:30 at night LOL

But some days are like that, you eat alot all day long, or you eat just a bit, I had just a bit today, but will probably scarf tomorrow, that is usually the way it is with me.

Bought a nice set of knives today and some really cool chef stuff.

Getting reafy for Alissa's class, and then gonna' do some of my own soon too.

getting psyched about it, I love food prep and I need more pics too.

May 2, 2006

Breakfast:
ginger tea
pineapple

snack:
grapefruit

lunch:
tostada
burger pattie
cumin
chili
lettuce
onion
tomato
onion bread
salsa

snack:
ice cream

dinner:
pineapple

May 3, 2006

Breakfast:
ginger tea
pineapple

snack:
grapefruit

lunch:
creamy corn chowder

snack:
almond milkshake

dinner:
mini pizza
onion bread
marinara sauce
turnip
macademia nut cheese
basil
oregano
pineapple
black olive

snack:
almond milkshake

May 4, 2006

Breakfast:
ginger tea

snack:
ice cream

lunch:
ginger tea

snack:
pineapple

dinner:
tostada
onion bread
burger pattie
lettuce
tomatoe
white onion
salsa

snack:
pineapple

May 5, 2006

I had a great RAW day,

went to a bar-b-que at some friends, and I must admit, the charcoal broiling smelled very good, they had many different kinds of food there, and they had these wonderful spring rools, with fresh made hot dressing, Of course, I didn't eat any, as it was all cooked.

I brought a Mediteranian salad, with tomatoes, white onion, black olives, hot peppers, pine nuts and oil and lemon juice dressing with basil, eveyone loved it, it went really fast.

then I also too a fresh fruit salad, banana, apple, pineapple and mineolas.

Breakfast:
ginger tea

snack:
ice cream

lunch:
watermelon
cantaloup

snack:
pineapple
Mediteranian Salad

dinner:
creamy corn chowder

snack:
ice cream
black olives

May 6, 2006

Breakfast:
ginger tea

snack:
pineapple

dinner:
creamy corn chowder

<

May 7, 2006

Breakfast:
banana

snack:
banana

lunch:
banana
green salad
tomatoe
black olives

snack:
oranges

snack:
ice cream

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
black olives

May 8, 2006

Breakfast:
ginger tea

snack:
grapefruit

lunch:
pineapple

snack:
black olives

dinner:
burger pattie
onion bread
tomato
white onion
lettuce
mustard

snack:
ice cream

May 9, 2006

breakfast:
ginger tea

snack:
orange

lunch:
salald
greens
mushrooms
tomatoe
black olives
green onion
dressing

snack:
orange
apple
grapes

dinner:
tostada
barley burger
chilis
lettuce
onion bread
white onion
tomato
salsa
pico-de galo

snack:
ice cream

May 10, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
orange

lunch:
pineapple
black olives
pine nuts

dinner:
creamy corn chowder

snack:
creamy corn chowder
black olives

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
pineapple

snack:
black olives

Lunch:
pineapple

dinner:
tostada
burger patty
lettuce
white onion
tomato
salsa

snack:
ice cream

May 12, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
cantaloup

lunch:
pineapple

dinner:
garden salad
tomato
black olives

snack:
ice cream

May 13, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
pineapple

lunch:
cantaloup
pineapple

dinner:
black olives
ginger
garlic
white onion
red pepper
celery
brocolli
celery
cauliflower
mushrooms

snack:
cinnamon roll

May 14, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
pineapple

lunch:
almond milkshake

dinner:
stir dry
nama shoyu
ginger
garlic
dates
celery
cauliflower
brocolli
carrot
red pepper
mushrooms
bean sprouts
snow peas
cabbage

snack:
almond milkshake

May 15, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng peppermint tea
pineapple

snack:
cinnamon roll

lunch:
almond milkshake

snack:
black olives

dinner:
stir dry
bean sprouts
cauliflower
brocolli
celery
mushrooms
red pepper
cabbage
pea pods
ginger
garlic

snack:
ice cream
orange

May 16, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng peppermint tea
pineapple

lunch:
garden salad
greens
tomato
pinenuts
black olives

May 17, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea

lunch:
almond milkshake

snack:
pineapple

dinner:
corn chowder

May 18, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
pineapple

lunch:
salad
greens
black olives
tomato
pinenuts
dressing

dinner:
burger patty
pesto stuffed mushrooms

snack:
chocolate mousse ice cream

May 19, 2006

breakfast:
ginseng tea
pineapple

snack:
orange

lunch:
creamy corn chowder

snack:
black olives
orange

dinner:
taco salad
onion bread
burger patty
tomatoe
white onion
lettuce
black olives
salsa

snack:
chocolate mousse ice cream

May 20, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
pineapple

snack:
black olives

lunch:
cinnamon roll

snack:
banana

dinner:
burger
onion bread
olives
pickles
mustard
lettuce
white onion
tomato

snack:
brownies
black olives

May 21, 2006

Breakfast:
Ginseng tea
orange juice
brownie

lunch:
brownies
orange juice

snack:
orange juice
brownie

dinner:
burger patty
onion bread
white onion
tomato
lettuce
pickle
mustard

May 22, 2006

breakfast:
ginseng tea
oranges

snack:
oranges

lunch:
oranges

snack:
oranges

dinner:
burger patty
onion bread
white onion
tomatoe
mustard sauce
lettuce
pest stuffed mushrooms

May 23, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea

snack:
pineapple
chocolate nut milk shake

lunch:
creamy corn chowder

snack:
orange juice
black olives
brownies

dinner:
creamy corn chowder

May 24, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
orange juice

snack:
brownies

lunch:
burger patty
onion/celery bread
mustard
white onion
tomatoe
pickle
lettuce

snack:
brownies
ice cream

dinner:
salad
greens
tomato
black olives
mushrooms

snack:
black olives
orange juice

May 25, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
brownies

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup

snack:
oranges

dinner;
creamy mushroom soup
ice cream

snack:
black olives

May 26, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
cinnamon roll

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup

dinner:
burger
onion bread
tomatoe
mustard
pickle
lettuce
dressing

snack:
brownie
ice cream
orange juice

May 27, 2006

breakfast
ginseng tea

snack:
oranges

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup

dinner:
black olives
orange juice
almond milkshake

Thought I'd try posting as I go along today

May 28, 2006

11:00 am
1 cup ginseng peppermint tea

1:00 pm
1 1/2 peaches (small and delicious)

will come back and write more as my day progresses.

very cold nad windy here, gray skies, dreary weather, good day to get alot of work done, writing, etc.

going into town to buy some tomatoes, on sale for $.88 per pound for on the vine, they are super ripe red and delicious, mmmmmmmmmmm

gonna make up a bunch of marinara sauce and freeze it in 2 cup portions for later. gotta' buy when they are ripe, ours won't be ripe for months.

I have been really wanting some of my favorite Chinese food (cooked) spring rolls with ginger sauce, wontons(vegetarian) etc.

So, I told Dragggon (not being serious) that I wanted some of this stuff, and he said, "they are closed for the Holiday", so I said, "let's go after the Holiday" and he said "every day is a Holiday." LOL he's so funny, but he'll do anything in his power to keep me raw.

So, while we were at the store, I wanted to get some kind of fun special treat that I usually don't get, yesterday, Dragggon bought me peaches, I won't buy them because they are too expensive, (in my opinion) and so he waits till he is alone, and buys me things like that. LOL

anyway, I saw these incredibly fresh looking bean spruts, and I thought hummm well, I'll just make my own chinese spring rolls, so I did

bought some stuff, came home and made them and they were soooo good.

5:00PM
Lunch
1 1/2 spring rolls
1 1/2 cabbage leaves
bean sprouts
mushrooms
carrots
snap peas
nama shoyu
agave nectar
ginger
garlic
orange juice
cayenne pepper

nummersssssssssss

7:45 PM
snack:
1 cup pineapple

9:30 PM
dinner:
creamy mushroom soup

11;30 PM
snack:
brownie
ginseng tea

May 29, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
orange

snack:
orange

lunch:
cinnamon roll
orange juice

snack:
black olives
orange juice

dinner:
garden salad
letttuce
red pepper
white onion
pine nuts

May 30, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
orange juice

snack:
black olive

lunch:
burger patty

snack:
brazil nuts

lunch:
garden salad
greens
red pepper
pine nuts
lemon juice
black olives

snack:
orange juice

dinner:
burger patty
marinara sauce

snack:
brownies
orange juice

May 31, 2006

Breakfasst:
ginseng tea
orange juice

snack:
black olives

lunch:
burger patty
marinara sauce

snack:
black olives
orange juice

snack:
orange juice

dinner:
creamy mushroom soup
black olives

snack:
brownies
orange juice

June 1, 2006

Breakfast:
gensing tea
orange juice

snack:
black olives
orange juice

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup
black olives

snack:
black olives
orange juice

dinner:
brazil nuts

June 2, 2006

breakfast:
gensing tea

snack:
oranges

lunch:
pine nuts
brazil nuts
walnuts
burger patty
brownies

dinner:
garden salad
black olives

June 3, 2006

breakfast:
strawberries
raspberries
mango
orange
banana
watermelon
fruit plate

lunch:
burger
brazil nuts

dinner:
brownies

June 4, 2006

breakfast:
strawberries
watermelon
banana
orange
honeydew
cantaloup
raspberries

lunch:
burger
brazil nuts
pinenuts
walnuts

dinner:
brownies

June 5, 2006

breakfast:
strawberries
raspberries
banana
orange
kiwi

lunch:
salad
red pepper
white onion
corn
basil

June 6, 2006

Breakfast:
gensing tea
orange

snack:
strawberries

lunch:
creamy corn chowder

dinner:
creamy corn chowder
ice cream

snack:
brownies
gensing tea

June 7, 2006

I woke up to a gloriously beautiful day,

breakfast:
1 cup of fresh sun tea
2 mangos

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup

dinner:
2 more mangos

snack:
sun tea
walnuts
brownie
mmmmmmmmmm

worked hard today, washed both cars, and weeded part of one of the strawberry gardens, yesterday we weeded the High Priestess temple, and I also painted the deck chairs, and did all my regular work too. Busy busy, getting ready for the big Party this summer YES!!!
did a long reading 1.5 hours, and went to town, can't believe we got all of that done in one day. WOW.

life is grand

June 8, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea

snack:
orange

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup

snack:
almond milkshake

dinner:
Creamy mushroom soup

snack:
brownies
ginseng tea

June 9, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
mango

snack:
mango

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup

snack:
mango

dinner:
mango
creamy mushroom soup

snack:
ginseng tea
brownies

June 10, 2006

Breakfast:
gensing tea
pineapple

lunch:
pineapple

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
burger patty

June 11, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
pineapple

lunch:
burger patty
onion bread
mayo
mustard
lettuce
white onion
tomato

dinner:
pineapple
brownie
almond milkshake

June 12, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea

lunch:
burger
onion bread
mayo
mustard
tomato
white onion
lettuce

dinner:
almond milkshake
mango

snack:
brownie

June 13, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
mango

snack:
mango

lunch:
burger onion bread
mayo
mustard
tomato
white onion
lettuce

dinner:
almond milk shake

snack:
orange juice
black olives

June 14, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
mango

snack:
orange
strawberries

lunch:
strawberries

snack:
strawberries

dinner:
rawviolies
maranara sauce
pesto stuffed mushrooms

snack:
strawberries

June 15, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
orange

snack:
strawberries

lunch:
creamy corn chowder

snack:
strawberries

dinner:
strawberries
mango
orange
banana
pineapple

snack:
black olives
orange juice

June 16, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
strawberries

snack:
strawberries
oranges

lunch:
strawberries
oranges
mango
pineapple

snack:
pineapple
mango

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
pesto stuffed mushrooms

snack:
black olives
orange juice

June 17, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
mango

lunch:
burger patty
onion bread
white onion
tomato
lettuce

dinner:
pineapple
black olives
orange juice
mango

June 18, 2006

breakfast:
ginseng tea
mango

lunch:
burger patty
onion bread
mayo mustard
pickle

dinner:
brownie
walnuts
almond milk shake

black olives
orange juice

June 19, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
cherries fresh from our trees

snack:
strawberries
mango
cherries

lunch:
raviolies
marinara sauce

dinner:
orange juice
black olives

June 20, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
pineapple

lunch:
strawberries

snack:
creamy mushroom soup

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
chocolate mouse
pineapple

June 21, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
pineapple

snack:
black olives
walnuts

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup

snack:
strawberries

dinner:
burger
onion bread
tomato
white onion
mustard
mayo
pickle

snack:
brownie
walnuts
pinenuts
cherries

June 22, 2006

breakfast:
ginseng tea
pineapple

snack:
cherries
raspberries
strawberries
pineapple

lunch:
strawberries
cherries
pineapples

snack:
strawberries
raspberries
cherries

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
creamy mushroom soup

snack:
pineapple
strawberries
cherries

June 23, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng

snack:
cherries
strawberries

lunch:
strawberries
cherries

snack:
cherries
strawberries

dinner:
raviolies
marinara sauce
creamy mushroom sauce
strawberries

snack:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
strawberries
chocolate decadance
brazil nuts

June 24, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng

lunch:
pizza
coleslaw
cinnamon roll
taco in romain leaf

dinner:
cherries
pizza

June 25, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng peppermint tea
banana
cherries
strawberries
mango

lunch:
pizza
marinara sauce
gooey pizza cheese
mushrooms
yellow pepper
kalamata olives
pineapple

snack:
almond milkshake

dinner:
pizza
marinara sauce
gooey pizza cheese
red and yellow pepper
mushroom
kalamata olives
pineapple

snack:
mango
cherries

June 26, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
mango

snack:
almond milk shake

lunch:
pizza
marianara sauce
yellow pepper
mushroom
kalama olives
pineapple

snack:
mango

dinner:
creamy corn chowder

snack:
mango

June 27, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
mango

snack:
orange juice

lunch:
raviolies
marinara sauce

snack:
chocolate pudding

dinner:
raspberries

snack:
orange juice

June 28, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea

snack:
almond milk shake

lunch:
rawviolies
marinara sauce

snack:
black olives orange juice

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce

snack:
chocolate pudding

I had way too much fat today, I feel terrible.

I was up all night with a gallbladder attack, the worst one yet. I can barely handle this.

June 29, 2006

Breakfast:
2 oz. orange juice

lunch:
nothing

dinner:
4 oz. orange juice

I have never felt so bad in my life, terrible excrusiating pain, slept most of the day, well, tried to sleep anyway, I just laid there.

June 30, 2006

Breakfast:
cherries

lunch:
almond milkshake w/3 dates

dinner:
3 mushrooms
pea pods

still feel pretty bad, but did eat some today.

July 1, 2006

lunch:
carrot

dinner:
pineapple

snack:
raspberries

July 2, 2006

breakfast:
ice water

snack:
fresh raspberries off our vines mmmmmmmmmm

lunch:
1 cup almond milk and 3 dates in a shake

dinner:
12 ounce glass of orange juice

snack:
mango

July 3, 2006

Breakfast:
2 cups orange juice

snack:
3 cherries off the trees

lunch:
1 cup almond milk
3 dates

dinner:
bowl of fresh picked cherries

July 4, 2006

Breakfast:
couple bites honeydew melon

lunch:
lemonaid

dinner:
lemonaid

We had our big party today, so wasn't hungry, way too busy to be eating all day. LOL

What a blast that was, so very cool. YES!!!

July 5, 2006

Breakfast:
1 cup ginseng tea

Lunch:
2 cups Honeydew melon
1 cup pineapple
1/2 cup mango

Dinner:
2 cups watermelon

July 6, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
cherries

lunch:
almond milk
dates

dinner:
burger patty
onion bread
lettuce
tomato
onion
mustard
pickle

July 7, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea

lunch:
cherries

Dinner:
mini pizza
crust
marinara sauce
gooey pizza cheese
black olives
white onion
red pepper

snack:
watermelon

July 8, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea

lunch:
cherries
coconut
pineapple
mango

dinner:
mini pizza
crust
pizza sauce
cheese sauce
mushrooms
olive
white onion
jallepeno peppers
red peppers
yellow peppers

July 9, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea

lunch:
cherries
coconut
pineapple
mango

dinner:
mini pizza
crust
pizza sauce
cheese sauce
mushrooms
olive
white onion
jallepeno peppers
red peppers
yellow peppers

July 10, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
peach

lunch:
cherrie
pineapple
mango
plum

dinner:
mini pizza
crust
pizza sauce
cheese sauce
mushrooms
olive
white onion
jallepeno peppers
red peppers
yellow peppers

July 11, 2006

breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
rawviolies
marianara sauce

dinner:
coconut
pineapple

Thu Jul 13, 2006 5:19pm

Well I've been raw 120 days today, July 12, 2006

it feels great. I am so blessed to be able to eat this way, to be able to buy all the food I need and to have Dragggon grow so much of it too.

I am loving coconut now, never ate it really before, oh, yes, I had a bite here and there, but never really ate it, but now I love it. I am eating mostly fruit now, and when we go out, I just have herb tea, with warm water, it's so much easier than trying to eat a wilted ice berg lettuce salad with canned olives, and old mushrooms, just not for me.

I am starting to really enjoy my food and I don't want to waste eating anything that I don't truly love.

That's funny for me to say, as food wasn't ever anything that I would think of NOT eating. LOL

Strange how food used to be my best friend, and lover and comfort in all things, and for all reasons.

I really feel freedom with eating raw foods, I feel like I can choose to eat or not.

I've decided to stop eating the black olives that I love so much, as when I don't eat them, I feel great, and when I do eat them, the next day, I am all stuffy, like I've eaten dairy, I know they are raw, but maybe in the curing they have something that my body doesn't like, I can also feel a puffiness, like a water retension the next day, I know they have alot of salt. And I'm not interested in feeling all bloated or puffed up. So, I'm just not going to eat them.

July 12, 2006

breakfast:
ginseng tea

lunch:
mango
coconut
pineapple

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce

snack:
orange juice

July 13, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea

snack:
pineapple
mango
cherries
raspberries

lunch:
raspberries
pineapple
mango
coconut

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce

snack:
orange juice

July 14, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

snack:
raspberries

lunch:
mango
pineapple

snack:
coconut

dinner:
burger patty
lettuce
white onion
tomato
pickle
mayo
mustard
onion bread

snack:
pineapple
cherries

July 15, 2006

Breakfast:
gensing tea
pineapple

snack:
cherries

lunch:
mango
orange juice

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce

snack:
orange juice

July 16, 2006

breakfast:
gensing tea
orange juice

snack:
pineapple

lunch:
rawviolies
marinara sauce

snack:
orange juice

dinner:
orange juice

snack:
pineapple

July 17, 2006

breakfast:
gensing tea:
orange juice

snack:
cherries

lunch:
cherries
pineapple

snack:
cherries

dinner:
herbed cheese (inside of rawviolies)

snack:
orange juice

July 18, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
coconut

lunch:
coconut

dinner:
cheese (nut)

July 19, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
coconut

lunch:
rawviolie
marinara sauce

dinner:
coconut
almond milkshake

July 20, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea
coconut

lunch:
rawviolies
marinara sauce

snack:
coconut
plums OH baby!!! yummmmmmy

dinner:
creamy corn chowder

Fri Jul 21, 2006 6:40pm

I eat whatever feel like eating, but it's mostly fruit, with usually one small meal of prepaired foods.

today I had:

Breakfast:
1 cup ginseng tea
1/4 cup coconut

snack:
1 cup almond milk
3 1/2 dates

lunch:
5 rawviolies (turnips & nuts)
1/4 cup marinara sauce (tomatoes & herbs)

snack:
1 plum
2 small pickled cucumber
12 oz. orange juice
1/4 cup pineapple

dinner:
4 oz. orange juice
1/2 brownie (walnuts, dates, cacao powder)
1/4 cup pecans

so you can see the only thing I ate that wasn't fruit, was the cacao powder, the turnip, ginseng tea and some herbs, everything else is fruit.

I find this works best for me.

I just eat when I want, what I want, and I ate alot today compared to most days.

July 22, 2006

Breakfast:
ginseng tea

lunch:
pineapple
coconut

dinner:
water

July 23, 2006

breakfast:
ginseng tea
pineapple

lunch:
pineapple

dinner:
marinated mushrooms
rawviolies
marinara sauce

snack:
pineapple

July 24, 2006

breakfast:
ginseng tea
pineapple

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup

dinner:
cherries
orange juice
pineapple

July 25, 2006

breakfast:
ginseng tea
coconut

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup

dinner:
cherries
orange juice
coconut

July 26, 2006

breakfast:
ginseng tea

dinner:
orange juice
coconut

July 27, 2006

breakfast:
ginseng tea

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup

dinner:
cherries
orange juice
coconut

July 28, 2006

breakfast:
water

dinner:
coconut

My boyfriend of almost 5 years let me know this morning that he was unhappy and leaving me. I am unbelievably depressed and in shock. I had no idea that he was unhappy at all.

July 29, 2006

breakfast:
water

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup

dinner:
peach

July 30. 2006

breakfast:
water

lunch:
orange juice

dinner:
grapes

July 31, 2006

breakfast:
water

lunch:
orange juice

dinner:
grapes

August 1, 2006

Breakfast:
water

lunch:
orange juice

dinner:
water

August 2, 2006

Breakfast:
water

lunch:
plum

dinner:
grapes
orange juice

August 3, 2006

Breakfast:
water

lunch:
coconut

dinner:
grapes

August 4, 2006

Breakfast:
water

lunch:
water

dinner:
coconut meat
orange juice
water

August 5, 2006

Breakfast:
water

Lunch:
honeydew melon
black berries
carrots
celery

dinner:
ice cream
water

Yesterday, I went to a totally cool party at a friend's invitation.

We drove up to Seattle, to the Beacon hill district and went to the "weird house" party, and YES it was, they had musicians, yo-yo ists, artists, writers, and just plain goth people, people were in costumes, it was sooooooo cool, I wore my black leggings, and black halter top, with a beautiful silk kimono as a jacket, I looked hot!

Lots of good food, although I didn't go for the food, and the house and the decorating was totally wild. I mean unbelievable, made my house look TAME, which is hard to do.

Anyway, after we got back to my friend's house after the party, we chatted and visited and talked about everything under the sun, it was a glorious day.

Then I got in my car and drove home, and I was thinking about coming home to my house with only me as the human there, and I started to have these cravings, for wheat and dairy, (I won't be specific) I just kept driving, I thought about this food, and I thought about how it would numb my feelings of being alone, and without my partner.

I thought about how far I'd come with my raw eating, my lifestyle choices, and everything, and non of that seemed to matter enough to keep me on the raw track.

I thought about my life before raw, when I was in a bliss filled relationship, I thought about my dreams, hopes, wishes and passions, I thought about everything that I am now, and that I was before.

And eating cooked seemed okay, in fact it seemed like the perfect way to end my day.

It called to me.

It begged me.

I was emersed in my addiction, the voices were outside of me, and inside of me.

I was almost in a trance of addictive behavior.

It was over powering.

I felt like I would litterally die, if I didn't get my cooked wheat and dairy fix.

I was Jonesing bad!!!

Then I thought about laying in bed for several days, with a gall bladder attack, the immense pain that accompanies it. and I realized that I had the most beautiful gift in the world, with that pain.

I could never understand it before, but that unbearable excrusiating gall bladder pain that I had experienced so many times, was my salvation.

I NEVER want to experience that pain again, and every time I have wanted to eat cooked, every time I have had the desire to eat cooked, every single time, I think about that pain, and I am able to stay raw.

So, I embrace that pain, I LOVE that pain, I am so happy that the pain was in my life, because it is keeping me raw.

Now, I can embrace the other pains that I have had in my life, I can embrace the childhood abuse, I can embrace the relationship breakups, I can embrace being fired from jobs, I can embrace the agony of abandonment, because it is very clear in my mind, what I no longer want, and it keeps me on my chosen path.

I am blessed.

August 6, 2006

Breakfast:
water

lunch:
orange juice

dinner:
water

August 7, 2006

Breakfast:
herbal tea

lunch:
orange juice

dinner:
coconut

August 8, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
water

dinner:
burger patty
onion bread
tomato
onion
lettuce
pickle
mustard
mayo
water

August 9, 2006

Breakfast:
peach

lunch:
orange juice

dinner:
peach

I realize that I am not eating very much, I'm just not hungry.

I actually worked really hard in the gardens weeding today. My new gardener was here, she's great, a nice young woman.

I worked really hard, and I liked it, it was nice to feel useful and tired, and to accomplish something tangible (other than writing).

I did alot of errands, and sold some jewelry, have it all marked at 1/2 price, so I sold a few things.

Got to chat with Charlene today, it was great, she gave me a beautiful reading.

All of my friends are so supportive. I am blessed.

I suppose I need to attempt to eat more food, it just doesn't seem to be something I wish to do.

Food doesn't excite me at all these days, I think I should just eat what I want, and not worry about the nutrition, I'm going to let my body worry about all of that

August 10, 2006

Breakfast:
peach

lunch:
orange juice

dinner:
2 peaches

August 11, 2006

Breakfast:
fresh ripe peaches, mmmmmmmm

snack:
strawberries
blackberries

lunch:
orange juice

snack:
orange juice

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce

Eating raw, is second nature now, I don't even think about it. Tomorrow will be 150 days, that seems pretty amazing to me. no cheats. Although I have had a couple of black olives in the last 150 days, on salads, and such, in the beggining I was eating just a bit of bottled salad dressing, two or three times, but I had such a bad reaction to it, YIKES, also it caused me to crave cooked food for days, so now, my salad dressing is lemon juice, which doesn't excite me too much, so I dont eat much salads, mostly fruits.

I love fruit, I bought a whole case of peaches the other day, and it is half gone now.

I've been eating strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries off the vines, and I've been freezing what I can't eat.

so, I'll have plenty for ice cream or smoothies later, or just to eat, whatever.

I love eating raw foods, it just feels right to me.

I know that I am much happier eating raw, no aches and pains, no hot flashes, gosh, it's unbelievable what I don't have while eating raw.

I know that I also don't snore as much, as I don't wake myself up snoring anymore, I'll have to wait until I'm with someone during the night to tell me if it's gone completely or not. LOL

Spirit told me to get my passport, so I will, probably next week, also there is that Fiji property, I may just decide to buy it after all, I had put some money down on it, last year, but I never got over there to pick out the piece, I think I'll go and maybe just buy one, I was thinking about selling, but now, I think I'll go on ahead and get it.

I mean -- why not -- I may LOVE Fiji after all, I thought I wanted it for my bf, but now I think I want it for me.

I do love walking the land, swimming in the ocean, and playing in the sand, I have always said, I'd never move from my lake house, unless I moved to ocean front, well, no time like the present.

I've had a lot of psychic readings lately, and every one of them says I will be rich and famous beyond my wildest dreams, well, that's pretty hard to do, because my widest dreams, are pretty wild alright. LOL

And I also am supposed to have a wonderful loving highly sexual relationship coming in within a few weeks, LOL

Again, I'd rather stay home and watch videos with my dog, but we'll see, that's what I said before I met my last bf, and that was certainly blissfilled for a long while.

But, my life is about learning to love myself, and relationships are all reflections of our own relationship with ourselves, so this may be a good thing.

We'll see, and be open to it, when it happens.

A long time ago, I had a vision, or thought or premonition, that I would live alone for a long time, into old age, but that I would have young hunky gorgeous lovers, all my life, well, so far so good. LOL

Although a few have been not so good looking or perfect, most of them have been rather gorgeous.

I think I want a fun bf, I want someone who likes to go out dancing, and wants to go to street fairs, and parks, and walk in the park, and go on vacation, and go to the beach, and to psychic fairs, and art fairs, and go boating on the sound, in a big boat.

I love to hike, I hate to run, but I do love to do day hikes, I've always liked that.

I also love to walk in the rain, and play in the hot tub in the rain, that's fun.

I also want to get my hot tub fixed, it broke a year or so ago, and I really miss it, it was such a relaxing thing, to go sit in the hot tub, and just be.

I love my hot tub, that I must fix immediately.

and then of course, there's everything else around here, I used to keep up on everything, now I get to catch up. LOL

Well, there's always one more thing to do when you own a house, especially in the country, and especially on a lake, always something

August 12, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
cherries

snack:
yellow pepper

August 13, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
pineapple
peach

dinner:
rawviolie
marinara sauce

Lots of work done in my rental today, still have some to do, but mostly my workers are doing all of it, I am just doing the running around, that's fine, it's too hot to do any work, at least in my opinion.

It's funny, but it seems like I have so much time on my hands, I'm going to take a vacation soon, and that's something I haven't done in years.

I took a vacaction in 1983, and one in 1994 (both honeymoons) LOL

but this time, I'm just going to go to have fun, by myself and my dog. LOL Just for fun, now where shall I go? someplace where no one can find me, and I can be by myself.

I have just recently decided that I am creating my entire Universe, not just my part of it, but also that which is supposedly outside of me, other people, -- but you see there is NO outside of me, there is no "out there", there are no other people.

If I am truly creating my Universe, then I am creating all of it. not just part of it, I am creating all of it.

So you see, I can make it everything I wish.

So, I wish a beautiful life, just as it is now, with my beloved animals and my wonderful gardens, friends, family, and all the joys that I have.

There is nothing else but the experience of living.

I am choosing to forgive myself for my pain, physical and emotional, I am sorry that I have ever hurt anyone, or caused them to feel hurt or pain in any way, and I love all that there is. All that there is, the pain the sorrow the joys.

I am choosing to miss the love of my life, and to forgive myself for all that I have done, and I choose to love myself beyond all measure, to forgive and to love.

This is what I am experiencing and expressing now in my life.

Forgiveness to all, and especially myself, and to love.

I love you.

I don't know if this is a "raw" thing, or an "age" thing, or ANY thing, all I know is I must love all that there is, the pleasure, the pain, the joy, the sorrow, the saddness, the happiness.

All of life is beautiful, and choose to love the beauty of it all.

August 15, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

Lunch:
black olives
orange juice

dinner:
tostadas:
onion bread
barley burger patty
lettuce
tomato
onion
salsa

Well, I had some pics taken today they are on the board, everyone was so nice about how good I look with 70 pounds gone forever.

I was very tempted today to eat cooked food, but I didn't.

I was working on my rental, which is something that he used to do with me, and I used to love working with him.

I really miss talking with him, planning things, talking about our future, what we are going to do, and buy, and build. LOL

I now can just dream big all by myself, but I was missing him alot, and I was thinking about going out to eat at one of our favorite places to eat, and I didn't.

I didn't want to go there, and eat a salad, because I was so afraid that I would eat something cooked. So, I just didn't even go there.

I went to the grocery store instead.

olives from the deli, and orange juice, it was great.

There is a juice bar right around the corner, so that is easy.

Maybe I'll do a pina colada smoothie tomorrow, who knows. LOL

August 16, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
honeydew
cantaloupe
coleslaw
greens
tomatoes
thousand island dressing

dinner:
black olives
orange juice

today was not such a good day, I heard from him, and all he wanted was for me to give him a referance as his landlord. I couldn't believe he actually put me down as a referance.

I am stunned, but then he continues to stunn me by his actions.

I must focus on what I wish in my life, not all of this pain. I had a few seconds that I wasn't thinking about his leaving me, and then the phone call.

I choose to release this with love, and hope that he finds his happiness.

I can't continue this, it just hurts too much.

August 17, 2006

Breakfast:
bowl of cherries
herbal tea

Lunch:
4 almonds
1 peach

I am making rawviolies with marinara sauce for dinner

It is 4PM, and I am attempting to eat more often and more food each day.

although I love the weight loss, I do know that I was using NOT eating as a way to control my environment. and that isn't healthy for me.

Because I have always been an all or nothing type of person, so I am attempting to go where I have never gone before, to a place of balance, being a Pisces, this isn't usually possible, balance isn't really a concept I understand.

However, this balance is my plan, to eat a bit for breakfast, lunch and dinner, instead of fasting all day, then eating all night, or not eating at all, or only eating a tiny bit.

so, I am attempting to eat more each day, and a little bit several times each day

August 18, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice
ginseng tea

lunch:
chocolate pudding
black olives
orange juice

dinner:
tortillas
onion bread
burger patty
lettuce
white onion
tomatoe
salsa

I have been doing alot of soul searching, deciding if I want another relationship, although all my psychic friends, say I WILL have one, as that is my life path, to DEAL with relationship, and yet I'm not so sure I want one.

I was so madly in love with my ex, that I can't imagine being with anyone else ever.

And yet, as I sit here at night, working, I realize that my life hasn't changed that much at all, I'm working, with no relationship, and when my ex was here, it was the same, now who's responsible for that?

I guess it was both our faults, and both our responsibility, and yet, I feel It is totally my reality that needs to change here.

So, IF I ever get into another relationship, each day will be as if it were the first, or I won't do it. Each day will be bliss filled, or I wont' have the relationship at all.

August 19, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
green salad
tomatoes
black olives
cucumber
apple
strawberries
pineapple
watermelon
(fruit salad and green salad)

dinner:
creamy corn chowder mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Today has been a very interesting day. It was hot, but I handled it well, which surprised me, it was 90, and I felt like it was about 75, I was in the shade, but it seemed just warm, not too hot.

The other day, I was out working in the gardens, and it was 87, and I was fine.

So, maybe my thermostat, that couldn't handle anything over 70 is working better to help cool me off, I just LOVE raw. LOL

I also am feeling pretty great about looking better, I put on a dress today, and I looked good in it. LOL

I love that my tummy is finally going down, gosh it was so big for so long, and I just hate that.

Now, I am just curvy and although I'm still big, I don't look bad. I look voluptuous, and curvy and pretty.

I also have decide that I am choosing to work on myself and meditate and do yoga, instead of worrying about going out with any man right now.

I've been flirted with, and asked out, and my friends are trying to set me up with their friends, but I have decided that I really need to get to know myself first, before I can give anything more to any man.

I went back and forth with this for a while, and have finally made my decision, to just be alone for a while.

I will spend my time writing my books, and working on my new painting, plus the house and gardens, LOL, like I don't already have enough to do.

So, here I am at 10 PM at night working on the computer, but you know what, I'm reading two books too, so I am taking some time off, here and there. LOL

I know this doesn't sound like much to normal people, but taking off time to read a book, is REALLY difficult for me to do.

And I'm doing it.

Also, I have made the commitment to myself, to work on ebay only until noon each day, then work only until 6PM on my books, then after that relax and do no work.

I am also going to take at least one vacation each 6 months from now on, and that vacation needs to NOT be about business, only relaxation and pleasure.

so, my life choices have changed, and I think that is a good thing.

August 20, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
water

dinner:
2 tostadas
onion bread
barley burger patties
lettuce
tomatoes
white onion
salsa
yummy

Well, today, I played in my yard, moved a bunch of stuff out to the garage, and opened up my living room again, that I was using as storage for many years.

I love my living room, with the carved rosewood dragon furniture, and the jade insets, I love my fireplace, and I love my gorgeous hand made aubergine persian rug, so now I can actually see them and use that room.

I still need to finish the sheet rock, in fact, I only need to finish 3 rooms, and my house is finished, completely, except minor window wood trim and such, but two rooms need tape and mud and paint, and wood trim, and one room only needs some wood trim, and a couple of doors need some dragon handles and that is it.
I would like to put in two more small decks, one off the hot tub at the master bedroom, and one off my studio by the lake, then I am done, finished, and can live remodleing free, until I decide to add on, so far, I haven't added anything onto the outside of the house, only the inside, and I can always do that anytime.

for now, I juse want to get my yard in order, like it used to be, all trimmed and green and lush and beautiful, and sit in the shade,and relax.

Ahhhhh, I used to love to lay in the grass and look at the lake. I did that just the other day, with my dog, he's my best companion around. LOL

August 21, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

snack:
orange juice

lunch:
cherries

snack:
orange juice

dinner:
pizza
crust
"cheese"
marinara sauce
red pepper
white onion
pineapple
black olives

today, something has shifted while I was out working in the garden.

I realized that I put in gardens not because I wanted them, but because someone else wanted them, so I am taking them out.

stone by stone, shovel by shovel, it will be expensive at first, but it will save me alot of time and energy and money in the long run, as I can just mow the lawn instead of having gardeners take care of everything.

I am going to allow the ivy to grow into the strawberry gardens naturally, and if the grass gets into the strawberries again, then I will buy ivy and plant it, I will also take out the squash garden, as it is huge and very difficult to take care of, I can let that go back to grass too, then the vortex garden, I think I might keep, I might also remove it, I'm not sure, I always thought it would be perfect for some kind of shade cover on that area of my lawn, so who knows.

And the raspberries, I will leave, and the herbs, I will leave, and the trees, but I think the big gardens really need to go

by the time, I take into account, the cost of seed and plants, and the gardeners, and trimming, and weeding and all that, it just isn't cost effective or time effective to pay them to take care of them, also, I can much easier water the lawn and use the lawn instead of little patches of lawn all around, so that is my decision, and that is what I will do.

I did love to go outside and eat out of the garden, but as the homeowner, and the one to take care of the gardens, I needed to make an immediate executive decision on them, they have already cost me hundreds of dollars just to get out the weeds, so now, I can do what I need to do to take care of them myself.

I will still have gardenrs come in to weed, but I will be able to have them come in only once a month and I can do the mowing, or maybe have them do just a bit, but they won't have to work for hours each week, so there you have it.

I am also writing several new books, so busy busy yet again.

I did take some time off today, at noon to play, stopped working on ebay at noon, and although I haven't written anything today, I did think alot about my books

August 22, 2006

breakfast:
Orange juice

snack:
orange juice

lunch:
apple juice

snack:
strawberries

dinner:
pineapple

August 23, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
rawviolies
marinara sauce

dinner:
orange juice
cherries

August 24, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

dinner:
orange juice

NO, I'm not fasting, I just wasn't hungry, alot of emotions happening, plus working on my gardens.

Tore out the "blood altar", LOL the 6 foot outdoor bar-b-que pit, man do I have some room now in the yard. That is nice.

Took out another raised garden by the lake, and now I have some room to actually walk by the lake.

are going to tear out a couple more gardens after the harvest, so I will have some beautiful green lawn to enjoy, and no more weeding, and pulling out grass from the plants.

I will end up with a raspberry garden, a compost pile -- or two -- a rhodie garden, a juniper garden, the small orchard, a couple of herb gardens, I think there are 3 or 4, they are manageable, and then I may keep the vortex garden, I'm not sure, I may end up tearing it out and putting in an enclosure with the Sauna outside, not sure about that yet. I will need to meditate on that

For right now, I'm just trying to get out all the weeds, and get it to a manageble lawn for me.

I have found out -- yet even more interesting things about our life together, and the things that were going on.

I can honestly say, that I am content with my life exactly as it is right now.

This is perfect, and if it stays exactly this way, I will be bliss filled, if it changes--as I'm sure it will, I will continue being bliss filled.

Life is too short to fret and worry about anyone who does not support my magnifisence, and I deserve a lover who supports me, and whom I can support in word and deed.

So, life is good, I am happy, the sun is shining, and I am bliss filled.

August 25, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice
ginseng tea

dinner:
orange juice
cherries

August 26, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
orange juice

dinner:
cherries
rawviolies
marinara sauce
grapes

Augsut 27, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice
grapes
cherries

lunch:
green salad
tomatoes
cucumbers
black olives
lemon juice
olive oil
honeydew melon
cantaloup
greek olives

snack:
almond milkshaked

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
pesto stuffed mushroom

August 28, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
large garden salad
greens
carrots
mushrooms
tomatoes
black olvies
thousand island dressing

dinner:
grapes

had lunch with my friend, it was delightful, so many things to talk about and catch up on, he couldn't believe how much weight I had lost, neither could the waitstaff, as I haven't been there since I weight 72 pounds more than I do now.

They were all so complimentary of my weight loss, I was in heaven.

Although, I must say, that all I can see is the fat that is still there, it seems like there is so much of it, and yet, just a few months ago, I didn't even notice it. hummm

how interesting our body image is.

I have always had a distortion of body image, one day I see someone as tall, dark and handsome, the next day, I see him as feeble, old and grey, same person, different energy. The first time I saw them, I was in love with them, the next, I saw them for who they truly were.

My eyes see beauty in all things, until I find out the truth behind the mask they are wearing, and what is my mask?

Hummm, another good question.

I think that I shall wear a mask all my life, as it serves me well.

I also think that I shall, once again, NOT pursue the other side, but to simply allow them to pursue me when the time is right.

all things come to those who wait, and are centered in their perfect space.

Life is like that. and I have lived long enough to understand it.

when I look upon my lover, I see all my past lovers faces, all of them, interwoven in my new lovers face as if it were a fabric of argyle, with many colors.

I have chosen this path this lifetime, and I shall indeed come through it, with grace and although maybe not ease, I shall come through it.

I have faced much tougher lifetimes than this and continued on my path, this is but a mere reflection of what has gone before, and I will forge on, with each step each breath, it brings me closer to who I am becoming, and yet was never parted from.

I thank you for being part of my experience, and I have only one thing to say, Please forgive me, I am sorry and I love you.

More than you will ever know, more than my heart can break, more than I can dream of futures, past and present of lives not lived, and lives long past, and children unborn to all, there is more and more and more that I can only dream of.

When you are no longer part of me

August 29, 2006

breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
herbal tea

dinner:
almond milkshake
chocolate icecream

having fun today, chatting, working on my book, happy happy, joy joy, sat on the deck, watched the water and relaxed, talked on the phone to several friends.

Today is a good day, not worried, not stressed, just happy to be alive. YES.

many more good things coming my way for sure.

August 30, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
pineapple

dinner:
orange juice

August 31, 2006

breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
strawberries

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce

snack:
pineapple

September 1, 2006

breakfast:
orange juice

dinner:
orange juice

September 2, 2006

breakfast
ginseng tea
orange/mango/pineapple smoothie

lunch:
tacos:
onion bread
burger patty
tomatoe
white onion
salsa

dinner:
pineapple

September 3, 2006

Breakfast
orange juice
mango
pineapple

lunch:
pineapple

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce

September 4, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice
mango
pineapple

lunch:
orange juice

dinner:
orange juice
pineapple

September 5, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice
pineapple
mango

dinner:
pesto stuffed mushroom
rawviolies
marinara sauce

September 6, 2006

breakfast:
orange juice
pineapple
mango

dinner:
pineapple

September7, 2006

breakfast:
orange juice
tea

dinner:
orange juice
pineapple

September 8, 2006

breakfast;
orange juice

lunch:
tea

dinner:
pineapple
orange juice

September 9, 2006

breakfast:
orange juice
coconut

lunch:
raspberries

dinner:
burger patty

snack:
raspberries

September 10, 2006

breakfast:
orange juice
coconut

lunch:
raspberries

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
pesto stuffed mushrooms

September 11, 2006

breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
fresh air

dinner:
olives

I went to the Puyallup fair today, it was bliss full, I bought some fun gadgets and had a great time.

As I was walking through the fair, I noticed so many food vendors, and everyone was eating, greesy fries, huge platters of them, dowsed in ketchup, and dripping with greese hamburgers, huge cokes and ice creams, and cotton candy, and kettle corn, and elephant ears.

And I remember not so long ago this was me.

I would litterally eat my way through the fair, I would start at one end, and eat across the fair, and as I went vegetarian, I stopped eating meat, but still ate all the other cooked stuff, mostly fat, salt and sugar.

I have met many new people in my life recently, and most of them are addicted to wheat, dairy, salt, sugar, and fats.

I look at this, and realize that I had 1/2 glass of orange juice for breakfast, had air for lunch, and only a small handful of olives for dinner, so I got my salt and fat fix too. LOL

And what I realized is that I have an inner glow now that I never had, I also didn't get tired at all, I was at the fair for over 10 hours, and only sat down twice to find something in my bag, not because I was tired, and I walked several blocks to the fair, as I went with a friend who parked a few blocks away, I never got winded or tired, how cool is that?

It was warmish to hot, it was beautiful, I had so much fun, looking at everything, playing with everything, testing out things, and gadgets and just noticing people.

I had no trouble at all, not eating the foods, I enjoyed my "air" that I ingested into my being, and I loved not feeling terrible, or tired as I walked and walked and walked.LOL

I never could have or would have wanted to do this in the past.

I love to walk now, I always park several blocks away from my destination, and walk, at the grocery store, I park as far away as I can and still be in the same parking lot, I often, walk to one store, then back all the way across the parking lot just to walk.

there are some trails here, that I may check out, I always liked to walk when I was younger, used to walk alot as a child, and teen, so maybe now is the time to get back into that.

Life is grand, and I am part of it!

September 12, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice
herbal tea

lunch:
raspberries
strawberries
blackberries

dinner:
orange juice
tacos
onion bread
burger patty
lettuce
white onion
tomato
salsa
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I just love eating raw foods, it is so flavorful,and easy to prepare, the colors are magickal and the food sings when I eat it.

I can feel the life force inside me in joy and harmony

I am blessed

September 13, 2006

breakfast:
orange juice

lunch:
orange juice
strawberries

dinner:
salad
olives
tomatoes
mushrooms
thousand island dressing

late night dinner:
tacos
onion bread
burger patty
white onion
tomato
lettuce
salsa

I was hungry today, not sure why, I haven't been eating much lately, but have been super hungry, maybe it is the change in the weather, I know my dog at twice his normal food today too, and so did my kitty, they seem hungry too.

maybe we will have an exhorbanantly cold winter, and they are packing on the fat for that

We will see. It has been cooler here, I need to keep a heater on in the house now, and I really choose to repair my hot tub soonly.

life is bliss filled, each and every day, things are changing, I'm sure for the better, or to stage a learning, there is always learnings, LOL

and I'm in the middle of it all.

I am contemplating yet another shift in my life, and I can feel it coming, not sure where it will take me, or how it will manifest, but I will allow it to come to me, as all things do, in it's perfect and right time.

I am blessed, my life is bliss filled, I have a wonderful home, loving friends, and family, happy content healthy pets, I'm totally blessed in all things.

Life is a grand adventure, and I'm not sitting on the side lines any longer. I'm taking it full force and riding hard with it, hanging on, and going a second round.

LOL

I love being human, experiencing life, the joys, the sorrows, the happy times, kids growing up, grandchildren growing up, but not ME growing up, LOL

I think I'm getting younger each day. at least I LOOK younger each day, or that is my belief, and I'm sticking with it.

Love to you and all beings and all things, and all that there is, love to me, love to everyone, everything, every thought, every manifestation, every creation, every action, every deed, every THING

September 14, 200

Breakfast:
orange juice
herbal tea

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup

dinner:
pineapple

September 15, 2006

breakfast:
herbal tea
orange juice

lunch:
almond milkshake

dinner:
tacos
onion bread
nut burger patty
white onion
lettuce
tomate
salsa

snack
orange juice
black olives

September 16, 2006

Breakfast:
orange juice
black olives

lunch:
creamy mushroom soup

snack:
small green salad
french dressing

dinner:
pineapple
raspberries
grapes

September 17, 2006

breakfast:
orange juice
herbal tea
pineapple
coconut

lunch:
burger patty
onion bread
lettuce
tomato
white onion
mayo
mustard
pickle

snack:
almond milkshake

dinner:
rawviolies
marinara sauce
pesto stuffed mushrooms

snack:
brownies
herbal tea
orange juice

September 18, 2006

breakfast:
orange juice
herbal tea
pineapple
coconut
mango
raspberries

lunch:
green salad
tomatoes
mushrooms
olives
lemons
olive oil
sunflower seeds
onion bread

dinner:
orange juice
creamy mushroom soup

snack:
brownies

September 19, 2006

breakfast:
orange juice
kiwi
grapes
strawberries
cantaloup
honeydew melon

lunch:
honeydew melon
cantaloup
raspberries
grapes
pineapple
star fruit
strawberries

dinner:
tacos
onion bread
nut burger patty
white onion
tomato
lettuce
salsa

snack:
brownie
herbal tea

Life is so interesting and wonderful. I met somone, someone very special. I am bliss filled.

Now, I have been dating. Actually, I've been dating alot lately. LOL

My friends, talked me into signing up on match.com and I did, I've had over 680 contacts, and I signed up only 16 days ago, WOW, was I blown away, I've been talking and chatting with men all over the world, and some very rich and powerful, I was amazed at how many men out there are interested in meeting ME!

I've met many, and was going to notch my belt, just to prove to myself that I was still desireable, and wanted by men, after my breakup with my ex.

But, I decided that going to bed with a bunch of guys or even one guy, just to get back at my ex-wasn't in MY best interest.

So, I didn't. I actually went out with men, enjoyed myself, and didn't go to bed with them, you see, I have nothing to prove to anyone.

I've done some pretty amazing things lately, I've gone up in one man's private plane, that was indeed a blast, I went up in a hot air balloon, and I used to get motion sick from everything, not a problem at all anymore, thank you raw food!!! I went sailing on a 41 foot Erickson, and will be going sailing again many times. I have met many men, and gone out and had so much fun, and now I think I may have met someone quite spectacular. .

We are going to Fiji to see my property, that I thought I would have to sell just to keep my head above water. .

But, that isn't something I need to do anymore. .

We are taking one small two person tent, two backpacks, and renting bikes there, we are going to stay on my property that I bought, and live off the land. .

If we need to buy food, we will, or we will fast, he is into health, and is a weight lifter, not a body builder, he says there is a difference, all I know is he looks fantastic. .

He says I am the most beautiful woman he has ever met, and he loves my gorgeous goddess body, with all of it's curves. .

I told him I am going to continue eating raw, and releasing weight, and he says that as long as it makes ME happy, then he will be happy too. .

I find it amazing how muscular a man can be, I mean his muscles are hard as rocks. He works out 5 times a week, and has a house, and loves to remodle, YES!!!, and knows how to work on cars, and all the things I love to do. .

He is very spiritual, and had his heart broken recently too, so we fit perfectly. .

I think he may be "the one"..

I thought my ex was "the one", but we never got married, so somewhere, deep down in side, we both must have "known" that we weren't met to be together. .

So, life is a grand adventure, it unfolds brilliantly in front of our very eyes if we are watching, and when we least expect something, it happens. .

Now, I didn't want to fall for anyone, and I'm not saying that I'm in love, because I don't even know what that looks like any more. All I am saying is I've met someone, whom I wish to see again, and again, and again, and..... .

So, my life is beautiful, now, as it always has been, I just didn't see it, as it was unfolding, I thought I was unloved, and not beautiful and the wicked witch of the west, and that no one would ever want to be with me again. BOY was I wrong!!!

September 20., 2006.

Breakfast:
herbal tea.

lunch:
salad
kalamat olives
tomato
lettuce
tzaziki sauce
lemon.

dinner:
lemons
tacos
onion bread
nut burger patty
lettuce
tomato
white onion
salsa
brownies

September 21, 2006.

Breakfast:
herbal tea
orange juice
lunch:
greek salad
lettuce
pepperccinis
kalamat olives
tomatoes
lemon juice
olive oil
dinner:
brownies
brazil nuts
herbal tea.

I LOVE BEING RAW!!!!!!!!

September 22, 2006.

Breakfast:
orange juice
pineapple.

lunch:
taco salad
lettuce
tomatoes
white onion
nut burger patty
salsa
hot peppers.

dinner:
orange juice
black olives
pineapple
raspberries
strawberries
blackberries

September 23, 2006.

breakfast:
orange juice
pineapple
herbal tea.

lunch:
strawberries
grapes
carrots.

dinner:
strawberries
grapes
pineapple
carrots

September 24, 2006.

Breakfast:
orange juice
herbal tea.

lunch:
taco salad
lettuce
white onion
tomato
salsa
nut burger patty
hot peppers.

dinner:
cream of mushroom soup
onion bread

September 25, 2006.

Breakfast:
orange juice
lunch:
lettuce
tomatoes
mushrooms
dressing
chips
salsa.

dinner:
pineapple

September 26, 2006
Breakfast:
orange juice
herbal tea.

lunch:
veggie soup
water
tomato
celery
onion
cabbage
carrot
garlic
cilantroi
corn
olives
tortilla chips.

dinner:
veggie soup as above
salad
potato
sour cream
butter
bread
(don't know why I ate this cooked food, but I did, so I am wrting it down here)
now let's see what happens when I get up tomorrow, and have all of these cooked cravings, I will indeed have them, so I will use due dilligence in eating raw.

September 27, 2006.

breakfast:
orange juice.

lunch:
raisins.

snack:
almond milkshake.

dinner:
veggie soup
tomato
celery
cabbage
onion
garlic
carrot
chips.

This was one of the hardest days to stay raw, not just because of the cravings from yesterday, but because it was very trying emotionally, but I stayed raw, and that is a good thing. .

Now, I just have the rest of my life to go. LOL.

One day at a time, one bite at a time. .

I did have terrible gallbladder issues and pain last night into this morning.

September 28, 2006.

breakfast:
orange juice.

lunch:
strawberries (fresh from the garden and warm from the sun.mmmmmmmmmmm) .

dinner:
veggie soup
tomato
carrot
celery
cabbage
onion
garlic
cumin
mexican seasoning
olives
corn.

snack:
brownies
herbal tea.

snack:
green salad
french dressing
pesto stuffed mushrooms.

well, I ate cooked food a couple of days ago, it was hard to stay raw today, wit the cravings, I really wanted to drive into town and eat at my favorite greek place and get there spaghetti with the really good garlic sauce, and some cheesy bread and some dessert, or go to the Eat all you can keep down Chinese buffet and eat the deep fried tofu and marinated sauted mushrooms, and cream cheese wontons, mmmmmmmm.

But, I didnt' I ate at home, I made raw veggie soup, always fills me up, so I knew I wouldn't be hungry, ate alot of food to keep me full so I couldn't eat anything, even if I wanted to.. I think that is a secret right there. and I stayed away from restaurants and anything to do with food, I didn't even leave my yard. LOL.

anything to stay ra.

I need to go into town tomorrow, but I think I can handle it,

Wow, what poweful words, "JUST THIS ONCE".

I COULD have this (insert cooked food of choice) "JUST THIS ONCE", but it never is, is it? .

I mean I had cooked food, Just this once, and it took me 6 months to get back on raw, LOL.

so "just this once" doesn't exsist, "just one bite" ranks right up there too. .

and "this one last time" and "only one bite" and "I'll just try it" and "I deserve a treat" LOL.

there are so many, I'm sure you've heard them all, and used them all, and I've certainly done them all, I've thought them all. LOL.

and here I am living out another one, I ate a baked potato a couple of days ago, I just thought it would be no big deal, I knew I'd feel sick, and icky, but I didn't care, I REALLY wanted to numb out my feelings, HA, didn't work at all!!! .

Well, I"m STILL white knuckling it through, and my wayward thoughts, keep going to "just one more meal, you've already eaten cooked, eat the things you really love and miss, THEN go back to raw." .

I say "BALDERDASH" this is NOT true, nor will it ever be. .

Eating cooked, whether it be one bite or one meal, or one day, or one weekend, or one week or whatever, is too much cooked. .

you must STOP NOW!!!, right this minute in mid bite if necessary, and stop eating cooked. .

OR you will be destined to eat cooked forever. .

and if not NOW? then WHEN?? .

THAT is the BIG question, WHEN? .

why wait to start to become healthy? .

why wait to start to become slim? .

why wait to start to be happier? .

why wait to start to feel good? .

why wait, that is the RIGHT question to ask ourselves, .

NOT, "why can't I have this?" You know what? YOU CAN have this cooked food, but you will continue to be unhappy with your choices, and your body, and your health and your thoughts, and your self esteme and your ''' whatevers''' until you can finally take control of your choices. .

We ALL have choices, endless choices each and every day, do you think that I wake up every morning saying hummm, I'm going to eat raw? .

No, I've got too many other things on my mind, I love just going to the kitchen and grabbing a pear or peach or whatever and munching down, I don't WANT to HAVE to think about my choices, I just like it to be natural. .

but UNTIL those choices ARE natural, we MUST make them consciously, so.

make a choice right now, today, this minute to put down that cooked food "just this once" and eat raw, eat raw the whole day, eat raw at every meal, eat raw for snacks and for dinner and for breakfast and for midnight kitchen raid, "Just this once" eat raw for the entire day, and FEEL great about eating raw, and making that great choice for you body and mind and health, .

and remember, people learn by example, I've taught more people about eating raw since I started doing it, than any thing else I could ever do, .

so if you wish the people around you to become healthier, then YOU be the one to teach them by example, not necesarily words, BE the raw person in their live who is so healthy. .

I hear all the time, how beautiful I am and how radiant I am, and It's not makeup, its' the REAL RAW ME emerging from withint he depths of my SAD past life.

September 29, 2006.

breakfast:
orange juice.

lunch:
cream of mushroom soup
onion bread.

dinner:
pineapple
pesto stuffed mushrooms

Sat Sep 30, 2006 10:35am
.

I find that there is more than just the food that keeps me raw. .

it is my attitude about what I am moving towards. .

Now, I also use the pain of eating SAD to keep me moving away from eating SAD, but I can usually justify that a bit, by telling myself I will only eat just a bite, but we all know that never happens. LOL.

So, this is how I do it. .

I take a look at where I am, I take a good look, you can use your weight, or blood preasure, or what ever you wish to change about your life, energy level, etc. .

and take a look at where you wish to go with that same thing. .

So, do you wish to lose weight? do you wish to gain health? do you wish to get off a diabetes medication? etc. .

and put that up on a chart, or in your mind works too, but get it down somewhere that you can really notice it, now decide where you wish to be, and each day, each meal, each bite, will either take you closer to your goal or further away from your goal. for me, I like to move towards my goal/focus, and away from my challenges in life. .

so, it is pretty easy for me to see the forward movement, and I continue to weigh myself and look at the way my face looks and the amount of people who tell me I am beautiful or radiant, or looking younger or whatever each day, those are always wonderful to add to my moving toward place. .

I also make sure I have lots of wonderful foods in my home, baskets of fresh fruit, that is my favorite, and fresh veggies, and raw brownies, and ice creams, and tons of Alissa's recipes in my freezer so I will never feel like there is nothing to eat. .

I also make soups and freeze them too, easy to take with and thaw on the road. .

I always have nuts and dried fruits too, and my credit card or cash, so if I am ever on the road, and can't get home, I can always buy food, instead of eating something cooked like a candy bar to "feel" full. .

There are lots of things you can do to keep yourself on track, but the number one thing you MUST HAVE is the Burning Desire to change, and CHANGE YOUR LIFE NOW!!!, this is the ONLY way you will have lasting change in your lie, the ONLY way. .

good luck in all of your choices, and remember, NO ONE IS PERFECT, we have ALL slipped and eaten cooked, and had to start over, you are now among us illustrious upon this board, welcome. .

Now, get out there and eat raw food!, You'll be glad you did.

September 30, 2006.

breakfast:
orange juice
pineapple.

lunch:
kiwi
banana
strawberries
honeydew
cantaloup
pineapple.

dinner:
lettuce
tomatoes
black olives
thousand island dressing
herbal tea
.

October 1, 2006.

breakfast:
orange juice
herbal tea.

lunch:
fresh veggie soup
carott
celery
corn
black olives
tomato
cabbage
onion
garlic.

dinner:
fresh veggie soup
tomato
celery
carrot
onion
garlic
cabbage.

onion bread

October 2, 2006.

breakfast:
orange juice.

lunch:
burger patty, as I was making it.

dinner:
pineapple
creamy corn chowder.

snack:
chips
salsa

October 3, 2006.

breakfast:
herbal tea
brownies.

lunch:
pineapple.

dinner:
taco salad
onion bread
lettuce
tomato
onion
hot peppers
burger patties
salsa.

snack:
brownies
herbal tea
pineapple.

Today was a strange day, I had an emotional blow today, and then the day got worse, LOL.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted cooked food, vegan food, but cooked, and I knew where to get it, and I wanted it, I didn't eat it, I didn't go get it, I didn't cook it, I didn't look at it, I didn't make it, I left it alone, but it called to me all day, I just kept telling myself to wait a few more minutes, and to have some pineapple, then to wait and eat a browint, I ate three total, then to have some tea, etc, anyway, I just kept eating raw food, raw food, raw food, raw food, alot of raw food, too much raw food, but at least it was raw food, not cooked food, and it was good to eat raw and NOT cooked, when I was so into my emotional stuff. .

Although it would be great if I didn't get into my stuff, at least I didn't get into my addiction. LOL.

So, I am clean and sober/eating raw food, and not eating cooked, so I am happy, now I just need to release my emotional stuff, which is happening bit by bit. .

alas, in small bits, but at least in bits. .

Tue Oct 3, 2006 9:27pm
.

October 4, 2006.

Well, it is 1:00 am and I just ate a piece of bread that I brought home from a restaurant the other day for my bird, and I also ate a few veggie patties that were cooked. .

I don't know why I did this, I just did this, I feel terrible, I feel full, I feel stuffed, I feel upset, I feel horrible, I feel worthless, I feel like nobody will ever love me again. .

This has been a bad day for my stuff to come up. .

I heard some not so good news about someone I care about, and I am feeling very sorry for myself. .

Which just doesn't work, it just makes me more in my stuff. .

I can laugh at myself, but I just wanted to numb out, and so I ate my cooked food addiction, I also was talking to someone about this today, so I don't know if talking about it, made me want it, or if it was that piece of bread for my bird, or what. .

I think it started when I ate a bite of food at the fair a couple of weeks ago, at the Vita Mix counter, I thought it was all ray, but it had some soy protein in it, so I tossed it, but I did start craving cooked foods after that, and I did allow a bite in here and there, with tastes at the fair, not full blown meals, or anything, but I did have a greek salad with feta cheese, I tossed the cheese, but some was on the salad, and I didn't worry too much about it, and of course, I started craving after that. .

Then there was a bite of salad dressing at a restaurant, then there was one tortilla chip, then there was a couple bites of salsa that may have been cooked, then then then, each few days, there was just a bite of this or that. .

So, as of right now, this very minute, (while I'm full of my cooked foods) I am stating that I am 100% raw again. .

We can start over as many times as we need to, we can condemn ourselves, or we can learn, we can become whom we wish to become, .

And I AM a rawfoodist, so I am eating raw food right now, and continuing on. .

YES, I ate cooked, I'm not going to beat myself up about it, it tasted okay, and I wanted it, gave 1/2 to my dog, and now I feel better. .

So, on to 100% raw again, and again, and as long as it takes, but you know what? .

I am perfect in my imperfection, and I'm still at 210, so I haven't gained any weight, and I'm okay with my choices, as all of life is a process towards progress, and it takes as long as it takes. .

And raw is just taking me a bit longer than I had thought. .

this actually helps me help others, because it DOES take a while, it isn't instant, and it can't be done overnight. .

We all stumble, we all make choices that we have to live with, and we all are striving for perfection in our unperfect world. .

So, on with with my life and on with raw.
.

October 4, 2006.

Sick sick and more sick, gallbladder worse than ever, I am writing this almost a week later, because I was too sick for way too many days to even post in my journal, .

vomiting,
no food, .

minimal water, .

alas, I ate cooked, and I paid big time.

October 5, 2006.

nothing, couldn't keep anything down, not even water, so just tried to sleep all day, have to drive to Spokane Friday for the fair.

sick sick sick

October 6, 2006, .

sick sick sic.

drove to Spokane to the fair, had to stop at a lot of rest areas, to vomit, and rest, I made it though, set up about 1/2 way, .

1/4 cup orange juice, and 1/4 cup water, went to bed at 8PM, will do my best to rest

October 7, 2006.

up most of the night, vomiting, trying to feel better, this has lasted the longest ever, I feel horrible. .

orange juice for breakfast and a few grapes
water
warm herbal tea.

I look hot though, I've lost so much weight noone recognizes me. LOL

October 8, 2006.

orange juice
water
pineapple
honeydew melon
herbal tea.

rest, rest, rest

October 9, 2006.

herbal tea
orange juice
mango
kiwi
honeydew
water
grapefruit juice
drove home today, .

took many hours
still don't feel right.

had a small salad for dinner.

sick still, need way more rest.

October 10, 2006.

breakfast:
orange juice
herbal tea.

lunch:
orange juice.

dinner:
salad
mescule mix (yummy)
tomatoes
celery
vinegarette dressing (also yummy) .

snack:
pesto stuffed mushrooms
water.

Well, today was a most bliss filled day, I saw the most amazing sunset from The Cliff House in Tacoma, it was amazing. .

Now, I know why people eat there, plus the food was superb, I had a salad, super delicious. .

Life is grand, and being alive is such an adventure. .

Each day, I wake up in the most amazing place on earth, my home, I go down to my studio, and sit down at my computer, look out on the lake, and see the mist rising from the lake, and I'm in heaven. .

Although I am pretty busy right now, things change, move on, pass and that is great. .

I am eating raw foods every day, not eating any cooked, except for a couple of slips, and I'm feeling great. .

Soon I will be less than 200 pounds, that is so astonishing to me, I've been over 200 pounds since I was in my 20's, so what does that mean? .

I mean do I act differently, if anything, I am less agressive, wonder why that is. .

I look way different, and I can move around so much better, I feel younger, more alive, can move without pain, and I can do so many things that I would have thought impossible just a few months ago. .

I was at a restaurant, (been to many lately) and the booths were really tight, or so I though, I sat down with plenty of room, I wouldn't even have tried a few months ago. .

I had to get around some people standing and chatting in a store, it was close, and I walked behind them, and didn't even have to say, "excuse me" because I didn't get near them. .

I see myself in the mirror, and I keep thinking that I am only seeing 1/2 of my reflection. LOL -- good feeling but strange too. .

I put on clothes, and they hang on me. I have nothing that fits, everything I try on, is way too big, and just a few months ago, I couldn't even get into any of them. .

I had some jeans put away, "just in case" I could get into them, well, I tried them on, I can get them on and off without even unbuttoning them. LOL.

the tops that I had from my 20's that are little baby tops, fit. LOL.

I have a couple of sexy teddy type nighties, I never really wore them, they were always way too tight, but they are too big. .

So, I am continuing on with my raw quest to be as healthy and happy as I can. to live each day with passion, and to be the best "me" I can be. .

Life is a grand adventure, and each new day opens up like a good book, that I want to curl up with, devour, and enjoy. .

I am bliss filled. .

thank you spirit for my beautiful and excitingly grand life, to experience and enjoy on my own terms.

October 11, 2006.

breakfast:
herbal tea.

dinner:
salad
lettuce
tomatoes
mushrooms
black olives
cracker.

I just wasn't hungry today, still feel lots of inner pain around my gallbladder and liver? not sure what that is, but I can barely move, very tight and each time I breathing is agony. .

So, I lay around with alot of heat packs, and such.

October 2, 2006.

breakfast:
orangejuice
herbal tea.

lunch:
nectarine.

dinner:
nectarines
orange juice
green salad
tomatoes
mushrooms
lemon juice

October 13, 2006.

breakfast:
orange juice.

lunch:
honeydew
cantaloup
pineapple
grapes.

dinner:
spaghetti
marinara sauce
pesto stuffed mushrooms.

snack:
brownie
cream brule'

October 14, 2006.

lunch:
eggplant marinated in vinegar/sauce
cabbage
carrot
onion bread
mayo
sprouts.

dinner:
brioche'
carrots
onion/celery bread
cream sauce (cashews, tarragon)
celery
zucchini
mushrooms
walnuts
almonds.

snack
lime cheesecake
cashews
lime
dates
raspberries
walnuts
almonds
herbal tea
potatoes
nama shoyu

Life is very interesting right now, I'm meeting alot of new people who seem to be very judgemental, so evidentally, I am being judegmental or NEED to be judgemental of myself, not sure which it is. .

Will need to meditate on that. .

I'm working diligently on my book, that's always a pleasure, and it's coming along. .

Alot of things are changing in my life right now, a new business venture seems promising, yet, maybe that is where my judgement is coming in, I'm interested in the money and the science of it, just not all the marketing of it, hummm, will ponder this too. .

I've a bird living in my home for about a week, my kitty brought him in, and he is living behind my sauna, so I can't get to him, he chirps, and makes cute little bird noises, I've lived with the outside door open for a week now, and it's getting rain in my house. LOL.

but the bird doesn't wish to leave, so I put out bird seed for him and a dish of water, which I need to keep full as my doggin keeps slurpin' it up. LOL.

but it is an interesting process to see this little guy, come out and play with the light through the venetian blinds, and then hop back behind the sauna when I try to open the door to let him out, .

I mean why would he wish to go out in the cold rain, when he can live in my home, get easy food and water, and be protected from my attack cat, who got him outside,but can't get him inside? .

LOL.

life is grand, sometimes grander than others, and I am learning to move on in my life. .

Some days are harder than others, and some times, I'm really into my pity party, which is fine, it's all a process, and other times I feel pretty good about my life. .

then sometimes, I still don't wish to live one more day, and that is when I sit and ponder my life, I mean my entire life. .

the choices I've made, the men I've met, the life I lead, and I see this huge pattern almost a quilt of guilt. LOL.

I see all of these men intertwined with each other, so many so alike, and yet so different, but each having several things in common. .

mother issues
substance abuse
sexual dysfunction/deviation
poverty consciousness
anger.

and that makes me think that I must have all of these specific characteristics, .

mother issues: well, my mom was very neglectful, and I attribute my over achiever nature to just wanting to gain her attention. .

substance abuse: well, I gave up cigarettes, alcohol, meat, dairy, wheat and cooked food, and my issues are coming up, although the addiction is still there, laying dormant for a short period of time. .

sexual dysfunction/deviation: well, I grew up in the 60's nuf said, LOL but not achieving orgasm during sexual intimacy would be a sexual dysfunction I would say, also a control issue. .

poverty consciousness: I'm not sure about this, I do worry alot about money and where it will come from and will I make enough, etc. so I suppose it's there. .

anger: I'd have to say "YES" on this one too, I still have fear that my old life with my ex's or my mom/brother will come back, that I'll wake up and my life will be a dream, and my old past lives will come back, UGH!!!--scarey!!!, so I would say "yes" to this also. .

Now, all of these lovers/boyfriends/men in my life have brought me this beautiful gift of inner knowledge, now what do I do with it? .

Well, I supposed I could just sit here and allow it to be, or I could meditate on these issues, I could work on releasing them from my life, I could work on bringin in other men to mirror this back to me, I could............. .

and so off I go to work on my stuff. .

and allow it all to be okay as it is in this moment in time. .

I so wish to get this right, as I love playing on this plane of manifestation, and don't want to leave the planet yet, although sometimes, that sounds like a good idea too. .

espcially on a cool crisp October day with gray skies and no one around

October 16, 2006.

breakfast
Orange juice
cantaloup
honeydew melon.

lunch:
salad greens
tomatoes.

dinner
buritos
buritos shells
nut cheese
salsa
refried beans
tomatoes
lettuce
hot peppers.

orange juice

October 17, 2006.

breakfast:
orange juice.

lunch:
orange juice.

dinner:
spaghetti
marinara sauce
crusty garlic bread

Most of you understand that as humans we identify with like minded people, we tend to live in groups, or have friends of like mind, and as we change in our beliefs, i.e. eating raw instead of cooked, sometimes our lives change in many other ways, people leave our lives, we move on in different jobs, we congregate in different places, i.e. juice bars, in stead of coffee houses. .

And as we change, as we will inevitably do, we change our identity, I used to identify with being a belly dancer, now I don't do that, so I don't hang out with belly dancers anymore, I don't go to the shows, I don't buy all the pretty fabrics, although you couldn't tell by my home, which still looks like a cross between a Bedouin tent and a castle. LOL.

But as we change our life styles, our life choices, we move on into different circles of friends, we may start exercising or we may start doing different things, and yet there may be part of us that doesn't want the change, or doesn't like the way that "NEW" part feels like. .

Then we self sabotage. .

We don't do this deliberately, but we do this in subtle ways, like eating just a bit cooked, so we go back up the scale, missing a workout, not returning a phone call of someone we would really like to get to know, because we don't feel comfortable in that new friendship. .

we as humans deal with so many little subtle things in our lives, and yet, we continue to change. .

I have noticed that I have been self sabotaging because I don't feel comfortable in my new skin, although I still weigh over 200 pounds, JUST BARELY, LOL, I don't feel comfortable that size, I feel comfortable and identify with myself at about 260, YIKES!!! .

now what am I saying??? I am saying that the closer I get to 200 pounds, and I am mighty close, the more I want to eat cooked, the more I want to sabotage my weight loss, the more I want to hide in my cooked food addiction, the more I want to press down my feelings of whatever. .

It isn't easy to be objective while dealing with yourself, it's really easy to see this behavior in someone else. .

I can spot self sabotage a mile away, then I finally had to acknowledge that -- that is exactly what I have been doing to myself. .

I was at 203 just a couple of days ago, now I am at 214, what happened? .

I bloated up, I ate some wheat and salt, and I gained a bunch of bloat, now I know it can go away really quickly, and I know I ate the wheat because of some weird reason, but the REAL reason I ate it was that I didn't feel comfortable at 203, and I probably won't for a while. .

So, what do I do now? .

I can recommit to raw, that would be a start, IF I'm ready, but I'm not sure I'm ready, I probably need to look at for what purpose was my weight/size serving me, and do some inner work to release the need for the weight. .

I would suppose it has something to do with keeping men away from me, but that hasn't worked, I'm still going out with a bunch of guys, so the weight isn't a deterant. .

Maybe I am keeping myself heavy for some other purpose, and I don't know what that is. .

I thought my ex maybe left me because I was getting thinner and he was threatened, but I doubt that is the real reason he left, I thought maybe that I was trying to protect myself from sex, but I doubt that too. .

There are countless reasons that we can self sabotage, and yet, we may never know exactly what they are. .

I do know that everything is perfect in the Universe, so my weight, no matter where it is -- is perfect, and I know that I can lose this or not, easily. .

I also know that no matter what I do with my weight, that my ex won't come back, so I can release that. .

and I know that I am me, no matter what my size. .

I used to think that I wasn't important enough to matter, because I was short, and yet, many people are short and hold high ranks in many fields. .

I suppose this may come from the fact that my mom was 5'8" and I am only 5'4" and I was the shortest by many inches in my entire family of 6'3" and 5'10" so, that may be something to that, it could be also why I put on weight as a child, to be a BIG girl, I've thought about that wording too. .

So, no matter what the reasoning is, I feel better on raw, and I was very content eating 100% raw for many months, so I've hit a stumbling block-- as it were -- and I will get through this, or over this, or around this. LOL.

But get past 200, I will do that is for sure. .

I just need to allow it to be okay, that I am that size, and make sure to BE that size, and really be okay with it, no matter what my mind is telling me, or my past beliefs are reasoning. .

I just wanted to post this, because I know if I am feeling this way, then maybe others are too, and maybe somehow this may help you. .

I know that when I read posts I often relate to them and feel at least I'm not alone in my feelings. .

So, whether you are self sabotaging or just wish to say something, please feel free to post in this thread. .

We are all here for support, and help, and sometimes I don't know which one I'm doing, but I know typing all this out helps me vent, and think and relate to others. .

Now, I've eaten all raw 100% today, I'm going out to dinner with friends, so my plan is to eat all raw 100% TONIGHT TOO, I'll let you know how I do. .

But no matter whether I eat all raw or not, I'm still me, I will make my best choices and I'll post again. .

I do think eating 100% raw is the best for me, and all beings actually. .

I do think that committing to somehthing is a good thing and I do think that my choices matter in this Universe. .

So, my choice right now is to be 100% raw today, I'll think about tomorrow -- when it comes, but today, I'm going to eat `100% raw, and be happy with those choices. .

Because today is all I have, I may have tomorrow, and I may not, but I do know that I'll be happier with myself for sticking with my convictions, and knowing that I am doing the best thing I can for my body. .

Now, that I've posted all of this, I have you all to answer to. and I will come back and be honest with what I did or didn't eat. .

wish me luck, I may be the Rawpriestess, but I am not infalible. LO

This is one thing that has worked for me. .

don't think that this is the first raw day of the rest of my life,
don't think that you can NEVER eat cooked food again.

do think today I'm eating raw, just for today, tomorrow is another day, and I'll think/worry about that tomorrow.
Do thingk If I REALLY want cooked tomorrow, I will eat it tomorrow, but for today, I'll eat raw, and enjoy the beautiful raw foods that I am eating. .

Now, this works in several ways, .

1. you are making a choice to eat raw food, there are no raw police, so you're not rebelling against anything at all.

2. it's up to you what you eat and how much and when, so choose to eat raw today, and allow tomorrow to be what it is.

3. there is no tomorrow, because when you do get to tomorrow, it will be "today" again, so you can choose to eat raw again, or not, it's all up to you, .

But no matter what you do, you will have at least one good raw day under your belt, and this is how I look at things, .

every day that I eat raw, I'm gaining health
every day that I eat cooked, I'm loosing health.

it is up to me to choose which I wish to do. .

plane and simple. .

every day is a choice, every meal is a choice, every bite is a choice, and they choice is YOURS, and YOURS alone, NO ONE can make these choices for you,

October 18, 2006.

breakfast:
orange juice.

lunch:
spaghetti
marinara sauce
garlic bread
baklava.

dinner:
spaghetti
marinara sauce
garlic bread
baklava

October 19, 2006.

breakfast:
herbal tea.

lunch:
orange juice.

dinner:
wild mushrooms
pasta
garlic bread
tira misu.

Well, I've been eating cooked food, mostly wheat for two days now, and I really MUST make a decision, to either be healthy and fit and happy, or to drown my misery with wheat, and gain back all my weight and then some, and who knows when or how much gallbladder pain I will endure at that time. .

so, far, no pain, but it will come, if I keep eating like this, and yes, it was very tasty, but it didn't taste as good as eating raw feels, so, I am going to go 100% raw, starting right now, I'm fessin' up and I'm not gonna' do this raw/cooked/raw/cooked thing right now any longer. .

It just doesn't work for me to be partially raw, I slip way into the totally cooked catagory, I just dont' seem to be able to do the part raw, part cooked thing. .

I know what I need to do, and it is all about being comfortable in my own body. .

Right now my body feels totally foreign to me, it is giggly and small where it used to be firm and fat, LOL.

not that that was better, it's just different, and I really don't know how to deal with my new body. .

sometimes, I think I could chose to do some form of exercise, and that might make my body more firm, but I look at my daily routine, and I am up and down, and outside and digging and working so much right now, I not only couldn't find the time to exercise, but I couldn't find the strength, as I'm doing everything around here now, even the garbages, all the chores, the yard etc. .

maybe I could get my gardeners back for a few days, and then I'd have more time to do other things, oh, well, I'll figure it out one day. .

Life is good, I'm meeting lots of new people whom I enjoy and have fun with, and that is a good thing. .

I hope all the world is happy. My inner joy radiates out to you.

October 20, 2006.

breakfast:
orange juice
herbal tea.

lunch:
vegetable soup
tomatoe
carrot
cabbage
onion
garlic
corn
peas
celery.

dinner:
brownie
almonds
herbal tea

October 21, 2006.

Breakfast:
orange juice
herbal tea
pineapple
banana
honeydew melon
cantaloupe
strawberry
grapes
orange.

lunch:
veggie soup.

dinner:
orange juice

October 22, 2006.

Breakfast:
herbal tea
honeydew melon
cantaloupe
orange
strawberry
banana
pineapple
grapes.

lunch:
veggie soup
pesto stuffed mushrooms.

dinner:
almond milkshake
almond milk
dates
spices
vanilla
ice.

Life is interesting, today, I went out to breakfast and while I was driving there, I was fantasizing about eating eggs Benedict. LOL or a 3 egg omelet with cheddar cheese and mushrooms, hashbrowns and heinz 57 sauce, LOL, of course, I wouldn't eat that, but I did fantasize about it, and I just ordered my fruit plate,and ate it happily with my knife and fork, it was bliss. .

I used to love breakfast foods, before I was vegetarian, I used to really love ham, sausage, bacon, all the super salty meats, I would eat breakfast for dinner often, just so I could eat that stuff. .

Then when I went vegetarian, I would eat that only in soy processed foods, UGH!!!, then I went raw and I tried the eggplant bacon, but I'd rather just eat a peach or some pineapple, it's so much easier. .

I like to eat mostly fruits in the summer, and I'm eating alot more veggies now that it is fall and cooler outside. .

I don't know if it will halt or stop my weight loss, but that's okay if it does. .

I enjoy what I'm eating, and I know that there are times when i am going to be tempted, and that's okay, I'll either stay 100% raw or I won't but each step is in the right direction, each day I'm raw, is a day towards health and well-being, each day that I feel better, physically and mentally. .

And I'm really progressing in many ways now, I'm finally able to release and to feel good about being single again. I'm enjoying new friends and fun times, I'm having a blast actually. .

And although I still miss my beloved, I know that we aren't supposed to be together, or we would be. .

It is difficult to accept that what we had was a lie, I mean, he was one way before we met, then he changed to be with me, that wasn't right, and it took it's toll on him, and now I can see that he just went back to being himself. .

and that's okay, he needs to be who he is, just like I need to be who I am, and that is all I can say. .

I hope that we both find true happiness and joy, Heck, I hope we ALL find it!!!, every one of us.

October 23, 2006.

Breakfast:
herbal tea
pineapple.

lunch:
orange juice
herbal tea.

dinner:
veggie soup.

I've been spending alot of time thinking about food lately, mostly I fantasize about what cooked food I would eat if I was eating cooked food. LOL.

It is interesting because, sometimes, I think I really want the cooked food, but I don't eat it because I want to be healthy and thinner, and sometimes, I know I won't eat the cooked food, but I can still fantasize about the taste and textures, and that is enough. .

sometimes, I'm so funny about things.

October 24, 2006
breakfast:
orange juice
pineapple
herbal tea.

lunch:
soup.

dinner:
soup

October 25, 3006
ate cooked

October 26 to November 23

ate cooked

Nov 24.

Breakfast:
orange juice
pineapple.

Lunch:
orange juice
raspberries.

Dinner:
orange juice
black olives
greens

November 25, 2006.

Breakfast:
orange juice
herbal tea.

lunch:
green salad
balsamic vinegarette
olive oil.

dinner:
orange juice
herbal tea

November 26, 2006.

Breakfast:
orange juice
herbal tea.

Lunch:
salad rolls
tofu
orange juice
ginger grated
cayenne
greens.

dinner;
ginger
orange juice
cayenne
tofu

November 27, 2006

Breakfast:
Herbal tea, with cayenne and warmed to finger warm, mmmmmmm.

lunch:

orange juice
eclair made from:
bananas leather
macademia whipped cream
cacao,
cashew, date cream
cream puffs made from:
banana leather
macademia whipped cream
vanilla powder
date sugar (hand made) .

snack:
herbal tea,
cayenne
warmed to finger war.

My son's coming up again to help with my home, so I bought a ton of fresh fruits, oranges, ruby red grapefruits, banans, tomatoes, pears, limes, pineapple, oranges for juice, carrots, celery, lettuce, mushrooms, bean sprouts, peppers, corn, peas, cabbage etc. I already have tons of nuts on hand, I think I was a squirrel in a past life.

November 28, 2006

Breakfast:

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